Have you felt afraid to evolve and change your life because of the fear of what others may think or the potential discomfort that comes with self-exploration?
Our brains are wired to protect us, so when we encounter something that seems dangerous or unfamiliar, we may feel a sense of resistance.
But, by not allowing ourselves explore new possibilities, we limit our growth and our potential.
In this episode we’ll talk about embracing the discomfort of change in order to evolve and grow.
Most of us are too afraid to embrace change because we’re worried about what others might think.
This fear of change and other people’s opinions is the brain's natural tendency to protect us from potential harm or danger. But it can also prevent you from stepping out of your comfort zone and creating the life you really want to live.
Ultimately, being okay with others being wrong about us requires a level of emotional maturity and resilience. It involves recognizing that we are not defined by the opinions of others, and that we have the power to choose how we respond to their perceptions of us.
Check out this week’s episode to hear more about:
8:17 What if someone thought you were mean because of what you said?
10:25 Can you be okay with other people being wrong about you?
12:30 How much more freedom would you have if you were not thinking you had to do things to make people think of you the way you want them to
14:38 We don’t allow ourselves to evolve because we’re so concerned with what other people think.
16:47 When I step out, I’m putting myself in harm’s way, but I’ve got my own back.
18:48 Be comfortable being you and set an example.
Referred to in this episode:
Read the full transcript here:
Laura Lummer 00:00
You're listening to the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. I'm a Certified Life health and nutrition coach, and I'm also a breast cancer thriver. If you're trying to figure out how to move past the trauma and the emotional toll of breast cancer, you've come to the right place. In this podcast, I will give you the tools and the insights to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer. Let's get started. Hello, hello, you are listening to Episode 232 of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. And this is a great show. Because you know what we're in March, which is National Women's History Month, march 8 was International Women's Day. And I've been giving a lot of thought to what that means what power that has in my life in the lives of so many women that are in my life, including you listening and including all of the clients that I work with. And it's a powerful thing, you know, the experience of being a woman, and what we women have been through in time in history, and what we continue to go through as we continue to evolve with the world and with World paradigms. It's powerful, you know, there's a lot going on. And we are powerful. And that's a cool thing. And it's something that I want to touch on do we allow ourselves to step into our power. This month, in honor of National Women's History Month and International Women's Day, I am opening my program, the becoming you 2.0 meaning that 2.0 version of yourself that after breast cancer version becoming you 2.0 And I'm opening it up as a pay what you want, right, there's a minimum price is $37. It's normally 97 For this eight week program, and it is worth so much more it has so much more value than just $97. Because in this program, and why it aligns so much with this month, is because it's all about discovering why you're where you are in your life right now. And what you want your life to look like what you want yourself to look like, Who do you want to become, and what thoughts are holding you back from that? What condition beliefs get in your way, what self doubt, what stops you from addressing that desire that's inside of you. Whatever that desire might be just to be a healthier person, to be able to talk about things that are really important to you openly and feeling safely. To be able to live life in your most authentic way without feeling like you have to hide who the true you is. That's what becoming you is all about. And so I can meet you anywhere that you're at in life, it can meet you right after breast cancer treat where you're thinking Shit, I don't know who the hell I am anymore. I don't know what is going on. I am spinning. It can help you there. It can help you if you think you know what, I've got this desire, I've got this thing that I really want to accomplish that I want to do. And then you fall into impostor syndrome. But who am I to make this happen in my life. And I see it all the time. I coach women on their businesses, I've been coached on my business, I interact with women in that coaching environment all the time. And what that is, is looking at your own thoughts and your own beliefs that stop you for doing anything you want in your life. And that may seem so simple to you, you may think really, really just pick a new thought and no, I don't mean write it on a pink, post it and stick it on your bathroom window and say it to yourself everyday while you pound your chest. I mean really getting in touch with what you're thinking, and what is true for you, and what thoughts align with what's true for you and serve you better and help you to live the life you want. Okay, it's not about toxic positivity or fake statements to yourself. All of my coaching programs about are about allowing you to truly be you to drop the fear to drop the barriers to drop the idea that you've got to be someone other than who your heart tells you. You really are. All right, so becoming you. I opened it up with a pay what you want feature. So you can go to my website, the breast cancer recovery coach.com Right at the top of that one page you're gonna see a red banner. It says enroll in becoming you and pay what you want. And I'm doing that for national for International Women's Day in and National Women's History Month because you all have a special gift so much to offer something in you a reason you're here to touch your life the lives of others in this world. And that can mean anything that does not mean you got to go out and conquer the world and write books and be the president or anything like that. But just to show the example of being the most true, most real version of yourself. And why that's important is because when you do that, when you drop the pressure you put on yourself from thinking other people expect this, I've got to do this, I've got to do that. They'll want this from me. And when you stop doing that, and you get in your own head, and you think, this is what I want in life, this is the example I want to set for my children from my sister's, from my friends, for any woman that you come into contact with, this is real for me. And I'm going to overcome the fearful barriers to live what's real for me, it's a process is work, but you can do it, and the becoming you program can do it. So I want to open it up to everyone and make it as affordable for any budget or for someone who's never worked with me before. And I know because I do this too. We see other things, we think, Gosh, that might be good for me. But is it really worth that money? What will they really get out of it? And so you tell me, you tell me what it's worth for you. You go to the breast cancer recovery coach.com. And right there on that homepage, click the banner or go to coaching and support where it says work with Laura, click on the work with Laura, and you can go to the becoming you program and learn more about it. All right. So speaking of all of this, I want to speak about evolving as women evolving in your life to be the woman you want to be. Now I heard this on a call or on you know what I listened to so many coaching calls, and so many podcasts that I honestly this thought has stuck in my head the statement that I heard, but I feel bad about it, I can't give you the resource because I can't remember where I heard it. But I heard it about a week or so ago. And I thought, wow, it has stuck with me. It might even be two weeks. And it's really stuck with me. And I want to talk about it here on the show. And the statement that I heard was, can you decide to let people be wrong about you? Can you be okay, with people being wrong about you? And as I listened to that, and I thought about that, I thought that is a very powerful question. Because we go through life, so much of the time, behaving acting in living in accordance with the way we want other people to perceive us. We want other people to think we're strong. We want them to think we're funny. We want them to think we're smart, we're sexy, we're organized, we're whatever, you've got something in your mind, and you think this is how I want to be perceived by other people. I don't want anyone to think I'm a bitch. I'm rude. And pushy, right? I'm aggressive. I don't want anybody think I'm bossy. I don't want God forbid anyone to think Amin. Right? We go through life, so much of the time suppressing our voice because we have something we need, or we want to say or something that's not okay with us, or doesn't meet one of our standards. But then we tell ourselves, if we speak up here, somebody might think one of those things about me. And so I asked you, What if they do? What if someone thought you are mean?
Laura Lummer 08:46
Just because you said what you thought in a true way in a compassionate way? Not in a mean way. But their perception was your mean? Or you're rude? Right? Could you allow someone to be wrong about you? Because the reason I think this is important is we suffer so much and we fight our true self so much. Because we tell ourselves, it's important that other people think of us the way we want them to think of us. But what if you just knew that about you? What if you could be so confident in who you are? And in what you believe? And in how you express yourself? That you could just be okay with understanding that anything somebody else thought is just their own story. And maybe it's true about you, or maybe it's not true about you. I know I've had people say things to me that I think wow, we're that's really how you think about me. Like I don't understand that but whatever I mean, that's what you want to think right now not not always was like that I was not all He's like that. There were many times where no, no, no, don't think that let me explain myself. Let me help you understand why I'm not mean, let me help you understand why that's not Bazi let me help you understand why I said that instead of this, but no more. Right? I don't feel that need, I don't feel that urgency to convince someone to think about me in a different way. Because it's exhausting. It takes entirely too much energy. Right? A very confident in the things that I say, in the way that I put myself into the world. And I still work on it all the time, all the time, every day all the time. Because the human brain and human brains come with self doubt. I don't know why I wish they didn't. But they do. They come with self doubt. And self doubt, is paralyzing. And it's an energy sucker. And we've got to work on it. So as you consider how you want to evolve in your life, and who you want to be in your life, can you be okay? With other people being wrong about you? If you decide, I want to learn how to play the guitar. And so I'm going to be gone from the home two nights a week for an hour at a time for guitar lessons. And somebody else says, Well, that's very selfish. Shouldn't you be home cooking dinner? Well, that's very self absorbed, have you? Can you allow them to think that can be wrong? Because the truth is, it's something that sounds wonderful and exciting. And that learning music or playing a new instrument sounds like something that would bring life and joy into your life and into your heart. And it isn't a selfish act at all. It's helping you become more of who you really are, so that you can show up more for the people who love you. So can you express yourself and follow your desires in life and create the life you want? And be okay with other people being wrong? About what they might think about you? That's a powerful question. And I hope that you explore that more, I hope that you literally write that down on a piece of paper. Can I be okay with people being wrong about me? And what exactly does that mean? And then consider, how many things do you do in your world in your life? To make people think of you in a certain way? How much more freedom would you have? If you were not thinking you had to do things to make people think of you in the way you want them to think of you? Good lord. It's a lot even to say out loud. And I think that it's one of the things that drives us so much to the idea of going back to normal after breast cancer. Because I hear comments like this, what if I've changed so much that my husband won't love me anymore? What if I've changed so much, that my friends won't be my friends anymore. And so before you've even stepped into examining what you want, what you want to create, or how you express yourself in a way that's healthier for you and serves you better, you're already in fear that the change will be so dramatic and so drastic, that you'll lose people you love. This is another trick of the human brain, right? It gets way ahead of the game, way ahead of the game. It's like, I don't want to win the lottery. Because if I do, I'll spend all the money and I'll be broke. So you're worried about being broke before you ever bought a lottery ticket? That's the kind of thing we're talking about that kind of thought process and the brain does it. You're not alone if your brain is doing it, because it's very, very common. And so we think, I would like to change my job, I would like to start a side hustle, I would like to take time to do food prep or to go to the gym. But then what if I lose a lot of weight? What if I lose a lot of weight? And then my husband thinks I'm too skinny? What if I do write that book, and that book becomes so popular that I have to like go on book tours and go on book signings and things and I've got little kids and I can't go on book signings, and you haven't even learned how to do an outline for a book and you've convinced yourself that the book will be such a New York Times number one bestseller that your whole life will transform and then what do you do nothing. We don't allow ourselves to evolve. We're so concerned with what other people might think, or how life might change that we don't even allow ourselves to explore the change. We don't allow ourselves to evolve. We don't allow ourselves to step into the discomfort of contemplating our own Evolution. And here's a really interesting thing. I heard this statement once. And I've held on to this for a long time, because our brain, one of the functions of our brain is to protect us. So when our brain sees something that looks dangerous or harmful, it will, you know, start sending off the fireworks like don't do that don't go there, that's dangerous. And when we think about change, and growth, we're so afraid of what dramatic change might bring to our life that we forget something changes, rarely dramatic. Change is a process. And it's a long process, and tedious, often tedious process. And it's not tedious because of the tasks. It's tedious because of the mental work, we have to do our own thoughts we have to overcome to move forward in life. And so if you look back in your life, and you think about times when you changed your life, look at the process that you went through small changes over time. And so you may have encountered resistance from other people in your life, even as you made those changes. But that's okay, because they eventually learned to come along, or you eventually learned, I'm just not vibrating at the same level as this person anymore. And maybe this isn't a person who fits in my life right now or not in my life in that relationship in the capacity in which it was before. Right? So when we think about what if I change too much, and this person does like me, or that person judges me, or that person thinks I think I'm too great. Well, that's on them. Right? And we've again, got to allow them to be wrong. And then we have to tell our brain, yeah. When I step out, and I do this new thing for myself, I'm putting myself in harm's way.
Laura Lummer 16:54
But I've got my own back doing it. And what does that mean? How are you putting yourself in harm's way? Well, you're putting yourself in harm's way in the fact that you may not like what people say, you may be putting more money out into the world to make this thing happen, then you're comfortable doing so that feels scary, that feels like you might be in harm's way, you're putting yourself out where people might judge you and say, Well, who do you think you are to do that? Or really, I remember, as an adult, I got braces. I was one of six children and getting teeth straightened was not an issue with my parents. And out of all the six kids, I was one of crooked teeth. Everybody else had perfect teeth. And as an adult in my 40s, I got braces. And I remember people say, Well, why would you get braces now? Why does it matter now? And I would think, well, that's a weird because it's important to meet now what is now mean? Like I'm 40 some years old, am I just waiting to die at this point, like I can't do anything that helps me feel good about myself or better about myself, that I'm putting myself out in the world in the way I'm comfortable putting myself out in the world. You know, so it's kind of when we make any kind of change, we say, What will people think? Because our brain is like, aren't you putting yourself in harm's way? Won't you get criticized? Won't people question you? And maybe they will? And maybe they won't? But what will you make it mean? If they do? What will you make it mean? If they don't see the real you, and they're wrong about you? Can you be okay with letting people be wrong about you? And can you have your own back when your brain says you're putting yourself in harm's way? And you can say I know I am. But I've got my seatbelt here, right? I'm going to take these small steps, and I'm going to be careful. And it's scary. And it's risky. But it's friggin National Women's History Month. And if there weren't women in our history that decided to put themselves in harm's way, harm's way that decided that it was okay for other people to be wrong about them, that they could blaze that path for the women behind them. Where will we be right now? Right. And again, I'm not asking you to go out and be some historical figure. But I'm saying be you be comfortable being you and set that example for other women, that it's okay to be them. And, you know, sometimes I hear oh, what does that mean? And what if people really are mean and they're not? You know, most of the time when we see behaviors that are inappropriate behaviors or angry behaviors or mean behaviors, it's because of something else someone else has been through. It's an insecurity on their part or defensiveness on their part or something of that nature. But when we hold space for people and let them know that they're safe being their authentic self, I think you'll be amazed at how people show up for themselves. and how we begin to see the beauty in people. And I know that that's true for you, too. So we first practice allowing ourselves to evolve. And we work on the idea that it's okay for me to be exactly who I am. And when you can start getting comfortable for that, with that, when you can start trusting yourself in that space, then you can hold that space for other women to and wouldn't that be great. And if that sounds good to you, and it sounds like something you want to explore, to get more comfortable for yourself, to start really digging into how you live your life by other people's thoughts versus how you want to live your life by your thoughts, then my friend, go to the breast cancer recovery coach.com and enroll in my becoming you program because there is nothing I love more than coaching women and empowering you. And what I know for sure, is that when you go through one of my programs, if you do the work, and you show up and get coached, you will experience change, you will move closer to creating what it is that you want in your life. 100% I know that you will, because that's what I see in the women that I work with. And if that's what you want, I am here for you. Right we are stronger when we stand up for each other and support each other. All right, have a great wonderful week and I will talk to you again next week and until then, be so good to yourself. Take care
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