Have you ever heard yourself say...
“I shouldn’t be here.”
“I should be past this by now.”
“This shouldn’t still be happening.”
Or some version of that?
When we resist where we are now, we close ourselves off to this experience.
We dismiss the value of what we can learn and what we have to offer at this moment in time.
It may feel uncomfortable or unfair, but that can also be a distraction from what you can learn about yourself in this moment.
What if where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be?
How does that feel?
Check out this episode and learn the value of accepting that where you are now is exactly we should be.
Read Full Transcript Below:
This is Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm a healthy lifestyle coach, a clinical Ayurveda specialist, a personal trainer, and I'm also a breast cancer survivor. In this podcast, we talk about healthy thinking and mindfulness practices, eating well, moving your body for health and longevity. And we'll also hear from other breast cancer survivors who have re-engaged with life and have incredible stories to share. This podcast is your go-to resource for getting back to life after breast cancer.
Hello, hello, welcome to another episode of the breast cancer recovery coach Podcast. I am your host, Laura Lummer.
I am happy that you're here with me today, I'm happy I get to be here with you today, every day, and every week that we get to connect with each other is a blessing. And I'm always, always, always grateful for it.
If you're new to the show, or if you are a repeat listener if you've been around for a long time, but you have never taken the time to go to the website and downloaded my free video series, the four pillars of breast cancer recovery, I just wanted to remind you that that's available to you. It's right on the homepage. So you just go to thebreastcancerrecoverycoach.com, and right there at the top of the homepage, you can download the free video series. And I put that video series together to outline what I call the four pillars of breast cancer recovery. And they're basically a system of framework that I use in my own healing for myself and for those that I coach. And I think that there's so much that goes on and so much that's happening with us and in our lives, as we come out of breast cancer treatment. And I say that a lot of people say well, I'm always in treatment, or I'm in treatment for 10 years because I'm on aromatase inhibitors.
And, and Yes, that's true.
But I mean, out of the initial treatment phase of whatever it might be surgeries, chemotherapy, reconstruction, but anyway, you know what I'm saying. So it's that active part of treatment, where your doctor says, okay, you're good to go, you have no evidence of disease. And we'll see you in a couple of months for a follow-up.
And that's typically the point where the wheels come off.
You know, where our minds offer us so many different thoughts, so many different belief systems start to clash. And we feel out of sorts, maybe confused, maybe overwhelmed, maybe fearful, we recognize the traumatic situation we've been through, we may or may not realize that we're experiencing some PTSD. There are demands or expectations, either from those around us, or we tell ourselves there are demands and expectations around us. And all that can come together in a perfect storm.
And I see it almost similar to the grieving process, you know, there are stages to the grieving process of losing a loved one. And that's well known and studied. And I see that same process after breast cancer. And so I put together the four pillars as a framework based on my own experience, in recovering from breast cancer, and then in now and continually living my best life with breast cancer. And also from the experience I see, with all the women that I coach and all the women that I speak with, and the four pillars are Release, Renew, Regroup, and Revive.
And it's something within each of those pillars are contained a lot of things. But the reason that I think it's important is because when we have a framework, and we're going through a difficult time, or we're feeling something that we want to even make happen we want to create, it's not necessarily a difficult time, but a moment where things just aren't clear. And it gives you this space where you can look at and say, okay, am I holding on to something that's holding you back? Is there a belief or a thought, or a limiting thought, you know, is there something I need to let go of that I'm telling myself I have to be, have to do, should be, should become?
Is there something I need to do to renew myself to take better care of myself so that I can move forward? How can I restructure my life to take better care of myself in every conceivable level? That's not just diet and exercise?
And then there is the regroup in what do I see differently? How are things different for me now? And what are my needs? For the people around me, for my work, for my volunteer work, for my free time...What is it if anything that feels different that I want to be different from before I had breast cancer, that I'm feeling that I want to change and then there's revive Which is how do I now enjoy my life? How do I move forward? When I've looked at these things? How do I move forward? And what are the gifts, my natural innate gifts of making the best apple pie in the world, of building and evaluating businesses, whatever your gift is, how do I use that, to fulfill and to exponentially increase the joy in my life?
And it doesn't necessarily go in, it's not a sequential order sometimes these pillars, sometimes we've done some of this work without even realizing it. And we're stuck in a new place. And so having that framework is just something I think helps to give you a lens to which to look through and kind of evaluate your life and your thought and where you are, at this point in time, and maybe help to zero in on something that you may need to sit with for a while, that you may need to work on to help you move forward into the place you want to be in your life.
So I invite you to go to my website, thebreastcancerrecoverycoach.com, and it's completely free, download that free video series, the four pillars of breast cancer recovery.
And let me know what you think about it.
I love hearing feedback. I love Love, love hearing feedback, because I'm out here in podcast land, on the other side of the computer, trying to put out into the world what I think would be helpful and supportive for you. But hey, you're the expert on you.
So I love hearing from you and hearing what you need, and what your thoughts are and where you feel the most supportive, and where you could use more support. All of this is incredibly invaluable information. And you can also join the breast cancer recovery group, which is my free Facebook group, and talk to me in there and talk to the hundreds and hundreds of other women that are in there, who are all after one thing to support each other and to create the happiest lives they can for themselves. And we support each other by I don't know giving back that feedback. And then and honoring the places that we're at, and giving support and love, and connection to those who need it when they need it.
All right. So I hope you do that. I hope you if you haven't already. And if you are already in one of my groups, or you've already been through the four pillars of breast cancer recovery, you can shoot me an email at [email protected] and let me know your thoughts, right. I always love that.
Alright. So talking about, you know, these four pillars and where you're at and what you need at different points in your life. I was out walking this morning, a beach walk is a way I like to start the morning. And I think that the beach walks are my shower moments. It's a place where my brain checks out from all the to-do lists and connects to nature connects to that healing energy that is inside of me.
And I spend a lot of time when I'm at the beach, just trying to come back to myself. And notice where I'm at what's going on with me what I can do to support my health and healing. And it's also a place that I go to when I want to accomplish or create something and I don't know how to do it. And I go there because that's the place where my brain can check out. And that's why I say it's like a shower moment when your brain checks out of all the things that are around you. And you can just listen to yourself and ask yourself that question like what do I need to put out in the world today?
I often do this when I need to do a podcast. You know, when I first started the podcast, I had no idea what to talk about. And so I really honed in on what I knew best at that time, which was you know, diet, exercise, supplementation, new information on what supports breast cancer. And then as I move through my own healing and transformation in my life, I realized the importance of the mental and emotional components. And I just started doing more work on that for myself and putting out more information on that type of work. And actually, got to a point where I thought, am I losing touch with the women that I set out to support? Right? Am I still connected to those women who are in this space after breast cancer recovery? And am I still relatable to them?
And I remember thinking about that, and I was thinking you know, here I am almost 10 years out. Am I still putting out information that is serving others and that was really important to me? And then bam, as you know, fate would have it I got a new diagnosis. And so I was like okay, well here I am right back in it. And honestly at that point, when I got that diagnosis, I thought oh wow. Is this going to take me away from the women that I want to serve? Is this going to is my message going to make sense to the women who follow me, who listen to the podcast, who come to my coaching programs, webinars, workshops, all of that kind of thing? Are they still going to feel connected to me? Or one, I've thought a lot will they be afraid of me? Because I am, you know the manifestation of their worst fear of having a breast cancer recurrence? Or will they not want to hear from me because I go, well, shit, the one thing I don't want is recurrence. That's what you got. So I'm out, I'm going to look somewhere else, you know, and I thought about all of those things.
And I talked to my own coach about those things. And I said, you know, this is really heavy on my mind, because this is an important part of my life is something that is very, very dear to me. And she, of course, gave me the best advice and just said, you have to share your story. With transparency, you have to be you, and you are where you're at in your life. And that's it, you can't pretend to be elsewhere. And you can't hold in where you're at, because that will come through as a lack of authenticity. And that doesn't serve you or your audience.
And that totally made sense to me.
And even though I knew it was the right thing to do, it was still very frightening. For me, it was a scary time, change is scary. Letting go of things you worked so hard to build is scary. Letting go of ideas or beliefs of the way things should be is scary, because if it's not what it should be, what is it going to be? It's scary. And I want to talk about this because I believe you can feel me here. I believe that when we go through this experience, and this is based on my experience and the experience of so many others that I've worked with, that there's this tremendous fear of being where we are now.
Of really sitting in this place and being where we are now trying to understand it, and then being open to the potential and the possibility of what is to come.
And that fear causes us to latch on and be attached to a previous version of ourselves. To believe that a previous version of ourselves was the best version, was the way it should be. When actually the way it should be, is the way it is now. Because if it wasn't the way it should be, it wouldn't be happening. And it's really difficult sometimes to connect to that. Because we look at this disruption of life. As this messed up my life. This is not the way it should be. This was not the plan. This is not what was supposed to happen to me. And I want to offer that is exactly what's supposed to happen. Because it's exactly where you are. And it is that resistance towards accepting the place where we are now in life. And that could be if you are brand new out of breast cancer treatment that can be up your years out of it. It could be if you're in it. And it could be if you're yours out of it. And you're in another place in your life where you're struggling with where you are, where you want to be, what the difference is, what the gap is, and then allowing yourself to become yourself.
Yeah, like allowing yourself to become yourself think about that.
Because we feel so resistant to showing these versions of ourselves that even people around us because we say it doesn't fit their expectation, right? A lot of the women that I work with are concerned because they feel themselves transforming and evolving. And they feel concerned about their loved ones, the people that's around them in their lives. And they say, Well, you know, they're still the same. They're not doing this work. And that creates more fear. What if I change? What if I transform and the people around me don't like it? Who will I become? What will I be like? How did they learn to deal with it?
And that is just getting so way far ahead of where you need to be.
Maybe it doesn't have to be scary.
What if we could live with this idea if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be? And I believe I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, then I owe no apologies for where I'm at. I don't have to be afraid of what is yet to come. Because what is yet to come, obviously is where I'm supposed to be also. And that just kind of helps to center a little bit right?
If you can let go of the fear of what is to come in, look at yourself and say whether you're in a good place or an uncomfortable place, or a really freaking painful place. If this is where I'm supposed to be. What can I take from this? What can I learn from this? And one of the first thoughts that may come to your brain as it did come to my brain as I worked on this concept as I worked on really, really letting this become a part of my belief system was I don't want to be here. This place sucks. I don't deserve it. It isn't fair. I don't want to be.
But why do we even have that expectation, to begin with? You know life isn't fair. We know this, I don't want to be here, great, that doesn't really change anything, this is where you're at.
So I was thinking about this as let me rewind a minute here, as I'm walking on the beach, and I'm thinking about doing podcasts. And I'm thinking about my business. And I'm thinking about coaching. And I'm thinking about staying connected and being relevant to what the survivors go through what we survivors go through at every stage, whether that is right out of treatment, or years after treatment. And I thought, you know, this applies to everybody.
Because we're constantly changing and evolving. In sometimes we're in a horrible place. And sometimes we're in a great place. And sometimes we're in a place where we need more growth. Sometimes we're in a place where we need more stillness. And if we can stop and just recognize what we're experiencing what that inner voice is telling us. And we can trust ourselves enough to listen to it in and leave out all of the judgments and all of the filters, and all of the societal expectations and all of that this isn't supposed to be this way. But really understand that every time we hear ourselves say that it was like if it wasn't supposed to be this way, it wouldn't be this way.
I'll share a quote with you that I recently shared with my members, my coaching members, and it says "healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you all have the expectations, all of the beliefs and becoming who you are."
And that's a quote by Rachel Naomi Remen.
And I think as we're going through the process of breast cancer recovery, whether it's new and raw, or whether it's a journey and a process you've been going through for some time now, that's a really important thing to remember.
Because I think the desire for change, the fear of change, and the attachment to holding on to a previous version of yourself will all come up, they come up, they came up for me, they come up for every single person that I've worked with. And when we notice that come up, when we hear ourselves saying, well, what is this going to end up like, well, if I make this change, which is something my heart is telling me I need? What will the people I love think of me? How will that change my relationships? And if I'm holding on so tightly to this attachment of being a previous version of myself, which I know for a fact I can't go back to, and I want to stop suffering? What if I could just be here now and tell myself, this is where I'm supposed to be. And I'm going to trust in myself to make the right decisions as I move forward to all the future versions of myself.
So for me, when I think about that, and as I shared a moment ago, how I have my own fears about how does my evolution, how did the changes in my life that impact me and cause me to work on the way that I think, and the way that I act, and the way that I live? How do those impact what I want something else to look like, you know, what I thought the breast cancer recovery coach podcast was going to be or what I thought my coaching programs were going to be how does this affect them?
And the one thing that I learned is, I have no idea.
All I know is that each day, I have to stay true to myself, and take a step each day towards listening to that and trusting that inner voice. And just expressing and sharing my story as it changes and evolves. And for you, that may be very, very different. Because it depends on where you're at in your life. But the important thing about it is to notice that when you feel the need to be yourself when you feel the rumbling when you feel the something changing when you know something has to move forward. And you have to let go of something else in order to make that happen.
Just do that one thing. You know, just be there in that moment doing that thing.
And when you catch your mind going head to what that thing is going to cause and what changes that thing is going to bring you got to come back and tell yourself You know what, I don't know. Because you don't know. I don't know. None of us know, we can project, we can guess, we can think, but because you change the things around you will change. And 100% of the time that we project some change, it's going to happen. It's going to end up differently than what we thought. So this is what's so important when we talk about this practice of be here. Now. Just stay here with what you need, then catch your brain telling you, it's going to end up in some kind of horrible apocalyptic disaster, come back, and know that you don't know the future.
And that I have seen, I'll share this with you, I've seen so much incredible. I don't even know the right word for it, just this magnificent evolution of people, as my clients and members change, and become vulnerable and open to themselves. And then share that with the people around them. How the people around them evolve and change. It's amazing. It's truly amazing. And this thing that our brain does, which is forecast how everything's going to be, and it's never good, right? Never good. I mean, I guess sometimes, if you're imagining winning the lottery, it can be good momentarily.
But the point is, to learn to trust yourself in this moment, and know you're exactly where you should be.
Don't judge yourself for not being further, don't shame yourself for being here. Don't tell yourself, this isn't the way it should be. Just notice what you can learn in this moment, where you're at in your life, and it certainly isn't gonna be easy. And again, I wish we could throw the expectation of an easy button out the window because it won't be easy training yourself to think in new in different ways is not easy bringing yourself back out of fear back out or discomfort back out of anxiety back out of depression back out of worry.
All these things take consistent energy.
You know, one thing that I've really discovered, as I work on my own healing as I work to support my own health is that every day, it takes energy, every day, I ought to be dedicated and determined to noticing when my mind is thinking, is this worth it? Is this what is the end result going to be? What if the worst-case scenario happens, what's going to happen to my family, all the things that I know you thought of too, and I catch my mind, and I have to bring it back to I am right where I'm supposed to be and today this is what I'm working on.
And that's one step at a time, right?
Today, you might be working on just practicing observing your brain and bringing it back to right now where you're supposed to be. So here are some steps to help you solidify this practice or solidify, geez, even begin this practice in your life.
One is just taking that moment on a daily basis. I like to start in the morning you do what works for you. But I think that setting that intention in the morning and approaching your day with I am exactly where I'm supposed to be helps you to have a little different perspective of the day. So as things come up, instead of why is this happening? And why is that happening? And when will this ever end? is to say, Okay, I know exactly where I'm supposed to be. Let me be here. Now, what do I need to support myself? What do I need to learn? Who do I need to lean on? What help do I need to accept this is right where I'm supposed to be? Where's my ego getting the way in the way of what I need? And instilling that daily practice will only help to increase that awareness.
Step two is noticing that when fear or anxiety creeps in, of what is to come, if this is right where I'm supposed to be. And then I start worrying about well if this is what I'm supposed to be what if it goes downhill? What if it goes this way? What if it goes that way, then creating that awareness when you start thinking that way and telling yourself those stories is to stop and to trust. This is how you build trust in yourself and that inner voice and tell yourself, this is where I am supposed to be. And I trust in myself and my decisions. And I'm open to seeing what that means in my life.
These two simple steps, my friend, it's life-changing. It's so powerful because it gets our brains out of this automatic worst-case scenario mode out of this idea that the way something used to be is the best way and if anything changes, then it's never going to be as good.
And that's simply not true.
Because it's based on expectations of past experiences. You're basing what you think would be good on what you've already experienced in life. But what if there's something you haven't experienced that's even better? And if you can stay with yourself right now knowing this is right where I'm supposed to be? Who knows how amazing that might be?
I was having a conversation with someone the other day and she was telling me that she was taking this trip, this vacation and that it was something that was just on her heart and she needed to do it. And as so many of us do, then she started questioning, should I spend the money? Should I go? And I just said to her, you know, if it's on your heart, you're supposed to do it. You're feeling this so strongly, and you're exactly where you're supposed to be. So who knows what's waiting for you on that trip. But you know, the right now your heart is telling you, you need to take it.
So you got to go. Right?
And you've got to stop your brain from talking yourself out of things. Because exactly what you're thinking and feeling is what you need to be thinking and feeling right now. If those thoughts are, I'm uncomfortable, and I need change, stay there. If those thoughts are, I'm a victim, and this is crap. And this should have never happened to me stay there and really think about it. Really think about what that means. If the thought is I am on top of the world and I can conquer anything, heck yeah stay there, you know, you are exactly where you're supposed to be.
And I love this as a journaling exercise. I think I've talked before that we do thought downloads in my coaching. And what if you were to write at the top of a piece of paper, I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. And just dump every thought that comes to your brain about that. Why? Why are you there? What does it mean to you? What are you making it mean to you? And really look at what's going on in your head? This is just gold right there? What can you do differently? What can you do better? How can you support yourself even more? And what thoughts and beliefs are you holding on to that might be limiting you and keeping you here in this place. or are you telling yourself you're not supposed to be that you don't want to be? Or do you have written on your heart that there's some next step you need to take? And then you question it, and you analyze it and you hold yourself back. But if you're right there, and your heart is saying this is it, take the leap. That's right where you're supposed to be.
And that's a lot easier to do sometimes with positive things. And it is with negative things in our life, right? Because if we're looking at things that we perceive as negative and saying this is right, where I'm supposed to be inevitably we start shaming ourselves, we start blaming ourselves, we start telling ourselves, I did something wrong to be here, and I don't like it. And this is a very important part of this practice of if this is right, where you're supposed to be then why?
And looking at places where you shame yourself, or you hold yourself back or you limit yourself or you belittle yourself or you don't allow yourself to be the full expression of who you really are.
You know, I've struggled with those thoughts, too. I have stage four cancer. And of course, I looked at and said, Wow, if I'm right where I'm supposed to be, what the heck, what can I learn, if this is where I'm supposed to be? Right now I tell myself, I need to understand the totality of healing, and all of the aspects of that. And that means connecting to myself, connecting to other people connecting to the environment, to food, to this earth, to my thoughts, and to the way that I think and feel about everything in my environment.
That's where I'm supposed to be.
And then if I do that, then I can come here and I can do this podcast, and I can share with you some of those steps. And hopefully, it will help someone else who needs to hear that.
You know, something that I have heard so many times and it always makes my heart glow. When I hear it is someone sharing their story with me and saying, you know, I was in this really hard place or I was in this real big struggle and I just came across your podcast. And I don't know how I don't even know how I stumbled across your podcast, or I opened something up and there you were, it's like it was meant to be. I want to say yeah, that's life, right when we open our eyes to it, when we're ready to receive when we're willing to say I am right where I'm supposed to be, then we can see what else is out there for me.
What is here to support me because you will always find that support the universe will take care of you will have your back when you are open and ready to being right here in this moment. And growing from this space.
So get out that pencil and paper and write down that sentence and see what it means to you. And while you're doing it. Be gentle on yourself.
When you see the judgment and the shame come up and you don't know how to work past it. come and find me you come to the breast cancer recovery group and get the support you need.
Alright, that's what was on my mind, today friends. So I hope that helps someone out there who may be needed to hear it as well.
And I will talk to you again next week.
And until then, please please be good to yourself and expect others to be good to you as well.