Sometimes a thought can be like a splinter, a wisp of smoke, or a hair dangling against the skin on your face that’s so fine you can’t see it, but so bothersome that you can’t ignore it.

It pulls you away from the present moment and it stops you from moving forward even though you can’t really identify it.

In this episode, I offer two thoughts of this nature that I’ve come across in my own process of healing and creating the life I dream of.

Also like a splinter, it might hurt a little bit to pull those thoughts out and examine them.

But, once you do, once you feel the relief, you’ll wonder why you let it fester as long as you did, as the way will now be clear to take the next step forward in your life.

Referred to in this episode:

The Four Pillars of Breast Cancer Recovery Free Video Series

The Breast Cancer Recovery Group

Read full transcript below:

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This is Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm a healthy lifestyle coach, a clinical Ayurveda specialist, a personal trainer, and I'm also a breast cancer survivor. In this podcast, we talk about healthy thinking and mindfulness practices, eating well, moving your body for health and longevity. And we'll also hear from other breast cancer survivors who have reengaged with life, and have incredible stories to share. This podcast is your go to resource for getting back to life after breast cancer. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I am your host, Laura Lummer. I am thrilled to be here it is a gift to get to be here, every time I get to put the show out. And my only hope for it is that it reaches the ears of someone who needs to hear it. And a great way to make that happen is to get feedback from you. So if you're a regular listener, or you're a new listener, and you haven't left a rating, or review for the breast cancer recovery coach podcast, I would love it. If you could make the time to do that, find it in your calendar or somewhere or if you're listening to it on your phone, you can scroll right down to the bottom where you're listening to it and just hit a few stars are typing a sentence or two about your thoughts on the show. Anyway, ratings and reviews, they just help other people to find the show and hopefully, someone who needs this information, or needs the support or needs to know they're not alone. And they will reach their ears and they'll become a part of our community. All right, so let's jump right into the show today. This is something that I've been giving a lot of thought to. Because well, as you know, if you are a regular listener to the show, if you follow me on social media at all, I spent a lot of time soul searching, reading, studying, researching, learning about healing, learning about what other people who have healed from breast cancer do. And you might hear that from me and think, oh, doesn't apply to me, I don't have cancer anymore. But I just want to offer that when we go through treatment, that's to cure cancer, right, instead remove the disease, or the cellular imbalance from our body. But I think that's very different from healing. So removing the disease is one thing. But then searching yourself, connecting to yourself to your life, to your food to your environment, to your relationships, looking at what can I change from my past so that I support myself even better? What does the future me look like? Like, what's my dream of her? And what would she tell me to do to support myself? And that's where I think the healing comes in. And that's what I work on. So yes, I'm trying to heal from active disease. But all of us are trying to heal from something, whether it's something from our past, whether it's breast cancer, whether it's the scars from breast cancer, and I don't just mean physical scars, but all of the experiences and life that we still struggle through, that we may have in our mind and keep thinking about and creating pain in our life as a result of that. All that needs healing. So I read the statement, and I'll be straight with you. It rubbed me the wrong way when I read it. I think I've talked about it in a previous show, but not in any detail. Look I'm going to do today. But the statement was, what have you done to participate in your own illness? And I thought, I don't like the sound of that, right. Sounds like I gave myself cancer. And of course, that's just the way I interpreted it was just my thought at the time. But it stuck with me. It's one of those sticky thoughts. And I kept thinking about it. What have I done to participate in my own illness? And then another statement came up in a book I was reading and it said, you really have to look at how your illness serves you. And that didn't sit right with me. Wait a minute, what? Cancer benefits me serves me. Oh, you know, there's resistance. Absolutely. Resistance came up in me then. How does cancer serve served me? I don't like it. I like it. Right. Didn't want to think about it then. But it kept coming up. And I keep reading more books on healing. And those two things keep coming up. How does it serve you? How do you participate in your own illness? So I thought, Well, shit, I guess I better think about this better look at this right. And at first I didn't come up with anything which is pretty much because I didn't want to look at the fact that this illness serves me in some way. All right, so when you're still resisting it, you're not going to come up with a lot of good stuff. And, you know, the part about participating in my own illness that I could look at, and begin to say, alright, what could I have done differently, right? There were definitely relationships, work environments, things like that, that you could refer to or label as toxic, that I maybe should have changed sooner than I did and didn't. And then that's kind of an opening, right a lens to start looking at that through. So also participating in your own illness, I don't think means you give yourself cancer. But it does mean that you're allowing your body, your mind your emotions, to be in stressful places, or unhealthy environments, longer than you know, is good for you. And in those situations, that can definitely cause a weakness in the immune system. And that can be an opportunity for cancer. So when I think about how do I participate in my own illness, not being true to myself, realizing something is a situation, a relationship, an environment that I don't want to be in, and then not changing it, looking at my diet, looking at anything I put in or on my body, and asking myself, you know, is this really serving me in that case? You know, in the other case, it's situations and environments that you don't like, but you stay. And when it comes to eating and drinking and things we put on our body or in our homes that can be? Well, I like it, that I know it doesn't serve me and in as much as it doesn't support healing. So a couple different perspectives there. So I can look at that, and I start to make peace with that. Okay, I get it, absolutely, I can see how we could refer to that as participating in my own illness, by knowing I could make changes, and then choosing not to make those changes, choosing not to dig into them and look at why I do them, and just mindfully observe them. And the challenges that may or may not come up behind them, but then just choosing not to address it because it's just easier, right? That was too hard. Because I don't want to I don't want change whatever the reasons might be. But then comes this other statement. How does your illness serve you? And I still think it's a really hard one to wrap my head around. How does my illness serve me. And then I was doing some coaching calls over the last couple weeks. And I learned so much from coaching calls so friggin much. And as I'm listening to these women, and that phrase pops into my head, ooh, that's how your illness is serving you right there. You know, and I'll give you an example. Some examples can be, you know, if I have cancer, or if I'm in treatment for cancer, then I don't have to do the things that I don't want to do. So let's go back 30 seconds to saying, If I'm in a job I don't like. But I don't want to really dig into the thoughts behind it. Or all the challenges behind it are all of the tethers to the job, and whatever it might be finances and security and all of this stuff. And I don't want to dig into it. Well, I don't have to do it. If I'm going through chemotherapy, I don't have to do it if I'm in surgery, right. And I am doing some calls and I'm hearing people say you know, I just kind of like not having to do things.

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And so that triggers me to think, oh, I had to how does that relate to me? Am I doing that? And I am in some places in my life? I absolutely am. And so I thought, Oh, dang, this is how the disease serves us. Right? And so I started to really see, you know, I think about how we talk about how I refer to going through breast cancer as this veil being lifted as we begin to see things more clearly in our life. And then this starts the struggle that starts that struggle of what do I want my life to look like? And then dang some of the stuff I need to do to change it is really hard. And I don't know it scares me It scares me Will it change my relationships will change my job will change my income. Will it change me? Will it change who I am? Will I like who I am? Will people still like who I am. Right? All those thoughts go through our head. So we have this book for cancer life. And we may not really like everything about it. Oftentimes I'll hear people say you know, cancer, ruin my life and then we start coaching and I hear all the things they didn't like about themselves or their previous way their life was or their lifestyle. And I think that what happens is that cancer brings As an awareness, because that veil gets lifted, and we start looking at things differently, and then they start looking back going, Well, I really wasn't happy with that. And I was judgmental, and I was angry. And I was passive. And I did let things happen that I didn't like. And I did keep a job that was toxic that I didn't want. And I did tell myself, I wasn't worthy. And now I'm really just opening my eyes to it. But then we look forward. And we see, I want things to change. But maybe I can get a complete picture of how that's going to look if things change, or maybe even the little tiny glimpse into what it will look like if things change is really freaking scary right now. And, and it seems difficult, because I've got to have some things that I perceive as challenging conversations with those that are close to me, or those that I work with, or whatever, whatever. So we essentially find ourselves stuck between these two worlds. And this came up this, this realization occurred to me today, as I was on my own coaching call with my own coach, and talking about this subject and, and asking, like digging into what are ways in which cancer serves me, because I don't want it to serve me, right? I don't want this in my body, I want to be healed from it. And for anyone who's listening, who doesn't have a you don't want it back, right? So we have to look at does it serve you? Does it get you out of things you don't want to do? Because, hey, it's really easy to say, and nobody judges and everybody understands, when you say, Oh, I can't do that, right. And sometimes we even use our current treatment with it, we isolate, I work with so many women who isolate their lives who are just like, I'm not going to go to this social event, I'm going to isolate. And what they're really doing is feeling a tremendous amount of fear, a tremendous amount of self judgment of unworthiness, and they're not processing it. So instead, they're just withdrawing. So we live in this, I have this fear of recurrence because I don't want to die. And as a result of that fear, and not working with that I withdraw from life and don't live my life fully. Right. So it's this interesting cycle. And I perceive that as something that's actually happening, when we don't look at the ways in which cancer benefits us, I worked with a woman who suddenly, because of a lot of joint pain from her treatment, was receiving a tremendous amount of attention that she never had before, from her spouse. And as we coached and as I listened, I realized, there's this really deep attachment to this pain for this person. Because as long as she has that pain, she gets a lot of attention from a person she really wants attention from. Now, is there another option, of course there is, there's to stand up and say, I'm not happy with the way the relationship was, I want and need more love and attention and time from you. But she didn't have that in herself to bring that out and to face that and to confront that and to work through that with her spouse. But it just came to her as a result of what she was going through. So I think that it's for me, this is such an eye opening thing, because this can be happening at a really subconscious level. And you may hear me talking about it and be as irritated with me as I was when I first heard that statement. Right? You may say to yourself, I don't even like what you're talking about, don't even bring that up. This doesn't benefit me at all. But I wonder if the more irritation we feel as I did when I heard it is because we've really got some stuff under there that we're benefiting from. And if we face it, and we own it, if we own that I'm benefiting from this. One, we have to do the work. But to we get to break free of that chain.

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We get to move from that pre cancer person from the world that we were in, that was created. By the way we were conditioned to think and believe and I'll give you some examples. So we're raised to be conditioned and to believe you get a job, you get security, you have benefits. And if you have those things, you don't leave them. And so if something inside of you is saying but gosh, I feel like there's something more right now you're feeling this thing. Oh, I had that. And now it's that jacket that's too tight. It doesn't fit me anymore. I want it to change. But I'm stuck between these two worlds, the one I was conditioned to believe was the right way to live. And this other one that could be so fantastic and limitless and have all of these opportunities, I could live anywhere I want, if I was willing to take that chance that risk, have those difficult conversations, invest that time, make those changes, whatever they might be in whatever area of life you might need to make them in. And then we can come back and say, Well, I don't have that much energy. And I'm really fatigued. And you know, when I do that much, you know, I just get too tired or, you know, my knees kind of hurt. So I don't think I'll go do that. And in that way, cancer benefits us if please don't think that I'm judging or saying that you're not really having pain, because I know you do. I know I do. It's, if we are honoring our body by saying today, I'm really, really tired. And I need to honor my body and give it the rest that it needs. Or if we're feeling fear, and then using our illness, to avoid dealing with something that we don't want to feel on an emotional level, right, two very different things. And some of that can be the fear of letting go, what we were conditioned to think was the right way to live. The fear of letting go of a certain amount of income to change your life and do something you think would be really magnificent, that wouldn't make enough money or have the same benefits that a previous position or something you were in did. Lots of times I talk with women and it's the fear of what the fallout might be if they begin to address the issues in their closest relationships, friendships, intimate relationships, family connections. And there's a lot of fear that if I, if I speak up, if I say these things, what will change. And I understand that, of course, I totally understand that. And we have to sometimes bring ourselves back into this moment and not let ourselves get too far ahead. If we think you know what, I need to go in and talk to my boss and tell him I'm not making any money, and jump right to OSHA, if I do that my boss is gonna fire me a whole lot of steps in between, right? If I go to my spouse, and I say to my spouse, you know what, I would really like us to devote more time to each other and just make a point of committing to having more time together, because I really missed your attention, going right to Oh, my gosh, this person is not going to want to hear that from me. And then we're going to end up in a big argument. And then we're not gonna speak for two weeks, and we'll probably end up getting divorced. That's a big leap. So we have to check in with our mind when it comes to asking ourselves these questions, asking what's really under ways in which we might be participating in our illness or not participating in our healing, and ways in which illness might be serving us. So we have to be able to be really honest with ourselves, even though it may take time. You know, I think when I started exploring these two questions, I really just scratched the surface a little bit, you know, just scratch the surface of oh, can I go there? It's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable to think that, right? Because, especially when it comes to cancer, we want to believe that it's, it's all external. But trust me, I mean, holy cow, am I doing a lot of research, and whether the research is from a holistic point of view, from a complementary medicine and alternative medicine point of view, or from a scientific medicine, western point of view, there is always in everything that I've come across an emotional component. And again, that does not mean that we caused cancer for ourselves. But it means that if we can look at those emotional components, we might be more able to better support our immune system, and our whole health, right? There's no guarantees. That's not what I'm saying, either. But wouldn't it be nice if you didn't have to get that sick feeling in your gut? Wouldn't it be nice if you didn't have that tightness in your throat? Because there was something you didn't want to do? But you didn't know how to vocalize that. When it'd be nice if you could look at those things that you avoid by using an excuse and ask yourself, How can I approach this in a more constructive way, so I no longer have to avoid it. So I can step up and say, This doesn't work for me. And I need to work on this. We need to work on this. I need to change this. I'm going to take steps towards changing this. And then we don't need anything to hide behind. I found that I was really struggling with what I can only describe as This dual perception of myself that, on the one hand, I'm dealing with doctors and insurances and benefits, that are looking at me as a very sick person as a person with stage four cancer. And on the other side of that coin, I'm looking at myself, as a person healing from a cellular imbalance with a vision of a bright, full life in my future. And I was really struggling with that. And I kept asking myself, like, why am I holding on to this piece of it? This sick piece of it? How in what way? Is this piece of people perceiving me as sick? serving me? And why do I feel like I have to separate those things? Like why do I have to be a sick person and a healthy person? Why can't I be healthy person that's working to just support healing. But there was something in the back of my mind. And I think we have a cancer mentality in our society in the world, right? There's something in the back of my mind that says, You're a cancer patient. And I wanted to let go of that thought, I want to let go, that voice that kept coming up saying, You're a cancer patient, don't forget, you can't do all those things you might have you might get cancer again, cancer might get worse, cancer might spread. And I realized, dang, that's always there, isn't it? When I hear and I speak, and I read and I, I speak to these people who say, the fear of recurrence is always there. That's a little voice in the back of our head saying, Hold on, you might get cancer, do you really want to invest in that course? Do you really want to remodel the house? Do you really want to, I don't know, spend all that time losing 50 pounds? What if you just get cancer again, and it holds us back. And it keeps us stuck? Between these two worlds, it keeps us stuck in this damn cancer world. And it keeps us from fully stepping in to that future version of ourself. And we might say, well, it benefits me because now I can play it safe, you know, benefits me because I don't have to take the risks. But it doesn't really benefit us. Right, that statement, how does it benefit you is somewhat of an oxymoron. Because we're saying, if we think about it, in the terms of this benefits me because I don't want to do those things. And now I don't have to do those things. But it doesn't benefit you because you're not stepping into the potential growth by looking and saying what is really true for me, and then how do I express that truth. So I can get what I want from this really constructive point of view. So I can live the life I want, from this constructive point of view, rather than from the disease point of view. And then we still hold on to that thread. And we have that tether, we have the tether to illness. So what I just will offer you that I am now working on myself as this becomes more and more clear to me. And as I want to be very, very aware of any little remnant of that type of thought that that holds me into this other world that keeps me into this world of play it safe and don't change too many things. And remember, you're sick, remember, your body's not the same anymore. You know, I was at a concert, over the weekend at the beach with my husband, and it was awesome. And it was Van Halen, and they were playing on the beach. And I'm in my flip flops, and we're all there and staying there with my family and some friends. And I'm not jumping, they're playing the Van Halen song jump. But I'm kind of like bouncing in by flip flops. And all of a sudden, I feel my husband put his finger like through the back of the my pants belt loop and hold me down. And I look at him and I said, What are you doing? And he says, don't jump, because he's afraid I'm gonna hurt my spine or my hip, and I didn't look at it, I

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kicked your hand off of me. I'm not jumping, I'm just bouncing and I'm fine. Right? So people around us also like they hold us in that sick world. They have a lot of fear, too, because they love us. And so we have to become really aware of where actions thoughts and behaviors in our world are keeping us stuck in a world we don't want to be in and keeping us from moving towards this amazing future version of ourselves. Now, that awareness is the first step catching your brain when it's offering these things right. There was something in me it was like a splinter. I felt like something was pulling me but I couldn't really figure out what it was. And which is another reason why I love coaching so much and as I talk through it, I went Ah, there it is. There is that thread. There is that thing of this old mentality this conditioned thinking of this sickness. And that's what sickness is supposed to look like, keeping me from moving completely into the world of health and healing. And I may move into that world of health and healing with bones that are compromised, that I have to be more protective of. And I get that I will do that I'm not saying we're gonna have this miraculous healing and have cartilage that the same bounciness was when we were 25. But I will look at that differently. And I will deal with those limitations differently in a different way, than if I'm looking at them through that lens of sickness and being stuck in that other world. I will look at them differently if I don't look at them as these benefit me. But I will see how can I work around them and still support my health and my safety, and be fully engaged in the world I want to move into. So it's gaining that first bit of awareness, that awareness and understanding of when our brain is offering us that, hey, hey, hey, you can do that your brain fog, you might want to reconsider that because you might get cancer again. And we recognize and acknowledge that little voice. And then we choose to show up as the fully engaged person we want to be anyway. It's a practice, definitely a practice. But the first step at that practice is really looking at those questions. How do I participate in my own illness? Which I'd like to flip up and say, How do I participate in my healing? How am I participating in supporting my Optimum wellness every day? And then how does illness serve me? Which can be a really tough question to ask yourself super tough. I know, it's tough for me. But really digging into that in the tiniest little area. How does it serve me? How do I use it sometimes to benefit myself? And when I do that, how does it keep me stuck in a world that I don't want to be a part of? How does it keep me from being the fullest happiest version of myself? Friends, I hope that helps you. And if you have questions, if you have feedback, come and join me in the breast cancer recovery group. It is my free Facebook group, you can just go to Facebook and search it out. Or go to my website and download my free video series the four pillars of breast cancer recovery, and understand and learn about that framework that I use of release, renew, regroup, revive, and obviously you can see are in here from this episode that this is a big part of release and looking at the thoughts that keep you stuck so that you can reframe them, let them go and take another step forward in the life you really want to live. Alright, I hope that helps you. And I look forward to talking to you again next week. And until then, Please be good to yourself and expect other people to be good to you as well. Take care

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courage to the test laid all your doubts. Your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting more your futures given you know you've been waiting on