#406 The Surprising Truth About Behavior Change After Breast Cancer
Episode Overview
In this episode of Better Than Before Breast Cancer, Laura Lummer dives into the real—and often overlooked—challenges of making and maintaining lifestyle changes after a breast cancer diagnosis. Starting with a powerful quote from Lao Tzu, “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading,” Laura reflects on the emotional weight, conditioned beliefs, and survival instincts that make behavior change both essential and incredibly difficult.
Whether you’ve felt stuck in old habits or overwhelmed by the pressure to be “perfectly healthy,” this episode offers a refreshing and compassionate perspective. Laura shares scientific research, personal stories, and practical strategies to help you make lasting, loving changes that align with your true values—not fear.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
- Why trauma and resistance often block behavior change after breast cancer
- How conditioned thinking and emotional fatigue affect your motivation
- The two extremes: falling back into old habits or going “all in” out of fear
- The surprising science on why a diagnosis alone isn’t enough to change behavior
- How to set meaningful, manageable goals without stress or shame
- The importance of self-compassion and social support in sustainable change
- How fear-based “health perfectionism” may actually harm your peace
Powerful Quotes:
💬 “We’re more defined by what we do consistently than by being perfect.”
💬 “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.” – Lao Tzu
💬 “Self-compassion may buffer against self-criticism and promote resilience in the face of setbacks.” – Health Psychology Journal
Mentioned Research:
Resources & Support:
👉 Ready to make changes that feel aligned, intuitive, and supportive? Explore personalized coaching, life-changing lessons, and a powerful community of breast cancer survivors inside the Better Than Before Breast Cancer Life Coaching Membership.
👉 Grab a free download, meal plan, or join the waitlist for metabolic health coaching at thebreastcancerrecoverycoach.com
Listen Now on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your favorite shows.
Don't forget to rate, review, and share with a fellow survivor who might need this loving reminder today.
Read the full transcript:
0:00
You're listening to better than before breast cancer with the breast cancer recovery coach, I'm your host, Laura Lummer. I'm a certified life coach, and I'm a breast cancer thriver. In this podcast, I will give you the skills on the insides and the tools to move past the emotional and physical trauma of a breast cancer diagnosis if you're looking for a way to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer, you've come to the right place. Let's get started.
0:33
Hey friends, you're listening to Episode 406 of better than before breast cancer with me. Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach, and gosh, today, you know, it's the funniest thing. Sometimes I'll see something or I'll hear a quote, and it just touches me so profoundly that it inspires an entire podcast episode. And that's what happened the other day. I was on a call, and I love it when I'm in the metabolic train Institute network, and we have our group calls. And Dr Naisha likes to start off these calls with a quote. So she shares this quote, and she says, If you do not change direction, you may end up where you're heading by Lao Tzu, which is, he's an ancient, you know, philosopher. And when she said that, I thought, You know what? That's a really powerful quote, and to me, it speaks to the heart of what a lot of us face after, not just after a breast cancer diagnosis, but, you know, I kind of think when we go through a breast cancer diagnosis, we're in survival mode for the most part as we're going through treatment. So this speaks really powerful to me, to when we get past our treatments and we're looking at our life and we say, now what now? What do I want from myself? And we realize that maybe the direction we've been heading in isn't something that serves us. Maybe we've been headed in that direction. Well, not maybe we've been headed in that direction out of habits, maybe out of necessity, definitely because of conditioned belief systems. But something in us says something about this needs to shift. But how? How do we change direction in any part of our life. That's the really hard part, especially when we carry this emotional weight of trauma, whatever that trauma is, not just breast cancer, but even before that, then we have the fatigue of the treatment that we've been through and the fear and then the pressure of all the shoulds and all the needs tos, need tos, from what we hear outside of us to what we tell ourselves. So things we tell ourselves, I should eat better. I need to exercise more. I want to feel like myself again. I hate my job. I want to change my relationship, like change it up and make it better and improve relationships with different people. But then when we go to try to take consistent action on those thoughts, it can feel overwhelming and almost insurmountable, like a lot of resistance comes up from our own brain and from people around us, and that resistance is very real and very common, much more common, I bet, than you think. And I know, just from my own journey of coaching people for what's it been the last eight years that it's opened my eyes so much to things that I thought were isolated to just me, right? This is the way I think, or what's wrong with me, or why do I think like this? Or why can't I do this? And wow, that self judgment is completely gone, because I've coached so many people that I now look at resistance when it comes up in my brain and I say, Okay, this is normal. Everybody goes through this. This is how the human brain works, but this part of me, my consciousness, is aware of it and observing it and to making the conscious decision to create something else. Because even though my brain is resisting and even though my brain is conditioned and neurologically wired to think one way, my consciousness is saying, No, I want something else. And this reminds me of another quote by Lawrence LaShawn, who was also a very prolific writer and self help kind of Guru, even from the 1970s and he wrote some great books on overcoming our thoughts and on healing, especially with respect to cancer. And one of the things that he said is that getting cancer can become the beginning of living and the search for one's own being, the discovery of the life one needs to live can be one of the strongest weapons against. It's disease. I think that's a pretty cool statement, and yet it's tough right? Becoming aware of discovering how we want to live and then following through with the behavior change that is required is challenging because we're rewiring our brain. And you know, most of us get cancer later in life. It's getting earlier and earlier, which is horribly unfortunate and tragic, but most of us are in the late 40s, the mid 50s. It used to be the late 50s. So we've been conditioned to think one way for a really long time. And we've been conditioned to think that if we want to change from what the general thought is, then maybe something's wrong with us, or maybe we're the ones being selfish, or who knows, whatever our story is, that it's not right to want more or want different or anything, whatever your story is. There's a million of them out there. So I want to talk today about the very real challenge of making and sustaining behavior change, and I want to share with you what the research says about why we fall back into old habits even when we know better, and how We can make change feel not only doable, but loving and nurturing. Now, I remember after my first diagnosis and I finished treatment. During treatment, I didn't know all the things that I know now, so during treatment, I did only what my oncologist told me, and a lot of things that they told me were just, you know, don't take any supplements. Don't take any antioxidants, don't do anything herbal. And I was very afraid, so I didn't know anything different at that time. And so it was after I completed treatment that I became very diligent about eating what I thought were the perfect foods, getting in the right supplements, focusing on detox and just being very, very diligent about doing. And we hear this so so many times, quote, unquote, all the things, doing, all the things. But as months passed and years passed and treatment ended in life moved on, and I created new things, you know, and my life took a different direction. We start to feel safe, right? And I realized that that initial motivation really came from fear, and then you start to feel safe. And even though I always cared very deeply about my health, and there were still a lot of things I didn't know yet, life just kept happening. And so as life happens and you don't get sick again, slowly, your brain kind of says you can get away with this, and you can get away with that, and you can start slipping back into old habits. And as I said, there's research that backs this up. So there was a study published in cancer medicine, and it found that while many survivors reported changing their diets after their diagnosis, fewer, far fewer of them were able to maintain those changes long term, and only 32% of survivors that were included in this study, increased their physical activity after diagnosis, even though over half reported they had intentions to do so. Then there was another review in the British Journal of Cancer, and this review pointed out that there was little evidence that a cancer diagnosis alone motivates long term health protective behavior change and support for implementing and maintaining these behaviors is critical. So I think that's an important study to point out, because so often people shame themselves because they think I should want to change. I got this diagnosis, this diagnosis, and I should want to change, and then they feel really bad and guilty and judge themselves for that. So I wanted to share that, because that isn't always enough motivation to change just a diagnosis, right? We've got to look at our behavior patterns. In fact, I think more often than not, I see people who get a diagnosis and their thoughts go to, the first thing they go to is, I shouldn't have to do more. I'm already going through enough. And we look at, they look at often behavior change as discipline or restriction, and don't have anything to do with it. Okay? So there's the one side where we can be very focused and want to change, and then time goes by and we slip back. And then there's also another side to behavior change, which is, instead of resisting, people swing to the other extreme and try to overhaul everything at once. And. And this behavior change is the kind that is not driven by inspiration or motivation or purpose, but it's driven by fear. And so while it might feel productive at first, it's a kind of an all or nothing behavior, an all or nothing thinking, and it actually creates more stress and not less. And I see this a lot. People want the perfect meal plan, rigid schedules, rigid supplement schedules, intense detox regimens, just because they've heard it reduces cancer and they're not really thinking about what it does for them. And they do all these things because they're afraid and they want to stay safe, but it is the stress and the fear. It's kind of like being dangled over a pool of lava and saying, How can I get this rope stronger so I don't fall in right? And so when we pile on that kind of pressure to be perfect, we actually create the very environment that we're trying to avoid. In fact, there was a study published in psycho oncology, and it found that higher levels of cancer related fear were associated with maladaptive coping strategies, including extreme health behaviors that led to increased emotional distress. Really important stuff. There was another study in health psychology open, and it showed that while health focused, behavior change is generally positive when it's driven by anxiety or fear of recurrence, it can lead to what's called over vigilant health behaviors where the stress of maintaining the routine outweighs the benefits. So yes, change is powerful, but not when it comes at the cost of your peace. So let's talk about how we can gently shift direction in ways that don't overwhelm you, especially if you already feel depleted, right? And a lot of times, once we come out of cancer treatment, or, you know, we we're kind of motivated towards change, sometimes because we feel depleted, because we don't like the way we feel, and we want more energy. We want to feel different. So let's talk about some gentle but very powerful ways to create behavior change and lifestyle change. So I like to start with a lot of self exploration, really asking yourself, what do I actually want my days to feel like? Right? I We I explore this a lot with my members and with my clients. How do you want to feel when you wake up? You know, do you want to feel like you have to be disciplined? Do you want to feel like you have to be regimented? How do you want to feel maybe you want to have more energy to play with your kids or your grandkids or just enjoy your spouse or your friends or go out and travel and have fun. Maybe you want to wake up without pain or move through your day with more peace and less worry? Do you want to feel calm when we can connect to these values? Right to your habits? When we connect our habits to our values, not just to our diagnosis, they become more meaningful, and then when they become more meaningful, we're more likely to follow through with them. So what habits do you want to create that align with your values and with the desire for how you want to experience your life? Then we need to start with small things. There's no need for a full lifestyle overhaul for the most part, some people, it depends if they they are looking for help, because they have a urgent diagnosis and a very advanced diagnosis. You know, when I was first diagnosed with advanced stage four metastasis, I thought, dang, I need to make whatever changes necessary and fast, because I am not in a good place, right? It was very advanced cancer, collapsed lung fluid around my heart. I mean, there was a lot going on. So sometimes we are in a position where we have to accept, I need to buckle down and fast and figure this out. But if we're not in that sense of urgency, let's say that you're released from treatment, or you're going through treatment, and you have, you know, stage one, stage two, decis and not that that's not serious. Please do not think that's what I'm saying. But I'm saying those are not as urgent diagnosis as a widespread metastatic because that's what will kill you, right? We have a lot more time to invest in healing if the diagnosis isn't so advanced that it's actually at a terminal stage. So when we're in that situation, it's easier for us and highly recommended. To start with one step so you finish treatment, they're like, Hey, you're cancer free. Let's start looking at what you can handle, right? There was a study that looked at survivors exercise behaviors, and it found that consistency came more from daily routines and self identified goals than external pressure. So think things like, I want to walk around the block every morning, rather than I gotta get to the gym five days a week, because maybe that walk helps you connect to nature, gives you joy, and it works with your schedule so you're not stressed out. Because maybe you can walk each morning, maybe you can do it three mornings a week. Okay? And then we need to build support into your life. So you you decide on these little changes that align with your values, that are doable for you, and work with your lifestyle. And then we've got to find support, because, remember, we've been conditioned for a long time to think and act one way. So if you haven't already established these healthy behavior patterns, we need to put in a lot of constant supportive input from people around us, from information, from podcasts, from books, social support, lots of positive input. That's what's going to help us to sustain these behaviors. So there was a some research done at the International Journal of behavior, nutrition and physical activity, and they found that social support was a key factor in sustained behavior change. And so invite a friend to go for walks, join a group that shares your health goals. I love, I love and hate at the same time. This new way that my gym and the yoga studios that I go to have kind of set up their classes so you can't cancel at the last minute, or you get a fee. And no one wants to pay a 10 or $15 fee for something they're not showing up for. So there's a little bit of accountability built right into that. So you schedule a class and maybe you have to cancel by five o'clock the night before, or 12 hours ahead. I think my gym is 12 hours ahead, and if you don't do that, you're gonna get nailed. So that kind of sucks. I mean, nobody likes to pay that fee, but it is a built in piece of accountability. So all these different ways in which we can find support for these long term health behaviors can only help us so we just don't slip back into old behaviors, which are so easy to do. So let's talk about, then how you connect to why it matters to you. So we talked about aligning your habits with your values, and the more you understand why this is important for you, and the more you have a really purposeful why in whatever change, whether it's diet or exercise or work or relationships, why the change you seek is important for you that makes the how you have to go through it easier. So let's come back to the thinking about how you want to feel. Then we also want to think about, why is this meaningful for me? Why do I want deeper connections in my relationships? Why do I need to let go of people who are not supportive in my world? Why do I want to wake up and go to a job that is fulfilling and joyful for me every day? Why did I decide that this work that I'm doing isn't why do I want to add more vegetables in? Why do I want to move my body more why do I need to carve out time for meditation and breath work every day? What will it mean for me? How will it help me to feel these questions are so much better than what's the right diet? Should I eat carbs or not? Right? Should I be a plant based, plant forward, vegetarian, vegan, all of that stuff. Right? More importantly, let's tune into yourself first, and as you take these little steps towards the change you want to create, embrace the fact that you're only human and that setbacks are bound to happen. They will happen. There's a 100%
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chance that setbacks will happen, but falling off the plan does not mean you failed, and we must address that thought process, because if that's the thought process you've had your whole life, let's go back to the beginning, where I gave you that quote that said, if you do not change direction, you may end up where you're heading. And this is why, when I'm working with people, I always ask them, what's this future version of yourself? Who is the person you want to become? And how do we begin to coach ourselves from that person, right? How do we begin to ask. Advice from that person instead of the person we've always been, because if we keep going back to thinking the way we've always thought, then we're going to keep ending up right where we're at. Alright? So it's really important that we don't tell ourselves things that are very unrealistic, like I'm an all or nothing person, so I can't do that. I'm a perfectionist, so I just don't start if I can't finish it, all right? And I like to offer this thought too, if you are all or nothing person, or you want to call yourself a perfectionist, both concepts of which are non existent, right? So first of all, let's question, why am I even allowing that thought that such bullshit no one's perfect. There's no such thing as perfection. Is literally a false idea that your brain is throwing out there. Do you want to buy into it? And if it helps you to buy into it, if it helps you to believe you're an all or nothing person? What if you could be all in on one small thing until it becomes a part of your lifestyle and feels natural. How about that? How about we don't have to tell ourself it's gotta be all the things all the time, every day. But I'm all in on making this one change, and I'm all in on just understanding it as I go, so that when the wedding comes up and you want to have champagne and a piece of wedding cake at your niece's wedding, or your sister or your daughter, you do it, and you do it with joy, and then the next day, you don't go back and say, Well, let me eat the next three tiers. Since I had one piece, right? There was a study in health psychology that emphasized the importance of self compassion for long term behavior change, and it noted that self compassion can buffer against self criticism and promote resilience in the face of setbacks. Why is that? Because when we're being compassionate with ourselves. We're not judging ourselves. We're saying, Yes, I did this because it brought joy to my life, and now because feeling good and having energy also brings joy to my life, I'm going right back on the plan that eliminates gluten, sugar, alcohol, whatever it is that you want out of your life, right? But you got to do it from a sense of compassion, not self flagellation, like we've got to let go of hurting ourselves in the belief or the idea that that's going to make us healthier. So let's just take a moment right now and think one small habit that you'd like to commit to this week. It's like something great that you want to adopt for yourself, like saying what you think when you think it right, adding in another cup of veggies, going for a 30 minute walk three times a week. What's just one thing? Drinking more water, increasing your water by two or three cups a day, stretching before you go to bed, setting your phone aside and not looking at it first thing in the morning, giving yourself an hour of no phone or turning it off for one hour before you go to bed. Right? It doesn't have to be huge to be meaningful, but if you can commit to supporting yourself from a place of love and believing and attaching like this is why this will mean something for me. This sounds like it might bring me more peace. This sounds like maybe my brain will calm down if I shut off my electronics for an hour and just read an old fashioned book with my eyeballs. This might change the way you feel and might change the quality of your sleep. Why not try it? Could you be all in and saying I'm going to try this for three weeks. Being all in doesn't necessarily mean I'm committing to do this forever, right? But check it out and see if it works for your life. The path to a life that feels better than before breast cancer, and that is better than before breast cancer does not require perfection, right? I just shared a little bit of my story with you a minute ago as someone who, four and a half years ago, was diagnosed with widespread metastatic disease, I'm not perfect. I'm absolutely not perfect, but you know, we're more defined by what we do consistently and how we show up for ourselves. And so I would say, 90% of the time, I follow the plan that I've set out that I believe will support my healing, right? But I also live my life, and I'm also only human, and sometimes when I'm at a fantastic restaurant, I take a bite of the dessert, right? So what a life that's better than before breast cancer requires is that you keep choosing yourself, that you choose you not other people's thoughts, not what life should be, not what you think it's supposed to be, but you choose what serves you and brings you happiness and joy, and you do it one small choice at a time. Check it out, see if it works. For you, and if it doesn't, you can let it go. But the important thing to remember is that if you do not begin to change direction, you will end up exactly where you're headed or where you always have been. Now, if that's fine with you, awesome, go with it, but if you want a little something different, then it's okay to take that one step at a time. If you need help with that, you absolutely do not have to do that alone. You can come to my website, the breast cancer recovery coach, and you could choose a program that works for you, whether it's one on one coaching or my incredible better than before, breast cancer life coaching membership with year, literally everything I've ever created so years worth of valuable lessons and content and coaching and courses and anything that speaks to you, plus, of course, live interaction with me and amazing women that are in that group. And it's all about building a life we love that's such an important thing. It has. It's called better than before breast cancer. But it's not about cancer. It's about joy and loving your life and loving yourself and building a life that you love. Okay, so other programs there, my metabolic health coaching programs, really understanding your body, learning to speak the language of your body, learning to understand the signals your body is sharing with you and telling you so that, again, you can support yourself in creating the healthiest possible lifestyle from a place of love and compassion and intuitiveness, because again, you are the expert on yourself. It's your life. I don't know more about somebody's life than they do, right? And that's an important thing to remember. So if you're looking for that kind of support, go to the breast cancer recovery coach.com and find a place where you're ready to start, whether it's with one of my meal plans, one of my free downloads or jumping right into coaching or life coaching membership, there's something there for everybody. Alright, my friend, take care of yourself and talk to you again next week,
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you've put your courage to the test, laid all your doubts to rest. Your mind is clearer than before, your heart is full and wanting more. Your Future's at the door. Give it all you got
