I talk a big talk about self-care which is way more than a bubble bath and a facial. 

I also say everything is exactly as it should be and that when we can make peace with that, we create peace in ourselves. 

Those two things came together in a big way for me today as I focus on healing from covid and come to terms with the facts that I have no voice, and I have no energy to create and produce a podcast. 

So, I reached out to my support system for help.  

I wrote something to explain why there would be no podcast today, but when I reached out to my sister to ask for her help in recording my message, I was inspired by a better idea…why not let her run with the podcast today? 

I thought that as a part of my 11-year survivorship celebration, it would be good to hear the perspective of a loved one who’s seen me go through two diagnoses and now watches me live with cancer. 

I think Kristie’s perspective will be insightful for you to hear and inspiring and compassionate for your loved ones to listen to. 

We’re all in this together and the more we can allow ourselves to connect and drop all the shields, the fuller our lives become. 

Listen and enjoy this beautiful perspective on living your life while loving someone who had or has cancer. 

Read the Full Transcript Here:

Laura Lummer  00:00

You're listening to the Breast Cancer Recovery Coach Podcast. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. I'm a Certified Life health and nutrition coach, and I'm also a breast cancer thriver. If you're trying to figure out how to move past the trauma and the emotional toll of breast cancer, you've come to the right place. In this podcast, I will give you the tools and the insights to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer. Well, let's get started.

Kristie Wood  00:33

Hello, and welcome to episode 199 of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I am not your host, Laura Lummer. As you may have noticed, I'm her sister Kristy, Wood. Laura is working on healing from COVID and has pretty much no voice at this point. She wanted me to reassure you all that she is steadily improving, and there's no need for worry or panic. But all healing thoughts are welcome. When Laura realized that she did not have the energy or the voice to do this podcast, she asked me if I could record an intro for her and then play an episode from a past podcast. And of course, I was like, of course I'll do it for you. No problem. I mean, you're just going to play a past podcast, right? Well, Laura had a different idea, like always as sisters, like, swoop you in to tell you one thing, and then something else happens. So since this month is all about celebrating Laura's 11 year survival anniversary, and the 200th episode of her podcast and everything that means for her, the people she works with and the lives the show touches, she asked me to do this episode for her and share my thoughts on what it's like to be the sister, or the loved one of someone who has had cancer as part of their life for 11 years. I'll start off by reading you a note that Laura wrote, and then I'm going to give my first ever loan podcast a shot, which I cannot believe she roped me into this. But I am honored to this for her. This is Laura's note. In the last 11 years, I've learned something deep in my core. It goes way past being a cliche, everything works out. This week, I was not feeling well. So I cancelled just about every appointment and tasks on my calendar. So I would have the energy to show up for two things that were very important to me. Thank God, most of my appointments were virtual. But as my symptoms worsened, and using my voice became painful, I turned to another valuable lesson practice self care without judgment or shame. I knew I was in no mental or vocal shape to produce a podcast. So I reached out to my sister Kristie, who I know is always up for support and always up for a challenge. It might not be a challenge, it might just be that I don't think things through. When I did that, I realized there's more going on here and my inability, inability to record a podcast this week is an opportunity for you all to hear a different perspective. As I celebrate 11 years of life since my first diagnosis, I also celebrate the people who have been there for me every step of the way. The people I want to live for and live with because none of us go through cancer alone. None of us go through life alone. And who would want to. It's often the people that drive our will to go through the physical and emotional challenges that come with cancer. So I offered Kristie a guest spot and she said whatever I can do, just like I knew she would additionally this is an opportunity for me to trust. When she finishes reading the note, I'm typing, it's all the Kristie show and I filled no need to control or edit that. I think she's doing the show today because she's supposed to be doing the show today. And someone needs to hear what she has to share. So I'm going back to my cup of throat coat tea and my cozy bed. Where all practice self care without worrying about anything, or feeling guilty about what I wasn't up to doing. And I look forward to hearing episode 199 with my awesome sister Kristy Wood, enjoy. Wow. Okay, so she gives me a lot of credit.

Kristie Wood  04:24

And so for those of you that don't know me, I have been on Laura's podcast a couple of times. My name is Kristy Wood. And I'm Laura's youngest sister, there's five girls in the family. I'm the baby and the one you know that's not supposed to know everything. But everybody comes to me and I know everything. So that's a whole nother frickin podcast. But I'm very honored that Laura asked me to do this and I'm gonna be really upfront with you. I've been working all day. I know that she wasn't feeling well. I didn't know that she had COVID Until a few hours ago and I was working And she was texting me, Hey, would you record an opening? And I'm like, Yeah, sure, whatever, whatever you need. I'll do it. I'll do it. I don't care. I'll do it. And then I worked all day, and finally sat down and had a chance to look at what she wanted me to do. And I'm like, oh my god, she wants me to do her podcast for her. Not only did she want me to her podcast, but I know how important it is for her to have her 200th episode like that is huge for her. So for me to get to do the episode right before that celebration of her 200th episode. Very honored, very honored. And let me just start by saying, I'm just so proud of Laura, and what she has done and how many women she has helped. And I don't know if she realizes how much she does for other women, other men, other even people who have not been through cancer, I just say, Please listen to my sisters podcast. It's amazing. You're gonna get so much from it. So Laura, thank you, because I know you will be listening to this and editing it. But, um, let me start by saying, let me get our guests let me get back to what Laura wants me to share. Right? She wants me to share what it's like to be the loved one of someone who has cancer. So unfortunately, I've been through this twice. First with my brother. He passed away when I was 21. From testicular cancer, he was 32. He was the oldest, I was the youngest. And being that age, oh, wow, it's been so long, and I still get emotional about it. Um, being that age that I was, I was very, I say, young and dumb, just because I didn't have the life experience that I have now. And I thought that he was just so old. Well, at least he's 32. I mean, he's lived a very full life. I mean, come on. Now, I'm 50. I know that he wasn't old at all, I know that he was so young. I would say what it's like to be loved on somebody who has cancer, I would say the first emotion that comes up is fear. And, and you're scared, because you hear the word cancer, and you think the worst. And, you know, we did lose our brother to his cancer, but there were a lot of factors that, that he didn't maybe take care of himself, or there was a lot of things that he saw, and he ignored and he didn't take care of himself as he should have. So whatever happened, it happened. And it's very scary. And you want to just when you hear those words, you want to just take care of that person, right? You want to just be like, Oh my god, I got you, whatever you need, whatever you need. There's a lot of fear that comes along with it, for sure. Definitely a lot of fear. And I do remember the first time that Laura called me, I remember I was sitting on a beach and I was just watching the ocean. And Laura called me and I really honestly didn't know that anything was going on with her physically. And she called and told me that she had breast cancer. And I was like, Wow, here we go again. Here we go again. And all those feelings, all those emotions came up again, you know what we had gone through with my brother. But I will say for Laura, like, she has handled it so different. And she was so I don't know what the word is like, she just handled it. So, so strong and not, I will say the first time around, it was more like we're beating this or kicking its ass. We're gonna do everything we can. You're a warrior, you're a warrior. And she really was a warrior. But she never complained. And she never. She just dealt with it. And whatever came her way she dealt with it. And at this time, she had left a marriage, that wasn't healthy. She was on her own. Her kids were still young. And

Kristie Wood  09:22

it really changed a lot for us and our family too, in a good way. I mean, we started our taco nights, once a month. I mean, we decided it's really sad that it took for a second sibling in our family, to have cancer for us to decide that we're gonna get together once a month and just enjoy each other's company. But that is what happened and you know, those taco nights came out of that. But just to watch her go through what she went through, and how well she handled everything. It made me feel so calm, even know some days, it's really scary, you know, what are the results? What are your tests look like? What does this look like, you know, and all you want to do is support her and just be the strongest person that you can be for her. And I remember to like, you know, Laura's all about glitter and shiny. And you know, she'll, if she has glittery shoes on, she'll run into a wall because she's gonna stare at her shoes the whole time. And I just remember, like getting online, and if I saw something that was glittery or cute, I bought it for her. And I sent it to her while she was going through chemo. And I was at every chemo session with her and I watched what she went through, I remember her shaving her head, I remember being at one of her chemo treatments after she had shaved her head, because she didn't want to just have it start falling out. And we went out to lunch after and I remember just these little tiny pieces of hair falling under her shoulder and us both looking at each other like, shit. It's real. This is happening again, you know. And it's scary. But I guess what I want to get back to is, you know, those things that I bought for her those things that I just popped in the mail to make her feel better? Like, why do we wait so long? Why do we wait till somebody's in that shape, or that condition? Or has this diagnosis before we just say, before we think of them first, you know, I think we just all get so caught up in our lives, I'm gonna get so caught up in day to day and I have this deadline to meet and my kids need me here and my husband needs me here. And so and so needs me here. And we don't think of those little things that means so much. And that just keeps people going at all times. And so, of course, when you have a cancer diagnosis, it ups you know, hey, life is short. But like Laura will say, and all of my friends will say my thought process in life. And this is my motto is Life is short. And today is all we have. And I tell Laura, this I tell anybody who's diagnosed with cancer. Hey, just because you have cancer, there's no guarantee that I'm going to outlive you. I absolutely have no idea what tomorrow brings? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if I'll make it through tonight. No, there's no guarantee. So I literally try to live every day. As if it were my last because, you know, we just don't know. And it's something that I think a lot of us really take for granted. And it makes me sad that sometimes it takes us to hear you know, I have this disease, maybe it's cancer, maybe it's something else or, or you know, maybe it's a divorce or whatever it is losing somebody you know, in life that makes us wake up. And I think that we need to wake up and live more day by day. And you know, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2019. And I was very fortunate, I only had to have a hysterectomy. I didn't have to go through chemo or radiation. But hearing those words are really scary. And you know, all those things that I have said for my whole life, like Life is short. Hey, you never know, you never know. Those all came up for me too. You know, and so I just, I feel like it's something that we need to keep in the forefront of living in today. If you're the one that is helping somebody or supporting somebody that's going through this disease and walking through it.

Kristie Wood  13:51

And, and also to not living day by day, but like acknowledging to the person who's going through it like don't just, I'm sorry, I don't know if I'm allowed to cuss on here or not, but I cuss a lot. Like don't just say like you're a fighter, you're gonna beat this, everything's gonna be great. How about like, when your sister or your loved one, your husband or your wife? If they're having a bad day say, Fuck, today sucks. Today sucks. Today is hard. This is really hard. But you know what, I'm here for you. I got you. What do you need? You know, let me help you get to that next step and acknowledge it. Because I think for the people that are sick and that are fighting this disease, they feel like they have to be so strong for us. But I feel I don't feel that either one of us need to be strong for each other. We just need to acknowledge what we're going through. And the person that is fighting the disease is going through so much but the person that's watching that person is going through so much too. There's a lot of fear a lot of what ifs. And I guess my message would be like, let's just try to stay in the moment. And let's try to stay in today. Because none of us, none of us know what tomorrow is going to bring. So let's just really try to stay in the moment. And if today is a hard day, okay, it sucks, but we're gonna get through it, we're gonna get through today, and tomorrow is going to be better. And we just have to keep believing that and we have to keep supporting, and believing. And, you know, watching Laura be diagnosed initially, and then being diagnosed the second time. The second time, she's approaching it so differently, she's approaching it with this healing aspect, which is so like, refreshing, and such a different way, instead of like, I'm gonna beat it, I'm gonna knock it out, I've got this. It's like, you know what, this is part of my life, and I'm going to deal with it. And I'm being really real about where I am. And I'm very real about the medications that I have to take every day. And the struggle that I have to go through and I will say, I see her a lot. I talk to her almost every day, we get together a lot as family, we get together one on one, we get together every Wednesday for our wine night, we meet with girlfriends. And Laura. She's living her life. She's living her life for today and for why she's here. And it's so beautiful to see that. And she wants to travel this world and I am huge on traveling. And I have a job that has gone virtual through COVID. And I can travel and I'm all about it. So you know what I don't look at my sister and think she has stage four metastatic cancer, oh my gosh, I would love to invite her but I can't, I invite her everywhere. And you know what she goes, because all she has is today, and we're doing it and we're living and she's healing. It's not about what she has. It's about her healing every single day. And her healing thoughts and her her positive energy. And that feeds me, it teaches me how to just keep going every day, and how to not just stay. Hmm, life is so hard. This is so stressful. This is so hard. It is very hard. Life is hard. It's hard for all of us, we all have our struggles, no matter what it is, it's with a child, which every single Lummer Sister, we all have one, maybe two, whatever, we all have a child, that's been hard for us, you know. So maybe that's a struggle. Maybe it's work, maybe whatever it is, but I can always look back and watch what she's going through and how she handles it with so much grace, and never complains and just lives every day. And every day. And it just makes me so appreciative of it. And it gives me comfort. And it helps me it just it helps me to feel so comfortable with her and really live for today. And to stop living in fear because I don't live in fear. And

Kristie Wood  18:23

you know, it's scary. And I think you hear these words, and are matte or automatic is just it's scary. I can't do this. Oh my God, why did this happen to me? I don't know. You're never going to know why it happened to you. There's no answer. There's absolutely no answer. It's just this is part of it. Do the best that you can do your research, figure it out. And if you're the one who's going through it, do the best that you can to keep your head up. If you're the person that's supporting that person, do everything you can to keep your head up too. Be that person that is supporting and loving and kind and don't live in fear. Like you cannot live in fear. We've all done it for so long. And it's easy to say but it's hard to do. I mean, believe me, there's days where I think about what I've been through and you know, losing my brother and I don't ever want to have that experience ever again. But I don't know that I'll ever have that experience ever again. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. And for me, I just need to live in the moment. And I pray that most others can live in the moment and just hear the message of like today is all we have because that literally is all we have. And I just the living in fear doesn't get us anywhere. It just keeps us stagnant and stagnant. So as I'm saying this, this absolutely has nothing to do what I'm talking about, but my sister will understand this. There's I am a court reporter. And there's this next level that I have to take in my career and I just literally have to make a phone call, make something happen. And I have been living in fear because I am afraid to do it. And you know what? Because I just did this podcast on my own, absolutely never knowing how to do a podcast and Laura walked me through the steps on how to get on here how to do it feeling like crap. You know, tomorrow, I will take the step that I have been putting off for forever. And I will make that next step for my career to get me to that next level. And when Laura said, there's a reason that I need to do this podcast that maybe somebody needs to hear a message, maybe that was the message for me, right? Stop being so afraid. Like, when I woke up this morning, I did not think I would be doing a podcast, I was like, I had my plans for the day, right? I have everything lined up. Well, guess what, nothing really ever works out the way that we have it lined up. And there's always a wrench in it, especially for me. There's lots of wrenches that get thrown in my day. But I've just learned that I need to live for this moment and enjoy it. And I think that's the message that I want to get across today is just be in the moment, no matter where you are in your life. It's where you're supposed to be. It's really where you're supposed to be. And there is a lesson to be learned from it. I don't know what it is. Maybe you don't know what it is, but you will you will figure it out, you will figure it out. And I think we can all look back on our lives and think like, I thought that was so hard. Oh my god, I can't believe I lived through that. But if you think about what you live through, and you think about what you learn from it, it takes you to a better place for me. It builds my strength, it builds my confidence. And I never thought I could be at the place I am in my life that I am today. And I credit that to a lot of self help, a lot of podcast, a lot of talks with Laura, a lot of coaching if I wanted or not. Even though she's not supposed to like you know, coach me, but she's amazing. And I'm proud to be her sister. And I'm proud to walk with her. And I'm honored that she asked me to do this podcast for her. So thank you. Thank you, Laura. And thank you everybody for listening and I hope that you all got something out of this podcast and I look forward and I am so excited to hear episode 200 from my sister, Laura Lummer. Thank you and have a wonderful day.