When I first began to realize the power of storytelling, I was reading the book, “Talk like TED”. 

The book focused on some of the most powerful TED talks ever given and what made them so moving for so many people. 

Over and over, the author found that the story the speaker shared was the secret sauce. 

Now I hear people’s stories on a daily basis. 

I hear them tell stories of suffering and sadness. 

And I work to help them bring forth the story of resilience and empowerment that lays beneath the suffering. 

I know that when you become aware of the story you tell yourself and others about you, you begin to see the result that story creates…the life you’re living. 

In this episode, I’ll share a powerful experience I had listening to survivor stories and what it meant to me and to others in the room. 

I’ll tell you three of the most common stories I hear from my clients that keep them stuck and I’ll give you a simple tip to help you see your stories through a different lens that can change the path of whatever you decide on. 

Read the full transcript below:

Laura Lummer 0:00
You're listening to the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. I'm a Certified Life health and nutrition coach, and I'm also a breast cancer thriver. If you're trying to figure out how to move past the trauma and the emotional toll of breast cancer, you've come to the right place. In this podcast, I will give you the tools and the insights to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer. Well, let's get started.

Laura Lummer 0:33
Hello, hello, welcome to another episode of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. You're listening to Episode 194. And I'm so excited six more episodes to go before we hit the landmark 200. And I've got some stuff in the works. I'm working on to make sure that it's going to be a really special release because it's a really special milestone for me 200 episodes. And as I had shared, I think previously on the podcast remembering back to when I first started this podcast, or actually, even before that when I was just contemplating starting a podcast and I was had so much fear around what I was going to talk about, what if I run out of things to talk about? What if I start this? And how many things can you talk about? How can you I see podcasts that have episodes, you know, 400 500 600? And I think holy cow, what do you talk about. And so here we are coming up on the 200th episode, and God knows I have not run out of things to talk about. So I'm really looking forward to celebrating that with you. And keep listening, keep following keep subscribing to the show. So you don't miss any of the exciting things that are coming. Right. And you know, speaking of this, actually sharing that story with you leads kind of right into the topic for this week's show, which is all about telling your story. So I just shared a story with you about the fear I had on running out of things to talk about. But I could also share a story with you on how much my life and my business has changed and grown in the last 194 episodes of this podcast, how much change and evolution how much I've grown in the process of producing a weekly podcast in the connections in the reach that I've had with other survivors in doing this show. And so their stories coming from two very different perspectives, right, one of the fear and the other of accomplishment and inspiration. And I bring this up because I'm doing this show after I've just had a really very, very special experience. Last weekend, I was honored as a star and honoree for 2022 in a gala, which is a big fundraiser for the American Cancer Society and the Long Beach cancer league. And in doing this and being very, very honored to be a star to be an honoree for this wonderful event. I met other honorees, I was able to bring friends and family to this wonderful event where we listened to people speak about their cancer story. And in doing so obviously, they were geared towards helping to raise funds for not only cancer research, but support of patients and survivors as they're working through cancer. Something I noticed is the way the stories are told. So there was a lovely time where there was a video they shared each of the honorees had pre recorded a video, we did a video interview, and I had no idea what that was going to look like because it was edited. And they took little excerpts from everyone's interview. And the interviews were wonderful. I mean, they were really great to watch. And there was a lot of tears in the audience through many of them. And then there were a couple of the honorees that did a speech. And I noticed in the speeches, something that I thought was really powerful. You know, when you're at an event like that, the speakers are telling a story and the hope of the people who are organizing that is that the people who do speak inspire the people in the audience to give more to support the cause. And these speeches were, I mean, just so moving. One was mother and father who had lost their teenage son to leukemia. Another was a speech for this amazing 22 year old young man who's already been through three bouts of leukemia. And as they share their story, they talk did a lot about the pain. They talked a lot about the suffering. As I said, there were a lot of tears. I think at one point, there wasn't a dry eye in the place, because you could really feel their pain. And we know the incredible amount of loss and suffering that can come with a cancer diagnosis, and then definitely comes with the loss of someone to cancer. But as I listened to them tell their stories, I started thinking about how we choose to tell our story based on the reaction that we want to get. And as I said a second ago, the reaction that was desired from this audience was one of empathy and understanding, here's an audience that, for the most part, had been through cancer, or cancer treatment and didn't understand firsthand and maybe they had, maybe it had touched their lives in some way. But for the purposes of that fundraiser, was to touch their hearts, move their hearts and get them to donate razz it, the audience were, say, an audience full of cancer survivors are full of cancer patients, the story may have been told from a very different point of view, from the inspirational point of view, because there was a completely different side to that story. Not saying one is better or one is worse. But the point of this conversation is just to say, how do you tell your story? And are you conscious of the reaction that story is getting from the way it's told? Are you conscious of how you are impacted by the way you tell your story, and it doesn't just mean your cancer story. I'm talking about any story, the story of your health, the story of your relationship, the story of food, the story of moving your body, the story of your career, your future, your desires, your dreams, how do you tell that story, because we can choose to tell it from a place of initiating empathy and sympathy and maybe even some special treatment by others. Or we can choose to tell it from a place of empowerment, a place of transformation, a place of inspiration, the way we tell our story has a huge impact on the way we see ourselves in the way we believe in ourselves. And in whether or not we're living from a past focus, or a future focus. So I talk with my clients about this all the time. And they'll share something with me and I'll ask them, let's stop for a sec. And think about the way you just share that story. And I want to ask this of you, as you listen to this show today. Think about the way you tell your story, your story of life. Something that comes to mind, as I say that is social media accounts that I follow and then unfollow, because I will see them telling the story from such an incredibly dark place of suffering on a regular basis, that I just think, Wow, I can't really handle following these threads. Please don't think that I'm minimizing that suffering at all. I understand it, I've been there. It is a part of what we go through it is not fun. And sometimes you need to be heard. And sometimes you need to be understood. And you need space and gentleness and just a hug or a cuddle, I totally get that. And I'm not saying don't share your misery. But I'm saying after the fact, when all is said and done. And I coached this woman yesterday, she was having a really hard time she was in a huge emotional struggle. And she was sharing with me how all these horrible things had happened to her. We've known each other for a while we've coached for some time, so I was aware of this. But I'm also aware that the things that she was revisiting are things that she has overcome many, many months ago, sometimes longer than that, and overcome them in a way that's so incredible and so empowering and so magnificent. That it was interesting to see that at this point in her life. There was an incident that happened and her brain went right back to these horrible things have happened to me. Now, when we tell our story that way we put ourselves into suffering. Now I'd like to give you three examples of what I mean by that. And these three examples are three of the most common examples that I would say I coach other survivors on the first one of those examples is food. And I mentioned food a little while ago when I said how do you tell your story around food? Oftentimes? Well I think in general, we women struggle with food For the most part throughout our lives, I mean, that's why the dyeing industry is the billion dollar industry that it is no matter how good we look, we just don't think we look that good, right, which is a sad state. But let's talk about our relationship with food. Food, I think takes on a whole another layer of complication, when we have a diagnosis of breast cancer, because we start to look at food, not only as is it good or bad, will it make me gain weight? Will I not gain weight? But we also look at it from the perspective of Is this safe? Is this going to contribute to me getting cancer? So something that I hear often is the story of the power of food, it's the story that I don't have control over food, nothing works for me. Since I went into menopause, I cannot lose weight, I crave sugar all the time, there's nothing I can do about it. That's just the way it is. Now listen to that story. And think about your own story around food. It's really, really powerful thing. Sometimes I hear the story of, well, I'm just not willing to make that much change, or I like this food, and I just don't want to live with deprivation. And again, why do you tell yourself the story that eating well, and eating healthy and supporting your body with food has to include deprivation? Maybe it doesn't. Maybe eating? Well, maybe having a healthy relationship with food is completely under your control? And if you hear me say that, and you think nope, it isn't No, I can't get there from here. That's okay, too. Because you can take just the next step, which is, maybe there's a possibility

Laura Lummer 11:43
that I could have more control over food, maybe there's a possibility that I can make the choices I believe are healthier for me on a more consistent basis. Maybe that's a possibility. And he says shifting your story just that little bit, can add more hope, can add just a little bit of a light at the end of the tunnel. And that's the beautiful thing about stories, they shift. And they change. And what was a cancer story and his story all about suffering and infusions and sickness and sores in the mouth and all those things becomes a story of inspiration, of resilience, of grit, of reevaluating your life, and creating something that you want, rather than living the life you think is expected or doing what you believe everyone else thinks you should be doing. So that's the cool thing. You can always change your story, stories about food or big ones. And I suggest that you take a paper and pen, and you really sit down and write your story. Take a look at it. Look at the words that you use. Look at what you tell yourself all the time around food. And what do you see in that? Is it a story of hope? Or is it a story of hopelessness? Is it a story of fear? Or is it a story of possibilities? And another very powerful area? Is relationships? How do you tell the story of your relationships, your relationship with yourself, your relationship with those that are close to you. Oftentimes, I will hear the story told from this perspective. This will never change. They've always been like that. I'm not fulfilled. But there's no hope because we've been through this before I say one thing they say another thing, nothing ever changes. That's a story of hopelessness. But what if there was a possibility that if you change the way you show up, the relationship could shift? What if it doesn't take two people to make a relationship? What if it takes one person to begin showing up differently showing up in the way they want to be? And what I mean by that is by saying, I want a relationship that's open and close and loving and physically affectionate. That that's the person you show up as, without expectation without a story of but then they'll do this. Just you show up that way. You show up saying I'm showing up like a person in love. I'm showing up like a person with understanding. I'm showing up as a person who listens and doesn't take things personally. That's the new story. I'm going to tell myself, and I'm going to see how that changes my life. I'm going to listen to people just because they need to be heard. And I'm not going to decide whether they're right or wrong. And I'm not going to argue whether they're right or wrong. I'm just going to let them know they're heard. But that shifts something that's a new way to tell that story. Imagine what the ending could be. This is another thing you can take that pen to paper and write that story. What is the current In story you tell about your most important relationships, including the one with yourself. And finally, the third, I think one of the most powerful examples is the story of fear. How do you tell the story of fear in your life? How big is fear in your life, from the way you tell it? stories that I hear around fear include. I know, I'll always be fearful now, I will never be able to not have fear in the back of my mind. Every day, I'll wake up for the rest of my life. And I'll always have this fear with me. And it's paralyzing. That is one hell of a powerful story. But what if there's a possibility that it isn't true? What if you decided, I'm a person who wakes up and when fear comes into my brain? I say to it, that's okay. Fear, you can hang out with me. I'm not afraid of you anymore. What if you didn't have to believe fear was going to be in the back of your mind every day no matter? What, what if every ache and pain in your body? Did it? Serve here? Because you decided to change your story? How would that impact your life? How do you tell that story around fear now? And what does it do? How do you show up in your life because of that story? It can be so powerful. Writing it down and taking a look at it will bring you a tremendous amount of clarity. And from that clarity, you can say, Wow, I see this. And we have a tendency to go okay. Well, that's true. That is the way that it is we have a tendency to look at our story, like our story is the evening news. And the evening news is true. But it's really just the way we're choosing to think about things. Just like the stories I shared with you in the beginning of this episode, these two people who got up and spoke told a story of immense sadness and suffering and loss and grief. But on the other side of their stories, they had huge inspiration, huge transformation, huge growth to people, the parents of this teenage boy who lost the boy and turn that grief into a foundation that's raised hundreds of 1000s of dollars for research and support for other families going through the same thing that they were. There's a 22 year old man who stood up there and told the story of all the suffering he'd been through before he was 12. And on the other side of that was the story of how he was an entreprenuer. By the time he was 12. How as a child, he discovered there was no good treats in the hospital. So he developed a line of bait good, called scones and distributes them in many different hospitals now. Wow, the change that came from there, the inspiration, he goes on talk shows, he is a public speaker. He's graduated from college, he's accomplished so much. So there's always a different story in there. One doesn't minimize the other one isn't good, and one isn't bad. They're all your story. But ask yourself, the way you're telling it. How does it serve you is the way you're telling it creating the result you want in your life? And if not, can you revisit it, and tell it from a different way that is truthful, that gets what you need from sharing that story, whatever that might be. But that also empowers you, and helps you move forward in creating a life that's better than before breast cancer and not destroyed by it. I think the most powerful shift that came for me was when I decided that my story was no longer going to be a story of surviving cancer, but a story of healing. And that's the perspective I tell my story from. Yes, I have stage four cancer. Yes, I have treatment for stage four cancer and it's the second time around. But that's just a part of what I do as I work to heal. That's just a part of what I do. As I produce podcasts and create coaching programs, and coach other survivors, and look forward to all of the plans that I have for my future. And the way that I tell my story reminds me that I am capable of anything. It reminds me that my amazing body could go through cancer and heal and thrive and get cancer again and heal and continue to heal and get up every day and do things in this world. It's a story that when I think about it, I think yeah There's literally nothing I can't do. When I put my mind to it, when I think about the power that I have. There's just nothing to me that seems beyond my reach. And that is all a result of the way that I tell my story to me, right? It's not for others. That story and the way you share it is for you. So how are you telling it in a way that empowers you? How are you telling your story in a way that doesn't dismiss the suffering you've been through, but embraces the incredible resilience that you have? The incredible emotional capacity that you have, and the ability you have to keep moving forward, keep digging in and keep enjoying your life. That is the story that I hope for you. And that is the work I do helping other women to shift their mind to be able to tell the story of their life in the way they want it read in if you need help with that you can find me at the breast cancer recovery coach.com You can join my coaching program, the better than before breast cancer life coaching membership, and you can get all the details on that at the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash life coaching. I will talk to you again next week Brent and until then please be good to yourself. Take care of

Speaker 2 21:27
us took your courage to the test laid all your doubts your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting more your futures Give it all you know hesitate. You been waiting on