After breast cancer, there’s a long list of things that contribute to fatigue, 

-Chemically induced menopause 

-Aromatase inhibitors 

-Radiation treatments 

-etc… 

But how often have you considered that your emotions may be contributing to your fatigue? 

Intense emotions including fear and anger create a physical response in the body that uses a lot of energy. 

So, why is it so hard to let go of the thoughts that create those emotions and keep you in emotional pain in addition to undermining your physical health? 

Holding onto intense emotions has been shown to contribute to depression, anxiety, heart disease, poor mental health, and more. 

In this episode, I’ll tell you about three of the most common thoughts I see, and experience, that create resistance when it comes to letting go of negative emotions and what you can do to move beyond those thoughts and closer to joy. 

Referred to in this episode: 

Better Than Before Breast Cancer Life Coaching Membership 

Your High-Intensity Feelings May Be Tiring You Out 

Read the full transcript below:

Laura Lummer 0:00
You're listening to the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. I'm a Certified Life health and nutrition coach, and I'm also a breast cancer thriver. If you're trying to figure out how to move past the trauma and the emotional toll of breast cancer, you've come to the right place. In this podcast, I will give you the tools and the insights to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer. Well, let's get started. Hello, hello, welcome to episode 192 of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I am your host, Laura Lummer. And I'm really excited to jump into today's show. Before I do that, I just want to give you a very quick reminder that if you haven't done so yet, you can go to my website. And you can find some free resources there. Especially if this is the first time or you're new to the podcast or you're new to doing work for yourself to help support yourself in this time after a breast cancer diagnosis or after treatment or even after the diagnosis of recurrence and you need some extra support, especially on how you're thinking about this whole situation, you can get that support on my website, you can go to the breast cancer recovery coach.com. And right on the homepage, you can check out my four pillars of breast cancer recovery mini video series, it's a small course that gives you a step and insight into each of the four pillars of breast cancer recovery that I teach and coach on. And you can also go to the Resources page, the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash resources where you can get more free downloads. And you can even find links to some things that I use that help and support me in my recovery in my journey to heal from breast cancer. And that I know have helped lots of other survivors too. So be sure to check that out the breast cancer recovery coach.com. And let's jump right in to today. So I am recording this in the week after returning home from an amazing trip to Cabo San Lucas, I was fortunate enough that my very dear friend and former sister in law invited me to come down and share her lovely condo in San Jose del Cabo for a week. And I did and we had an amazing time. And I mean, it was perfect, everyday was perfect. She's a great tour guide. She's a wonderful person and good company, we had a lot of great food, great conversations, just a really good time. So I get home, and I'm a little tired from travel. So you know, I take a day to unwind and relax with hobby. But I noticed that I was really in a funk. And it wasn't because of vacations over and I have to come home and back to reality because I mean, I don't dread coming home, I had a wonderful vacation. But I have a wonderful home and have a wonderful life. And I I love being at home. But there was something in me that there was still some turmoil going on. And as I did the work as I tried to become more aware of what this was because I know and I believe very much that our feelings are created by our thoughts. And sometimes those thoughts can be kind of buried a little deep underneath the surface. And so we can notice the emotion because it's strong, and it's powerful. But it can be a little more challenging to put our finger on what's driving that emotion. Sometimes it takes some space, it takes some quiet time. It takes some intention. It takes some work. It takes some thought downloads, I'm sitting here in writing, like what am I thinking? What is going on? What is this feeling reminding me of? What is it? What is it making me think is going on, and just really kind of digging into that. And that's why I say it's so important for us to have that space and time for ourselves on a daily basis. Even if it's only a few minutes of space. Sometimes in life, we need a little more than that. We need a little bigger space a little more time for ourselves to work through some things that may be challenging. So I've said before on the podcast that, you know, I guess if I had to categorize myself, right, there's people pleasers and there's fighters and there's caretakers and you know, we kind of labeled people's personality types. And for me, I would have to say I would be the fighter right on the defender and the protector. I'm the one who will you want me in your corner? If you got to be in a bunker with somebody trust me, I'll have your back in that bunker and make sure you're taken care of. But that's not always a positive attribute. Because a lot of times that very protectiveness that Mama Bear part of me comes out Because of things I perceive as injustices, and that leads me to feeling really angry. And anger is a really powerful emotion in my life, it has played a very powerful part in my life. And I've had to do a lot of work on it, as I talked about previously on other shows in this podcast. Now, I know I'm not alone in this, because I coach women all the time who are in very intense emotional states. And anger is one of our fundamental emotions. In fact, in the 1970s, psychologist Paul Ekman identified anger as one of the six foundational emotions for human beings. And here's the interesting thing, those six basic emotions were happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, and surprise, happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, and surprise. So out of the six basic emotions, only one for sure was really good, really positive happiness. Surprise, I guess could go either way, right. But four of them are definitely negative emotions. Now, obviously, since the 1970s, we've not only discovered there are far more than just six emotions, but there's also gradients of emotions, you know, there's happiness, and there's elation, there's sadness, and there's devastation, right? So there's a lot, a full range of emotions within each emotion. And that's important, because again, what I'm talking about here was this feeling of funk. And it was really a burnout from experiencing intense emotion, in my case, anger. And honestly, I wasn't even consciously realizing how much energy I was putting into some of the thoughts that I was having. But the important thing here to remember is that we think that our body uses energy when we jump rope, when we walk for two miles when we clean the house and move the furniture. And we forget to give ourselves the credit and have the awareness of understanding that emotions take energy. And the more intense an emotion is, the more energy not only the more energy it takes to have that experience. But it also takes energy to manage that experience. So if you're in a really heightened state of anger, and you're really focused on something, and you're holding on to something, and you're carrying it with you, and you're putting thought energy into this every day, and sometimes all day long. I know. I've heard so many times, I know I am. I have said this, and I'm sure you have probably said this, that something negative happened. And you say I didn't even sleep, or I haven't thought about anything else for X amount of days. Think about that. That takes a tremendous amount of energy, all of your thoughts going into something that is a negative emotion, creating intensity, using up energy, and friends. That is exhausting.

Laura Lummer 8:28
I want to read you an excerpt from Harvard Business Review. And this article, which I'll link to in the show notes for this episode is called your high intensity feelings may be tiring you out, because of course once I realized what was happening and how tired I felt, I had to do a little bit of research on it. So this article says that high intensity emotions are physiologically taxing so they tax your physical body. Excitement, even when it is fun involves what psychologists call physiological arousal or activation of our fight or flight system, because it activates the body's stress response. Excitement can deplete our system when sustained over longer periods. Chronic stress compromises our immunity, memory and attention span. In other words, high intensity whether it's from negative states like anxiety, or positive states like excitement, taxes, the body. Isn't that fascinating. It goes on to say that high intensity emotions are also mentally taxing. It's hard to focus when we're physiologically aroused and overstimulated. We know from brain imaging research, that when we're feeling intense emotions, the amygdala is activated. That's the same region that lights up when we're feeling a fight or flight response. We need to use effort in emotional regulation strategies from a different part of our brain located in the prefrontal cortex to calm ourselves enough to get our work done. This emotional regulation itself requires additional effort, like I mentioned a moment ago. So isn't that interesting? When we are holding on to something, whether it's good, or whether it's negative, we are exhausting our physical bodies, when that feeling is intense, and it can be intense when there's a lot of consistent thought going into it, because you're not letting it go. And that's really what I'm going to talk about here. Why do we resist so hard? Why do we put up such a fight, when it comes to letting go of things that are creating negative emotions in our body, undermining our health, which is the very last thing we want to do as cancer survivors, especially if we're in treatment, if we're managing disease, if we're on long term medications that already have the effect of fatiguing the body and increasing fatigue in the body. And then if we are not putting the effort into manage our mind, in addition to that, we can be feeling even more exhausted. So a lot of survivors that come and talk to me Tell me like I'm paralyzed by fear. I am in so much fear, I'm so scared, I'm so worried. Or I'm so angry. And I feel like so betrayed. This is just so unfair, and so unjust. And these thoughts, as they will use their own words, right, it takes me to a very dark place. And sometimes they don't want to get out of bed. And sometimes they don't want to participate in life. And they don't want to answer the phone to the people they love. And they don't want to go do things that are fun. Because there's so taxed mentally and physically. So why why do we resist? Well, resistance is really an action, right? I'm resisting, I'm choosing not to let go. I'm whether it's a mental choice or a physical choice, because like I'm tugging a rope, I'm holding on to something physically, or I'm holding a grudge, I'm holding a thought, I am mentally holding on to something. And my action is resistance. And why is that? Because I'm having a thought. And I find that these three thoughts are the most common. It's not right. It's not right. It's not fair. Right? We tell ourselves that there's a thought. It's not right. It's not fair. I'm angry. I won't let this go. I keep talking about it. I keep talking about it to all the people around me because I want other people to agree with me and say, You're right. That's not right. And you know what? What that does, is it puts more energy into that negativity. I think something's not right. I'm angry. I'm resisting the even the thought of letting go of this. It's making me sick. It's making me tired. And I'm getting proof from anyone else. I can't around me that it's not right. And and now I'm even more angry. Right? Every time I talk about I get any more angry. Have you heard yourself say that before? Oh, every time I bring it up, I just feel angry all over again. Yeah, that's right, you do, because you're putting a lot of energy into it. Another thought is, they should be accountable. Somebody did an action in your manual of life, that action is wrong, in your expectation of that person or in your relationship with that person, that action was wrong. So they need to pay for it. They need to be accountable for it. What's the language they use, they owe me an apology. I want them to feel my pain. And when we go through this process of breast cancer, I hear this a lot. Because we're in the medical system. And we're dealing with a lot of other imperfect human beings who make a lot of mistakes, or who fall into habitual routines of doing their jobs. And then forget to tell us things that to us are hugely impactful on their on our lives. And to them are just something they just do every day. And we can get so angry. And we can say that's not right. something should happen. Something should be done. They should have to answer for this. And then they don't and you hold on to it. And you say I'm not going to let this anger go because they should pay for this. Whether you're talking about financially, emotionally, I don't know what is paid for this mean to you. And then the the third one is, I'm justified, justified to feel like this. I have every right to feel like this. And then it comes in again when we go when we talk to our people Let's say it's not right. Right. I'm justified. And oh, yeah, you definitely are. You should feel angry. Yeah, that's right. Angry. That was my rule. They violated it's not right. And I have every right to be angry, don't I? Yes, you do. And how does that serve you? Well, it exhausts you, mentally and physically. And I was thinking about this the other day, because I tried to view my anger as a tangible thing. You know, how we go through life, there's all kinds of cliches, and yet cliches have an element of truth to them. That's why they're there. And that's why they're, they've been said so many times that they've become cliches, and holding on to anger, right? It's like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die from it. So when I'm in this place of feeling angry, it's really important to me that when my mind goes to, she shouldn't have he shouldn't have they shouldn't have. I tried to come back and I say, No, no, no, this anger that I'm holding, is this fiery ball of energy. And it's right here, I can my solar plexus, I feel it, I feel the heat. So interesting, because in Ayurveda, anger would be called the pitha emotion and Pitta has the qualities of heat. Right? It's hot, Pinta people are people are Type A personalities and really intense and, and hot and emotions are heated, jealousy, anger. And what happens when you have a lot of pizza? What happens when you have a lot of heat in anything, you burn out? So what is intensity? It's like heat, right? Intense when something's really intense, and you feel it so powerfully, it makes sense that you burn out from it. But you can exhaust yourself from it. So when I'm trying to process anger, and I can have these thoughts, it's not right. They should be accountable. I'm justified in feeling like this. Many times. That's true. And I say, Yeah, that's true. But sometimes that doesn't mean shit, that it's true. Because it isn't right. And it's still going to happen. They shouldn't they should be held accountable, but they're not going to be. And I am justified in feeling this way. And it doesn't serve me. And so I hold that anger, and I picture it. And sometimes it's really painful, because it's intense, and it hurts and doesn't feel good. And I tell myself, you can't pass it, you got to hold it. You've got to see what it's doing to you. Why are you holding it? Why do you want this? Notice everything that it's doing for you. It doesn't matter if your reasons for having it are true or not. Look at what it's doing to you. Is this what you want?

Laura Lummer 18:12
And no, it isn't what I want. Because it never feels good. It never feels good to hold on to something that is creating an intensely negative emotion. Whether it's anger, whether it's disgust, whether it's frustration, whether it's some shade of any of these, it doesn't feel good to hold on to it. And I can't pass it. Because guess what, no one else is gonna take it. And here's the thing if they did, if I said, Here's my anger, and you know what, you're the person who did the thing that I have the thoughts about, that's making me feel angry. So take my anger here, you're gonna get it all. I'm giving you this anger and it's on you. I want you to feel that anger. So that's personal motto. I don't want I don't want it. I don't want it. Oh, no, no, you're gonna take it, you're gonna take it. What is that person going to do? They're going to move further and further away. And if by some chance they take that anger from me, it's strangely transforms from my hands to theirs. It changes from anger, to guilt, or from anger, to shame. They don't feel my anger. They may feel angry at me for the way I'm treating them because I'm feeling anger. They may feel guilty for the things I say to them because I'm feeling anger. But nine times out of 10 My anger is not going to translate in the way that I want it to translate and nothing pa causative is going to come from trying to pass it on to someone else. But if I hold on to it, and I'm honest with myself, no matter how hard that is, I'm honest with myself, and I look at what it's doing to me. Then I've got to go back to those thoughts. And I can say, yeah, it's not right. But it's also not for me to decide what's right or wrong for another person's life. Yes, I wish people did get held accountable for things they did that I think violate my rules of life. But I'm not the judge and jury. That's not how this works. Right? And finally unjustified. You do I feel like I'm judged, if I will, if I go by the rules that I wrote for the way everybody in my life should behave, then yeah, I'm justified. But is that rulebook benefiting anyone? Is it benefiting me in any way? And again, nine times out of 10, maybe even 10, owed on? answer's no. And so it's just an interesting thing to stop. And notice, when you're in a funk, and I hear this from people, though, they'll schedule and pray with me and say, I just need a coaching because I'm just in a funk. And noticing what is a funk? What does it feel like? What has happened recently? What are your thoughts about what has happened recently, or what is happening? Because know that those thoughts are creating that feeling, they creating that feeling of funk, and they can be draining and exhausting, which is why we use the language this is draining. It's why we use the language I'm exhausted. I know before when I've done speaking engagements or seminars, and I'm on right like on all my energy, like I want to give everything I've got, and that engagement may go for an hour. And when I'm done, I My Holy mackerel, I'm exhausted any expenditure of energy. And we have to remember that as we're going through life, as we are dealing with healing, as we are dealing with managing energy in a very different way after cancer in cancer treatment, because there's no question the energy in our body changes as we age and get further and further away from a diagnosis or into a diagnosis and into menopause, energy changes. And there are many ways we can look at it. And there are lots of things that we can do to help improve our energy. But one of them is to look at how tightly we are holding on to things that create negative emotions for us. And in doing so, exhausted us because that's something that you can change. Alright, if you would like help in changing that I am here for you. And you can find me at the breast cancer recovery coach.com Go to forward slash life coaching and join the better than before breast cancer life coaching membership. This is the end of May and in June we're actually going to be looking at release looking at things that we're holding on to for the month of June. And how learning how to let go of the suppressed suppress and heated emotions and how to allow more positive emotions into our life and invite them and like be intentional about inviting them in to fill that space that's there. When we let go of the emotions that are draining us from the joy of life. I would love to see you there the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash life coaching and I will talk to you again next week. And until then, Please be good to yourself.

Speaker 2 24:09
Use courage to the test laid all your doubts your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting more your futures Give it all you know you been waiting