#188 Doctors Don't Define Your Worth

When you get diagnosed with or find yourself managing a serious illness, integrating the medical system into your life can be a challenge. 

You may have never considered what you expect from a doctor, a hospital, an imaging center, or your insurance company until you find yourself feeling unnoticed, unworthy, or confused by the administrative and personal treatment you receive. 

Do you expect too much from your oncologist? 

Do you need a team but don’t realize it? 

Do you find yourself dreading appointments because the way you’re treated doesn’t align with your expectations? 

Check out this episode to hear how managing your mind around your medical treatment can relieve a lot of stress and give you more options when it comes to managing your health. 

Mentioned in this episode: 

Better Than Before Breast Cancer Life Coaching Membership 

Read the full transcript below:

Laura Lummer 0:00
You're listening to the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. I'm a Certified Life health and nutrition coach, and I'm also a breast cancer thriver. If you're trying to figure out how to move past the trauma and the emotional toll of breast cancer, you've come to the right place. In this podcast, I will give you the tools and the insights to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer. Well, let's get started. Hello, hello, welcome to another episode of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast episode 188. It is good to be here today. And I want to thank you for listening. And I feel like this last couple of weeks has been just full of so many beautiful comments and emails and messages that I've received from people regarding what they get out of the podcast. And I just want you to know, I really, really appreciate that, of course, I respond to everybody. But it's just amazing the support this community has sent out and continues to send out and continues to share this podcast with other survivors, other newly diagnosed women who really, really need to be able to know that there's a different way they can think about going through this treatment, a different way that they can approach treatment and a different outlook that they can have on both treatment and life after breast cancer. Because it makes a difference. You know, sometimes we don't even realize that we don't have to live in fear that we do have a choice about the thoughts that we put our energy into. And that there are options to choose what you want to think and create the life you want without living in denial and still processing your emotions. And it's so powerful. So I hope that that is the message this podcast sends. And I thank you all for continuing to let me know that is working for you and sharing it with others I appreciate so much. And if you haven't had a chance to go and leave a review or rating for the breast cancer recovery coach podcast, I would appreciate that so much again, that's just another way that we can share this podcast with more survivors. And the more ratings and reviews against the easier it is for other people to find it the podcast hosting and iTunes and Spotify and SoundCloud and all that promote it more when it gets more reviews and rating. So if you can take a minute to do that, it's easy to do right on your phone, and it is much much much much appreciated. Alright, so today, let's jump into this. Let's talk about being a patient.

Laura Lummer 2:46
You know, as we go through life, we don't really think about having doctors or the medical system be as big a part of our lives as it becomes once we've had cancer. And then we think, Okay, once we get through the treatment, then this is gonna go away, and I get to go back to living a normal life. And that's not really true either. We have a lot more appointments, we may have long term side effects that need to be dealt with by other doctors and require more support. We happen to see our doctors a little more often we have more scans, we have more bloodwork and navigating the medical system and navigating doctors, sometimes surgeries and many times medical treatment of medications becomes a really big part of our lives, and it becomes a necessary part of our lives. You know, cancer can require long term does require long term management and side effects, also from the long term management require management. But what happens is that when we get into this medical system, our expectations, our fear, comes into play a lot, right, our fear of what's going on where we're in treatment for cancer, our fear of did everything get seen found tested correctly after treatment. I coach women often who have diagnostically been proven to not have disease currently, right? There's no evidence of disease. But there's still so much fear there, that they have a hard time accepting or believing or trusting that they really have no evidence of disease, they have a very difficult time telling themselves that I'm cancer free. Some of that I believe is from the trauma of what we've been through. It's from the tremendous fear of something being overlooked or missed. And some of it is from the trust or the faith that we have, not just in physicians as human beings but in imaging and diagnostics and all of it in everything that we go through. And there's definitely validity behind a lot of that their experiences that we have, especially When we are in treatment, I don't think I've ever heard a story of someone who went through treatment and didn't have any kind of questions or any kind of hiccups or any kind of unexpected changes to their routine. If you did, that's amazing and wonderful. But if you didn't, don't think that you're alone, because in my experience, that's not how it went. And I can't think of a single woman I know who have coached that that's how it went that it was just easy, without any concerns, or any lingering questions or perhaps even doubts. But the problem comes in when we have a certain expectations. So it's kind of interesting, similar to when we're in a relationship with people. And I've talked about manuals before what I was taught in Life Coach School, we have ideas, rules for people, the way people should act, the way people should conduct themselves. And when they don't, our emotions are attached to that. And we get angry, disappointed, whatever sad hurt. Well, I think that we need to sometimes examine those thoughts that we have also, with physicians and the medical system, once the medical system becomes such an important part of our life. I remember during my first treatment, feeling frustrated so often, because my oncologist didn't know anything about the supplements that I was reading about and wanted to take, or different ideas about food and what food to eat and eat anything and I thought, your oncologist, you're treating cancer, why don't you know this? And for some reason, it took me a while to realize, Oh, you don't need to know this. You're an oncologist. Your job is to find the right medicine to treat the cancer in my body, make it go away, control it, whatever I want to say cure. And yet, I think sometimes they say there's no cure, but you know, cure have make it go away to the point where we have no evidence of disease. And when I came to terms with that, and I realized, okay, you know what, I am so frustrated, because I'm asking my doctor about how these medicines are affecting me and why I'm gaining weight and what menopause is doing, and what should I be eating? And why can I take this supplement, and I realized, that's just not what my oncologist does. But there are other doctors that do that, right. There are other physicians who do manage pain. There are dieticians, there are nutritionists, there are naturopaths that are amazing. And they are MDS and MDs, and they understand supplementation and herbs. And, you know, unfortunately, there aren't a lot of studies about the interaction of herbal medicines and chemotherapy medication. So it's really important for us and I want to talk about this because we, as the patient oftentimes are in so much pain, so much anger, and we struggle so much with the way that were treated, because it doesn't align with our expectation of the support we should get. And so it's interesting, I've had several phone calls this week dealing with women who were extremely frustrated with doctors who weren't very personable, who didn't remember some of the problems they've already had in their treatment or some of the circumstances of their treatments. Now, some of those concerns have been what we have to go through, you know, the ongoing diagnostics and the questions. I remember having to fill out this form every time I'd go into my oncologist. And I knew that they didn't read it, right? I'd have to answer all of these questions from everything from how you're sleeping, or if you have itchy eyes, or what your fatigue level was all of this. And they would never really look at it. It probably just went in my file. But after several months of having one issue, this was in my first round of treatment. I remember St. My doctor asking me a question about neuropathy. And I said, Yeah, I mean, that pretty much started after my second treatment of chemo. I've been putting it on that form every time I come in, and he's like, Oh, you have? Oh, well, there's something I can give you for that. And I thought, why the hell? Don't you know that already? I'm writing it on the form. Right? So there are a lot of things that we expect that someone would do that a medical professional will do, because it's our life, right? It's our health. It's our pain level. It's our sense of security. And we're really thinking, you know, my life is in this person's hands. And that's pretty special, and that should be treated well. But what we don't often stop to think, is what I shared with you a moment ago, that doctors are very specialized. And if we have an expectation of a full spectrum of holistic treatment, then we may have to consider bringing in a full spectrum. We have different practitioners. Even if we go to our oncologists and say, Hey, I'm suffering from anxiety, or I'm suffering from depression, whether you're in treatment, or it's years after treatment, they will do something to help you with that symptom. But obviously, your oncologist isn't there to help support you emotionally and mentally, you know, that's going to require a different kind of professional. And another area where a lot of frustration comes in for us as patients is in the approach and the way physicians speak to us at times, in my experience, from what I personally have experienced, and from what others have shared with me, there is an expectation of a certain type of understanding, and compassion. And we have to realize that a physician is an expert in medicine, and they are only a human being. And there's no other career, I think that we would think of as these people are omnipotent. Any other job, any one else that we deal with, we might say, Oh, that one is really good at this, this one isn't so great at this. But I think overall, we have this expectation of physicians as all of them being top notch, right, great bedside manner, great memory, great with medicine. And we don't realize that these are just people, people who come to work sometimes stressed because of finances, because of family issues because of business issues. People who maybe didn't get enough sleep last night, people who maybe had a hangover, they're just people, and we don't know what their life situation is when they come in and put on that white coat. And why I think it's important for you to explore your thoughts about the expectations of your physicians, is one because I've talked about this so many times, we have to be our own advocate, we have to realize that when we're talking about our life, we have to be our own advocate, we have to be able to ask questions about our tests about things we don't understand, we have to know, I'm actually the customer here. And I think when we get into the medical system, we tend to lose sight of that we tend to go in with fear. You know, I have cancer, I'm coming to you save my life. And we don't stop and think I'm choosing you. I chose you as a physician, because I believe I can have faith in you. Here are my requirements. Here are my questions. Here are my concerns. Here are my doubts, here are my past experiences, how are you going to address those. And we need to start to embrace our personal power here, but also observe our thoughts, that maybe we expect this person to just be all knowing and to have excellent customer service at the same time. Because more often than not, that doesn't happen. And it translates into us as the patient feeling unworthy, feeling discarded, feeling like just a number. And that can create a lot of emotional turmoil, which is something we do not need to deal with, was what we're already going through. When we feel this emotion of worthlessness, when we feel this emotion of not being deserving of our expectation of what we think we should have received in a service, it's really important to look at that thought, because you are worthy. You are deserving, you do have a voice. And the question is, are you using that voice?

Laura Lummer 13:53
Or are you expecting someone else to understand that and step up and be who you want them to be? and care for you in the way you want to be cared for? Now, this can be a frustrating position, because we can get sick of it. We can say, I have been in this medical system for this long, when is it going to change? I hear this all the time. And I love that question. Because I say why do you think it's going to change? You know, just like when we're in relationships with people and I don't know who said it, but somebody really brilliant said, sometimes when people show you who they are, you should believe them. And the same, I think for us in this institution. In this medical institution. Sometimes when you see what this institution is, you should believe it. You should look at it and go ooh, things fall through the cracks. Oh, radiologists don't always write everything down. Let me ask more questions. Oh, you only have a few minutes. I hear how busy doctors are. I didn't want to inconvenience them or bother them. I could tell they were in a rush. We have to be able to step back as patients and get very comfortable with what we need. And if what you need is something you don't feel you are prepared to voice, I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to have a medical advocate with you. And that doesn't just mean in treatment. That means long after treatment, because we're still going through stuff long after treatment for years, for a decade or more, we're watched much more closely than we were ever before we had cancer. And because of this, because being a part of the medical system becomes so integral becomes so integral with our lives, it's really important that it works for you, that the physician you're dealing with works for you that when you go home in a place where you feel unheard, frustrated, angry, or worthless, because of an experience you had at a medical facility or with a physician, that you stop and really look at that for yourself, that you look at what are my thoughts here, if I'm feeling worthless, and my thinking I deserved more time? Am I thinking I deserved to be heard? Am I thinking you're not paying attention to me? And if that's true, if there's truth in those thoughts, what actions are you taking to address that with that medical facility or with that physician, super important. And as I talk about it, and you hear this, I want you to hear it without judgment. It's not like, Oh, I'm doing something wrong. So that's why they're treating me like this. It's that if we want to see change in a system, if we need more support and compassion in a system or with people, we have to be able to find our own voice. And oftentimes, we don't find our own voice, because we don't believe it ourselves. We don't believe we are worth excellent treatment, we don't believe we are deserving of being heard. We don't believe we have the power to say, I'm changing physicians, you're not treating me the way I need to be treated. And I wanted to talk about that this week, because again, I've had several clients over the past couple of weeks, who are just really in a in a terrible place of suffering and a lot of anger, because of some of the experiences they've had with physicians and at medical facilities. And honestly, if I sat down, did a podcast on all of the things that I have had to deal with that are totally unacceptable in medical facilities and through administrative issues with insurance companies and medical facilities in the last 18 months. I mean, it's it would be a series of podcasts. And I think that in shifting the direction of that we all have to support each other. And definitely love ourselves more and say, in this system, where you may have been raised to believe the doctor is omnipotent. Your life is in this doctor's hands, let the doctor decide, is where you have to decide for yourself. How do I want to be treated? How do I want to interact? What do I feel I deserve, and if I don't feel that that standard is being met, to empower yourself, to speak up, or to find someone who can speak up for you. Because from my perspective, and my job is that I don't want anything in life, sending you home with the thought that you got less than you deserve. And you feel and believe that that's okay. Because it's never okay. But it's also critical to examine your expectations and realize what they are and whether or not they're realistic, or whether or not you need more people on your team with expertise in the areas that you need more support in. And we remember that the oncologist is there to be an expert in medicine that treats cancer. And when we expect more than that, you may be setting yourself up for the disappointment that you feel stuck in and that can really end up putting you in this whirlwind of depression and fear. And God knows we don't need to add any more of that into our lives. So the three things I want you to take away from this show are one, I am worthy of the care I feel I deserve to examine my expectations of my oncologist and whether or not they're realistic in Three, I am deserving of a team that supports all the aspects I feel are necessary to support my health and healing. Once you look at those three things, and look at how you're feeling about them, I think that that offers you a really nice roadmap to what you need to be doing to create the kind of health care team and support and system that works for you, as the medical system becomes a really big part of your life and ongoing treatment. So let's all agree to not suffer silently anymore. Let's all agree that we are worth the very best care and treatment and bring that together to support each other and encourage each other in finding that treatment. And if you need help with that you can come to my free Facebook group the breast cancer recovery group incredibly supportive hundreds of survivors there. And even better you can come and work with me one on one in the better than before breast cancer life coaching group where we talk about all the issues that touch our lives when it comes to living after a cancer diagnosis and after treatment because things do change. So if you love what you hear in this podcast and you want more of it come and join me in the better than before breast cancer life coaching membership, you can get all the details at the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash life coaching. Be good to yourself and I will talk to you again next week. Take care

Speaker 2 21:43
use courage to the test laid all your doubts your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting more your futures even you know you've been waiting