#172 A Balanced Life isn't Created on a Calendar

What does "balance" truly mean in the context of life?

I've been grappling with this concept lately.

Initially, I believed achieving balance was about perfecting a mix of work, health, family, and social engagements. Yet, this only amplified my stress, as I struggled to squeeze everything into a finite amount of time.

The next strategy? Commit only to activities that spark joy and resonate with me. However, my list of passions is vast, which again made balance seem unattainable.

Then, an epiphany struck: Balance isn't about a meticulously planned schedule. It's not about equal parts of everything because life, inherently, is not uniform.

Dive into this episode to explore a more nuanced understanding of life's balance.

Read full transcript below:

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This is Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm a healthy lifestyle coach, a clinical or Aveda specialist, a personal trainer, and I'm also a breast cancer survivor. In this podcast, we talk about healthy thinking and mindfulness practices, eating well, moving your body for health and longevity. And we'll also hear from other breast cancer survivors who have reengaged with life, and have incredible stories to share. This podcast is your go to resource for getting back to life after breast cancer. Hello, hello, welcome to episode 172 of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I am your host, Laura Lummer am thrilled to be here with you today. I've got some exciting things to share with you too. First of all, I'm really thrilled and really honored to let you know that I recently participated in a summit so a panel of expert speakers and the summit is called fabulous Fit and Fearless after 50. It was coordinated by a woman named Jennifer Patrick. And I'm very grateful to her for bringing this all together. So it's a four day Summit is completely free. It starts January 17. And it runs through January 21. And you can enroll in the summit, I'll put a link in the show notes to this episode, what you find at the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash 172. You can also go straight to fabulous and fit after 50 with the number fifty.com. And you can enroll there. So it's free. If you don't have time to watch the the talks in the interviews live, then you have 24 hours to watch them afterwards. But I'm really excited about it some panels, some great great guests, some wonderful lifestyle doctors, different coaches, life coaches, wellness professionals. And I think it's just a great motivating and inspiring way to kick off your new year. You know, it's so helpful when we want to do something good for ourselves. And we're in the process of learning how to take better care of ourselves and love ourselves more and give ourselves more grace. It's always so inspiring to listen to other people's inspiration, right. That's why we turned to podcasts. That's why I turned to podcasts. That's why I have a life coach. That's why I listen to Audible books or read books. Having that reinforcement constantly. And these ideas and tips of things we can do to treat ourselves better and to improve our own lives. It's always so wonderful to have that wherever you can get it from. So I hope you check out this summit. Again, it's called fabulous and fit after 50. It is a free summit to enroll in. And it begins January 17. Super excited about that. And then also, the sugar challenge is back on. And registration is now open. So you can register for the sugar challenge at the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash sugar. Now this challenge is a five day challenge that I host. And what I've done in the challenge is created videos, an action sheet, there'll be live coaching. And it's not a diet. And it's not about tracking macros or measuring how much sugar is in your diet. But it is taking a mindful approach to how you eat and what you put in your body. And in this challenge, I give you a different lesson, a different area to focus on each day for the five days, and ask you to really look at your thoughts behind some of the reasons why you choose the foods you do choose when you choose them. And it's very, very fascinating to learn this about yourself. Because you know as a certified nutrition coach, as a personal trainer or wellness professional, I know that willpower will only get you so far. In the beginning of the year we start off we say I'm going to lose 10 pounds, eat less sugar, eat more vegetables, whatever your health goals are. And the majority of us fall off the wagon and those goals are kicked to the curb by the end of February. But if we can learn to really look at what our thoughts are, and understand how to manage our urges, you know when you're sitting down at night and you're watching TV, and you're really not hungry, but you have this urge to go over to the pantry or open the freezer or go over to the fridge or open another bottle of wine. What's behind that urge. What drives you to take that action when you take it in this sugar challenge We look at that, we look at that, and what drives your actions, how you want to feel, how does taking these actions actually make you feel when you reach out and you eat something that you're saying, I don't really want to eat, or you're saying this is a treat, but the treat actually gives you a hot flash and makes you feel like crap, what's going on? In your mind? How is it that you're trying to feel or what is it potentially, you're trying to avoid feeling by making these food choices. So it's a completely different approach to managing sugar, and overall just managing food in your life. But it's really fun. It's five days, you get all the video lessons, the private member area, we have a pop up Facebook group, so you can go in there and share ideas with each other, there's going to be a prize. And there's also going to be some live coaching. So I hope you join me, it's gonna be super, super fun, I've done the sugar challenge before but this time, I've, you know, taken it to the next level a little bit, added some things in change some things around. So I really know it's going to be amazing, and you're going to love it. And it's going to give you a whole new perspective on the way that you approach your food choices. So go to the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash sugar, and join me, we're going to have a great time. Okay, let's get into this show. So lately, I have been really seeking balance and doing my own work on discovering what works in my life. As far as the amount of time I spend concentrating on what I believe to be healing practices and supporting my healing. And the amount of time that I spend on my business and working with my clients. A few weeks ago, I had some bloodwork come back, and some of my numbers, my tumor markers had gone up higher than they normally are. And so that I felt like it set me back for a sec, you know, and I thought, Oh, shit, that I don't like to see this. That's not the direction I want to see these numbers going. There was some fear, definitely, that came up. And I had to really sit and process that and then ask myself what's going on here? Am I as focused on all the things that I said I could be that I was initially focused on during my diagnosis, like, even you know more regimented in my diet and keeping you very clean and keeping alcohol out and keeping exercise consistent, and doing meditation and all the things that I do to support my healing. So I started to look back at that and see where I've maybe slipped a little bit here and there and started going back to some, well, I'll have a hamburger here, or I'll have a martini there. And doing so and kind of slipping back into old habits because I have felt so good. And because my results have been so good. Right? So then it's like a test, you get good results. You're feeling good. And then you're like, alright, well have a glass of wine with a pasta tonight, or have two glasses of wine when we go out to dinner tonight. And then you get your bloodwork bloodwork still good. Okay, let's not have been that bad, right? And then you kind of like, okay, I'll have that because I'm avoiding gluten really, for the most part, oh, I'll have that piece of bread or I'll have this, you know, collage II or something. And then bloodwork still looks good. So it slowly becomes this process of convincing myself right that you know what, I'm good. I'm healing. And then I get this result. And I'm like, Oh, shoot. Okay, time to refocus. And I want to share that with you. Because I know that in any treatment for cancer in any recovery from cancer and in living with cancer. There's always setbacks, right. And I remember going through the initial treatments back in 2011, when it was, you'd go into surgery, and you'd expect this and then you'd find out that you'd go in to chemotherapy or radiation. And you would expect this and then you'd find out that right and anytime the result didn't align with the expectation, it felt like a punch in the gut. Right? So when this happened this time, I looked at my schedule, I looked at what I was doing with my life, I looked at the things I can control, and where I was sticking to what I believed was best for me and where I was slipping up and what I could do to better support my healing. In going through that process, I realized that I was segmenting my life in a way that really wasn't serving me and was never going to help me feel like I was imbalanced. For instance, is it true that time I spent on healing is different than time I spend on my job with my family in my free time,

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whatever whatever. Is it true that these things are kind of cordoned off or isn't everything that I do a part of my healing? And when I saw that, I thought, Oh, that's really interesting. Because I am putting pressure on myself to do specific exercises throughout the day for a certain amount of time, right? Read this much meditate this much do this around taking my medications, when I started to look, and I thought, okay, hold on, why am I separating that? Why is it that we sometimes say like, this time does this, and this time does that, as if it's okay to say, you know, for the first hour and a half in the morning, it's my me time, and that supports me. And then for the next 1314 hours of the day, it depletes me, why isn't the whole day part of everything I do to support my health and my healing. So if I'm going to work, but I haven't learned to manage my mind around the expectations that are happening at work, so I'm miserable at work. And then I just the only time I find peace is this little piece of time I've carved out for myself and say, this was my time for peace, if I'm with my children, or I'm with my spouse, or in any other situation, and I haven't managed my mind around that relationship, and I haven't invested into making more constructive communication happen in those relationships, manage my temperament around those relationships. And so I feel totally stressed out and my chest is constricted, and I think, Oh, my God, I just need a glass of wine. Well, that's really not the way that we want to lay out life, right? So we don't want to partition it. So that we can't find balance. Because we can't find balance. If we say this part of my time is for this, this part of my time is for that, although we may be doing different physical activities in that time, is the underlying thread is everything I do is done to support my healing. How do you carry that thread through your life, participate in the things you need to do? Or choose to do? Choose to work and be with your children and be with their spouse and be with your friends or travel or whatever it is you choose? And how do you carry that thread, and maintain that sense of peace. And that sense of being a priority to yourself and treating yourself with grace and with compassion. And here's what I came up with. I was looking at this as kind of an end goal, right the outcome, that I have found the perfect way to spend this many hours supporting my health, this many hours supporting my business, this many hours supporting my family, look at that balance. If I just stick to the plan, and stick to the calendar, bam, it's done. And I'm in balance. And that is so not how it works. The balance doesn't come from external things. The balance comes from me inside, internally. And balance isn't a segregation of time, right or blocks of life. It's actually finding way to be in the flow and the process of life. So if I reflect back on the bloodwork that I got with numbers that went up higher, that was a setback, right. And as I've said, we we always have setbacks, as we're going through cancer treatment, we always have setbacks, as we go through life, it's part of life. Seeing something that you're not happy with and wanting to make adjustments, is more than just looking at time and rearranging time. It's seeking that internal balance and that awareness that all the time you spend in your life, all the time you spend in your day, all contributes to the sense of peace and spirit sense of balance that you experience internally. So I was slipping up and I was getting frozen, because I was looking at the amount of time I was dedicating to things outside of what I considered quote unquote, healing practices. And then I was getting kind of nervous, because I was thinking, am I supporting my health enough? And I know you can relate to this because I hear this all the time. I didn't have the time for myself, I don't have the time to exercise, I don't have the time to eat, right. And we look at that time, as if it is somehow separate from the rest of life as if the taking care of ourselves and treating ourselves well, is something that exists completely on its own and life is not this holistic experience. So here's what I came to and I want to offer this to you to see if hopefully it helps if you find yourself in this same struggle where You want more time for yourself, you want to be supporting your health, of course, you want to be supporting your body's ability to heal itself. Of course, we want to heal from cancer, we want to prevent recurrences of cancer. And in doing so we want to feel as good and healthy and energetic as we can throughout our life. So we're just friggin enjoying life along the way. So what I realized is that if I focus on the outcome only, if I look at life, in chunks of time, and what label each chunk of time gets, and I separate them, then I'm missing the whole thread of creating a life that in its entirety, supports my body's ability to heal my happiness and my fulfillment. But if I also focus only on the outcome only and looking at my life and saying, okay, yeah, now it's imbalanced. And if I see it outside of those parameters, and I think, okay, it's not imbalanced, and then I judged myself for it. Now I'm creating resistance, and then I'm judging myself. And then I'm saying, I didn't make this happen. And then I kind of freeze up and don't want to do anything at all. But the truth is, that life and everything in it is a process, a constant continuing process. And when we become aware of something that isn't necessarily where we want it to be, it, it's not that important to say, I don't like this here, it needs to be different tomorrow, as it is to say, okay, you know, what, I just create a little more awareness here. I'm aware now that there are some things I could be doing better for myself, or I'm aware now that life is feeling kind of off kilter, and I want to make some changes. And in that awareness itself, we are in the process. And in the flow of creating the life we want. We are in that process when I realized, oh, wow, I'm segregating my life. I'm segregating healing time, as if it's, you know, its own party. In that awareness itself, I'm able to say, Well, I'm in the process now of creating balance. Balance isn't something that just happened overnight, I thought that I was imbalanced. And now I can look and say, Oh, let me take another step towards feeling more balanced. Because the question is, what is balanced feel like to me? Now, what does it look like? Not in actions, but what does it feel like? And for me, to be imbalanced, feels like I can carry this sense of peace, I can carry this sense of self compassion with me, through my days, through my weeks, and feel really good that in the moment, I am doing what is best for me at that time. And if that means rearranging the schedule, then schedules can get rearranged. If I go to work, if I go to a job if I go to an event, and I find that that is a draining thing, and I think I just can't wait to get home and have a few minutes for myself, then that awareness of what is happening there. And whether or not that part of my life is serving me is something that's super important. Because again, when we've gone through the trauma we've gone through, and when we know that there's some kind of a vulnerability in our system that can result in a serious disease or has resulted in a serious disease. And we're asking ourselves, How do I bring my life into alignment? Then we have to look at it as a whole picture. And we want to ask ourselves, why would we let some parts of our life take away from our sense of peace take away from supporting us take away from fulfilling us? If that's the case? Why would we look at parts of our life as less wonderful than other parts? And how can we think differently about them, to bring it together and create a life where the totality of our life is one that supports our happiness and our healing? Note, does

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that mean that your two year old won't have a temper tantrum that your mom sometimes won't be a pain in the butt? Not that I'm ever a pain in the butt even though I'm a mother, I mean, you know, an exception here. But you know what I'm saying? Does it mean that life will be perfect? It doesn't mean that. But it does mean that we treat ourselves well, more often. Then the 15 minutes or the 30 minutes. That's considered me time or the one hour a day in a yoga class, that we look at our whole life and say, How am I thinking about my life? How am I approaching my life and everything that has to be done within my life and approach In a way that serves and supports me that I'm not walking around all day long saying, I'm so stressed out, or I don't have enough time for me, or I can't wait to go on vacation and escape life. We don't want to live a life that we have to escape from. And God knows that's not saying we don't want to go on vacation because I love vacations. But you know, and I'm saying the balance is a bigger picture, then finding the right amount of time for personal care versus work and obligations. So I hope that helps you because it really did help me when I finally asked myself, Why am I saying that life and healing are two separate things? Why am I looking at my time, as if it isn't all a part of my life? And that the goal of all of my life isn't happiness, fulfillment, and healing always? What a beautiful thread was so lovely, because honestly, in that moment, it was this big shift of Oh, my God, and I do love what I do. So why would I ever tell myself that what I do, no matter how much I love, it isn't supporting my health, when it obviously is right and just have this strange idea in my head that supporting your health only means things that I'm going to find in Shape magazine. Right? supporting my health is everything I do every single day. I hope that helps you. And I hope you come and join me in the sugar challenge. And we find out to how eating and how treating your body and nourishing your body with food is also a wonderful thread that can be enjoyable and can serve you and does not have to have stress or deprivation and in fact, looking at the underlying thoughts behind what you put in your body can actually be an amazing step towards more self compassion. Right? Check it out breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash sugar and I will talk to you again next week. And until then, Please be good to yourself and expect others to be good to you as well. Take care of friends.

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You've heard your courage to the test laid all your doubts. Your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting more your futures Give it all you know you've been waiting on yours this is your