Ever feel like there's just too much on your plate, especially during certain times of the year? The sensation of being swamped with tasks, emotions, or decisions can be all too familiar. But what if you could shift that overwhelming feeling without necessarily reducing your to-do list?

In this episode, we'll delve into the roots of overwhelm, its typical companions, and how you can transform an overloaded life into one that's abundant and joy-filled. Let's uncover the power within you to embrace life's fullness with a newfound perspective.

Referred to in this Episode:

Give the Gift of Coaching

Heidi Hanna

Read full transcript below:

0:01
This is Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm a healthy lifestyle coach, a clinical Ayurveda specialist, a personal trainer, and I'm also a breast cancer survivor. In this podcast, we talk about healthy thinking and mindfulness practices, eating well, moving your body for health and longevity. And we'll also hear from other breast cancer survivors who have reengaged with life, and have incredible stories to share. This podcast is your go to resource for getting back to life after breast cancer.

0:37
Has Hello and welcome to another episode of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I am your host, Laura Lummer. I am so happy to be here with you today. Today in let's see, when the show comes out, I think it'll be let's check December 10. We're gonna be 15 days away from Christmas, I believe we're in Hanukkah, if I'm if I'm not mistaken. But either way we are full swing into the holiday season. And we're going to talk a lot about what that means today. But before I jump into it, I want to extend a deep, deep thank you to empowered nein, nein, nein, thank you so much for coming back and leaving the second review for the podcast. And I have to tell you, I loved your review. It means the world to me. And I love seeing that the one that you left a couple of years ago. And I remember that one, I remember that original review. And I remember at the time thinking what a great review it was and how much it meant to me. So thank you so much. I wish I knew who you were your name. But I really, really appreciate it. And I want you to know that taking the time to come back and leave a second review is just awesome. So thank you so much for that. And another very exciting thing that I want to share with you, before I get into the show is that I wasn't planning on reopening revived until mid January, maybe even February. But several people asked me about it and mentioned how much they want to start off their year with it. And so I am reopening revived. And I actually have created a couple of different packages, because some people mentioned to me that they would love to gift a month or more in the revived membership in some coaching to their loved one. So if you want to experience live coaching, learning how to self coach, understanding how the way that you think and approach your mind and your thoughts and the way that that works in your life creates the results that you have. And if you have any results in your life that you think well, I'd like to create something new or I'd like to create something different, I'd like to change that a little bit. Then you can put on your Christmas list the revived membership, and you can join the revived membership or buy it as a gift for yourself or some other survivor that you love by going to the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash gift G I F T there are several different options of memberships that you can gift to yourself or to other people. So I'm very, very excited to be able to offer that for this holiday gift giving season because it is a really meaningful thing both for you to show you love yourself and come on. Let's admit it when we're out Christmas shopping, we treat ourselves here and there I have one heck of a beautiful sequined coat coming on, I will make sure and share a picture of that arrives. But if you're going to do something for yourself, why not do something that can literally change your life, change your life in one of the most positive ways and give you tools that you will be able to use ongoing forever and ever to be able to manage your mind and your emotions and reclaim that power over yourself and the life you create. So again, you can go to the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash gift. Okay, so speaking of the holiday season, Hanukkah, Christmas, whatever holidays you might celebrate, I have seen and heard a recurring theme in the last two weeks with many of my clients. And that theme is experiencing the emotion of overwhelm. And I want to talk about that in today's show because I think this is a perfect time to talk about overwhelm. We have whatever is going on in life normally and oftentimes there's a lot going on, we tend to have very, very busy lives. So whether it is managing your household and managing work and managing your treatments and doctor's appointments, going through doctor's appointments, taking care of children, fixing dinners, getting gifts, figuring out finances, there can be a lot of things happening. And we have a tendency to say that it is those things that create the feeling of being overwhelmed. And in this show, I'm going to offer you a different perspective on that. So let's start with the definition of overwhelmed. As I started to think about this show, and I knew what I was going to talk about, I thought, what is actually the definition of overwhelm? What does it mean? Because when I say or I think overwhelmed, I think, drowning, right. And sure enough, as I look up, the definition says, buried or drowned beneath a huge mass. And so in that alone, in that definition, alone, I want you to think about it for just a sec bury or drown beneath a huge mass. Now, as we go through life with many things happening, again, many responsibilities, obligations, obligations, whether they're actual obligations or things that we tell ourselves, our obligations. This is a common language that I hear, I'm buried, I'm drowning. But in reality, obviously, we are not buried, we are not drowning, right? Because we are here we're talking about it. We're not physically and in reality buried or drowning. And yet, there's this feeling of overwhelm. I love the perspective of Dr. Heidi Hannah. She's also known as the stress detective. And she says, and I agree that there are three main components to overwhelm. And those are the demands, right? Everything that's put on us the demands that we see are the things we perceive as demands, there is the capacity for us to manage whatever those demands are. And then there's the perspective that we have of those demands. And I want to offer, I think that perspective, is the most important thing, when it comes to overwhelm the way we think about all of the demands, and our capacity to manage those demands, that the perspective is what causes us to feel the stress and the overwhelm. And here is a actually fascinating tidbit straight from Heidi Hannah. She tells us that when we believe we have the resources to handle a situation, then our brain triggers a reaction that's fueled by adrenaline. So it makes us want to get up and get things done. But when we believe that we don't have the resources that we need to handle the demands that we see, then our brain triggers a cortisol response, which is a stress hormone. And then what do we feel? Anxiety, right? The feelings of anxiety, I'm not just saying the emotion of anxiety, but we feel that in our body, maybe our heart races, maybe we feel like we can't breathe, maybe we feel like we're thinking in this fog, right, we notice that my brain is kind of frozen. And you would be right, because you have all of this stuff in your head that you're thinking about. And we're telling ourselves, I can't do all of this, I don't have the capacity to do all of this. And then you get stuck in this thought loop because you don't believe that you can handle everything that is in front of you. And as I said a minute ago, that can apply to emotions, as well as to tangible things. So it can apply to the to do list. But it can also apply to processing things that are in your life, looking at relationships, dealing with breast cancer, managing the new way you look at life, or the changes that you want to see in life, and then telling yourself, I can't take it, that's too much, right? I can't think about what I just went through because it's too much sadness, it's too much anxiety. And then you feel overwhelmed and overwhelmed in your body. Now physically may feel differently to each of us. But I know to me, my heart raises a little bit faster, right, my stomach feels a little bit tighter. And honestly, what my brain wants to do when I feel overwhelmed is scroll, Instagram, right? Get a glass of wine. So oftentimes when we have a big list of demands, and we tell ourselves, I don't have the capacity to handle these demands, these demands are too much for me. I don't have the capacity to deal with sadness and decisions and grief. I don't have the capacity to deal with the job and the work and the family. This is too much for me, then, what did we do? More often than not? Nothing. Right? Our brain has got too much stress going on. We've got too much cortisol in our body. We feel like crap. It's very difficult for us to see clearly with everything that we're looking at all of the demands. And so we turn to something else to make us feel better. And then we don't deal with all of the demands. We don't look, we don't write them down, you know, I'm big on writing them down. And I know you may think, Gosh, that's just such a small thing. What about writing them down, but I can not stress that enough to you taking all of the demands and writing them down and looking at them and saying, Are these actually demands? Do they actually have to get done? And then can I get help? Right, when we write something down, then we could look at it. And we can be more strategic and how we manage all of the things that have to get done. I don't think I've ever had a conversation with a client with a friend or even observed in myself a time where I felt overwhelmed. And then I was like, Hey, this is great. I feel overwhelmed. Let's have a great time tonight. I feel overwhelmed. I can't wait to do this. No, when we tell ourselves there's too much and that we can't handle it. And that gives us the feeling of overwhelm. We shut down. We don't deal with anything. I hear all the time. I'm just a great procrastinator. It's overwhelming, so I procrastinate. And so then what happens, all the demands get combined with more upcoming demands, and then we feel more overwhelmed. And we just perpetuate this cycle, and it can become paralyzing. I want to share a story with you here I have a very good friend. She is the mother of four children to biological to adopted, she has their foreign exchange students, I'm not sure if we call that fostered or not. But she's taken into her home for a number of years. These young men who were her two more sons, they were a part of her family. She teaches a juvenile halls. She is the youth pastor at her parents church. She is a teacher at the parents churches school. She has so many things on her plate, and so many people that she counsels and manages and supports. And we've been friends for 30 some years. So there have been a number of times when I have said to her, especially in the beginning of our relationship, you know, when are you going to take time for yourself? When are you going to take care of yourself? When are you going to slow down and take some time. And after a number of years, and really starting to listen to her. I had an epiphany. I realized one day that that's my perception of her life. If I had to live her life, holy moly. We want to go stick my head under a pillow and hide from the world. Because we're me, that is too much. That's what I tell myself, I do not have the tools and the capacity to manage all of those kids, all of those teenagers, all of their parents all of the outings. Because I wouldn't find joy in that. That to me, that's not my gig. That's not my thing. That's not where I would find my joy. But she doesn't see it that way. She lives for that truly, truly. So when she is going 24/7. And she is with all these kids, and she is supporting all these families. She's thriving, because the demands that are placed on her are numerous. The capacity she has, like any other human being is limited. But her perception is, this is blessing. I'm so lucky. This is what I love. And so the feeling she gets is fulfillment. Isn't that interesting?

13:57
So the question then isn't, how many things can you manage in life? But the question is, what do you think about all of the demands that you see in your life? When you're feeling overwhelmed? How are you looking at all of the demands that are happening around the holiday season? work, family, holidays, house, all of the things? When you think about them? What is your thought? This is a very important thing. Look at that thought and ask yourself, Am I looking at these things as burdens? Am I looking at these things as freakin scary trust me if I had to go somewhere with a busload of 35 teenagers, I would think that is scary, right? I need help. I want help here. And that is going to make the difference, a huge difference in the way that you feel about something. And in addition to this, there's two other aspects that I want to talk about. out with you. Because these come into play with overwhelm. I think they're like buddies, they're schoolyard buddies. We see things, we have demands placed on us. We tell ourselves, I don't have the capacity to do all of that. We feel overwhelmed without really stopping to think that what we're thinking about all of these demands is causing this feeling. And then we have difficulty separating facts from story. So what of these demands are actually demands that we need to handle? And what of those demands or stories you're telling yourself that you have to do? Because no one else will, or it just won't get done? Or you don't want to stress someone else out? So you'll just take care of it? Where are the stories? And where are the facts, when it comes to all of the demands, and how you tell yourself they have a role in your life. And then, when you tell yourself, that you're the one that has to do it, that you're the one that has to take care of it all, that it would be too stressful for someone else, that you don't want to be a burden by asking for help. And all of those very common thought processes, then what comes into play, buddy? Number three, self judgment, I should be able to do it all. I shouldn't feel like this. I'm not a good enough person. I should be more supportive. beating yourself up. self judgment, right? Shouldn't I be better than this? This emotionally overwhelming I can't handle it. I should be stronger than this. And that self judgment? Just ah, what? What three, I guess we could call them the hoodlums, right? Overwhelm self judgment, and storytelling. So I call them schoolyard buddies before, but now we're gonna call them the neighborhood hood lens. When those three come together, and they are in your mind, your mind is going a mile a minute, going over all the demands, feeling the overwhelm, telling yourself the stories, and then judging yourself for not being good enough? And what do you end up with a bigger glass of wine, more overwhelm, and more shame, more disappointment, feeling terrible about yourself, and not enjoying your life, not enjoying the moment you're in. Like I said earlier, when you're feeling overwhelmed, you're not in a happy place, right? We normally are short, tempered, irritable, we're not showing up as the people we want to be. So what do you do here? What do you do when you're in the overwhelm? And so as a result of being in the overwhelm, you're really not doing anything, but being kind of crabby, and feeling really bad. The very first thing I want to offer is to stop is to literally stop when you notice that and you notice how deep you are in the overwhelm, to stop. And as I mentioned a minute ago, write down everything that's on your mind. Every demand, you're thinking of every overwhelming emotion you're thinking you have to deal with, write it all down and get it on a piece of paper. Because when you see it, then you can look at it. And again, you can approach it with a strategy. You can ask yourself now you can bring that other hoodlum in and look at him and say, what part of this am I telling myself? That is not true. But I'm telling myself it's so fervently that I actually believe it. But is there a fact here? Is it a fact that I can't ask for help? Because I shouldn't be stressing someone else out? Is that a fact? Or is that a story you're telling yourself? There's so much to uncovering that. And then looking at also getting that out of your mind and looking at what you tell yourself about why you can or can't do it. If I don't do this, I'm not a good enough mom. If I don't get I mean, this is the time of year right? I can remember when my kids were little. This is the time of year when my kids were growing up. I was in retail and I managed multiple locations for different companies. And, of course, this was an extremely busy time of year. So between managing the busiest season at work, managing my young children and managing the holidays, I would wake up with nightmares around this time of year about waking up on Christmas morning and there was not a single present under the tree. That's how stressed out I was. And if you're listening to this podcast and you're like me, I know that your health is a priority. Supporting your healing is a priority and thinking about something and stressing yourself out to the point where you're having nightmares about it is not serving you. And so this is a great question to ask, when you start to look at how, what is my thought here? Look at my demands? How do I see them? What am I telling myself about them? And how is what I'm telling myself serving me. Because I can tell you that back in that day when I was so stressed out, and I was having nightmares about waking up on Christmas morning with nothing under the tree, I was so caught up in my head, and telling myself, I had to do it all. It was on me, I was supposed to be able to get it all done. And I wish I would have known then what I know now to understand that it just wasn't serving me. And that asking for help and support is okay, and that cutting back and only doing what absolutely has to be done is also okay in reexamining the burdens that we put on ourselves. Because it is never the circumstances that are causing the feeling of overwhelm. It's always what we tell ourselves about it. You know, we just came out of a Thanksgiving holiday. I love Thanksgiving. I love cooking. I love having people over for foods. So Thanksgiving is my ideal holiday. And I have a sister who Thanksgiving would be her worst nightmare. So if we take the same circumstance and say, prepare Thanksgiving dinner for 35 people, me, my heart glows, I light up ooh, I can't wait, my sister. Where's the vodka, right? She doesn't want to have anything to do with it. So it isn't the circumstance that is creating the feeling. It is what you're telling yourself about it. This solution then is going to be different for everybody. But the process is the same. The process is to create awareness. Because otherwise, we're just going to be in that overwhelm. And justifying that overwhelm, which is totally easy to justify. And many people the example I gave you, my friend, many people would look at her and say, Oh, holy moly, I would be totally overwhelmed by that. And so we just allow it and we say yes. And then we sit in it. And we indulge in that overwhelm. And it never gets us to a place that we want to be. It never serves us when we stay there. So when you're listening to this podcast, if you listen when it first comes out, then you're going to be listening to it on December 10. And ask yourself, How do you want to feel for the rest of this holiday season? If you're already in overwhelm, or if you notice overwhelmed come up, how do you want to feel and then take a step back and look at this process. In look at this feeling of overwhelm. Look at the stories versus the facts. And look at the resistance and the self judgment that come into play. The can't change anything that is under the demand category. You can definitely address the three HUD loans and in doing so lessen that feeling of overwhelm and have a much more enjoyable experience in your life. And if you need help with that you want help with that you want support and you want coaching with that you can go to the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash gift and give yourself the gift of a revived membership so that you can get the support you want and helping you manage those three HUD loans or put it on your Christmas list and have someone else give you that gift of support and love. All right. I will talk to you again next week my friend and until then please be good to yourself and expect others to be good to you as well. Take care

23:51
courage to the test laid all your doubts your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting more your futures given all you know has you been waiting on