#71 How to Create the Space for Positive Growth in Your Life

In this episode, we talk about taking care of all your lady parts, including your mind.  

In honor of National Cervical Cancer Awareness Month, you’ll hear about why it's important to keep up your schedule of well-woman exams from a cervical cancer survivor, my sister, Kristie Wood. 

Then we get into the meat of what this show is all about…the clutter in your mind and in your life that you need to let go of in order to create space for the flow of positive thoughts, experiences, and change. 

If you keep your life and your mind cluttered with limiting beliefs or a clogged environment, you don’t leave space for change to even begin. 

So how do you move past the pain and trauma of surviving and move into the space of creativity and growth? Listen to find out. 

Some of the goodness you’ll hear: 

-Why prioritizing self-care isn’t selfish 

-How to feel more confident about yourself 

-The difference between spending on yourself and investing in yourself 

-How looking good on the outside leads to feeling good on the inside 

-The truth about the work required to create change in your life 

This is an episode you don’t want to miss. 

Resources: 

Follow Kristie on Facebook 

Read the transcript:

0:00
This is Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm a healthy lifestyle coach, a clinical Ayurveda specialist, a personal trainer, and I'm also a breast cancer survivor. In this podcast, we talk about healthy thinking and mindfulness practices, eating well, moving your body for health and longevity. And we'll also hear from other breast cancer survivors who have reengaged with life, and have incredible stories to share. This podcast is your go to resource for getting back to life after breast cancer.

0:37
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. And I have a very special show for you today with a very special guest today. But before I introduce you to her, I want to bring up some important facts because January is national cervical cancer awareness month. And Cervical cancer is the second most common cancer affecting women. Yeah, you guessed it, breast cancer is the first and skin cancer is right up there. But skin cancer affects everybody. So specific to females breast and cervical cancer. So if you're listening to the show, I'm gonna go ahead and put money on the fact that you either have had or do have breast cancer and you're a woman. So we need to be aware of these facts because it's really important that we understand how to take care of ourselves and some of the risk factors. So here's a couple of quick facts about cervical cancer. So Cervical cancer is one of those cancers that is caused commonly by a virus, and that virus is HPV Human Papilloma Virus. Some cancers are not caused by a virus or bacteria, but it's important to understand that some are and because Cervical cancer is caused by HPV or can be can be caused by HPV, it's really important that you get regular pap smears because regular pap smears can decrease a woman's chances of developing cervical cancer by five times. So that's important because abnormal cells can be detected, HPV can be detected and then it can be treated and watched very closely before the time passes that will allow it to progress into becoming cancer. Women who smoke are two times more at risk for cervical cancer than women who don't smoke. So it's important to understand taking care of your health on that level as well. Use of contraceptives can be a factor in cervical cancer, as can sexually transmitted infections like chlamydia, and herpes. So we want to be very aware of the risks of cervical cancer and make sure that you're getting regular pap smears. Now there is a vaccination for HPV, which is something especially you want to encourage your daughters or the younger women in your life to get out there and get that HPV vaccination. And that is also something that can help to reduce your risk of cervical cancer.

3:30
So because we are talking about cervical cancer, and because I have a sister who is a survivor of cervical cancer, I have asked her to be a guest on today's show. And I did it and this is my sister Christy. I didn't invite Christie to be a guest just because she was a cervical cancer survivor. But I invited her to be a guest. Because what we're going to talk about today is kind of with this whole theme that's been going on over the month of January of creating the life that you want. And when we're talking about creating the life that you want, and the impact that surviving cancer has on your desire to create that life.

4:13
We have to look at some of the things that are going on with what's in our life, how we think about our life, how we think about ourselves. And we go back to some previous podcasts and also talk about how we structure our life right so these other these last two podcasts for January will give you some information on setting up a system for success. But today is really focused on one important fact. And that is the clutter you have in your mind. And the things you think about yourself that holds you back from creating the life that you want.

4:48
And I know Christy has worked a lot as I have over the years to overcome these things and to surround ourselves with other people who are very full

5:00
guessed on overcoming those thought patterns that keep you stuck and hold you back from creating the life that you want. So without making you wait any longer, I am going to introduce you to by baby sister Christie. And we're going to hear some insights from her also, from her experience with cervical cancer to just elevate that awareness a little more before we dig into this topic. All right, here we go. Christy, thank you for coming back for the second time that you're a guest on the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. Thanks for being here. Thank you for having me. Yeah, of course. So I just talked a little bit about cervical cancer being that January is the cervical cancer awareness month, and talked about some statistics and how especially Cervical cancer is the second most common cancer affecting women, which is huge. And I would wonder, you know, what was your experience? Or what insight might you have for women, not even just for themselves, but for their daughters and their mothers and their sisters? What would you tell people that you've learned from, from your experience and from your diagnosis?

6:13
Well, I mean, so this month for me actually is the year, January 10, was a year since my diagnosis. So that's kind of ironic that it's the month of cervical cancer to cervical cancer awareness. But for me, I mean, like, you know, you and I have talked about it prior that it happens so fast for me. I went in had my annual pap, which I wasn't faithful with having yearly and I had gone almost, I was almost at a three year mark when I had it. And

6:44
and that's how old are you? And how old were you at that time? Christy? I was 4747. Okay, yeah. So that's I went in and just, you know, annual pap got the results and found out that I had cervical cancer and not what I was expecting to hear. I mean, no, no sign of anything, you know, no, bleeding, no pain, nothing. So

7:10
I was fortunate enough to just have surgery and have a hysterectomy, which everybody should have a hysterectomy. I say that every time it's amazing.

7:20
It's an amazing, no work periods. It's amazing.

7:26
But I'm crazy. But um, yeah, I mean, I would just suggest like staying on top of it. And now I am with my daughter too. I mean, even with my OBGYN who's one of my very good friends. It was a year ago that she diagnosed me and she was like, I need to get in and get my pap. And just a week ago, she was like I finally made my appointment. Because in life, we're just so busy, right? I mean, we're busy. We all have jobs and kids and family. And it needs to be a priority, it needs to be something that is on your calendar that you have set that you get your checkups. Yeah. And I think that's a really good point that you made that you didn't have any symptoms, you were completely asymptomatic, yet you had the tumor on the cervix, you had also had spread into the uterus. So it doesn't have to be cancer, it doesn't have to be symptomatic to be present. And oftentimes by the time it becomes symptomatic. That's because it's really progressed really far. Right. So that's why we have our Well, women shots. And for many, many people listening to the show, for me, I didn't mind wasn't found at a woman chat. But I did find myself by just taking care of our bodies in that way. And being very diligent about our health and our wellness, making ourselves a priority and treating ourselves with that sense of importance and priority. It's okay to take a day off because you have to go get a Pap smear, if that's what has to happen, right? It was important enough. Yeah. Right. And then you can have lunch in a margarita after

9:07
that too.

9:10
But actually, so this opens us up, I think it's a good segue into what we're really talking about. So the first podcast of January, we talked, I talked about setting up a system, having the process for achieving your goals, because if you just say I'm going to achieve this goal, it's never gonna happen. You got to sit back, spend some time create a process and take baby steps towards the achievement of that. And then I talked about how you can how important exercise is and how you set up that process for a regular physical movement, physical activity program in your life. So for me, this show is an extension of that, because we're going to talk about how you sometimes have to let things go to allow new things in. And I think it's a great topic for the first of the year, but I also think it's a great

10:00
A topic for being survivors, and for finishing cancer treatment, transitioning back into life, having a different perspective, having been through that experience, and maybe wanting to create something new in your life, whatever that might be, whether it's an exercise program or a business, or, you know, a travel portfolio, or whatever it might be, that you sometimes have to let things go to allow new things in. Right? It's like if your house if your house is all a clutter, I mean, we've all seen that show hoarders, right? If everything is full and messy, we feel like the French way just isn't right, you know, the energy around us, right, you need to have things cleaned up, you need to have things orderly. And it's the same kind of thing in your mind. And in your life as a whole. If there's things that are holding you back. And we're going to talk about one thing in particular. And they're, they're just not just keeping you stuck, but I guess filling a space in your life. But you want this other thing that's really great and exciting and wonderful, you want to feel happy, you're not feeling happy, is there something you have to get rid of let go of, to allow and create that space in your life, for happiness to come in.

11:25
So

11:28
as a cancer survivor, I know when I finished treatment, I had that shift in perspective, from I got all the time in the world to Holy shit, I can be dead tomorrow, I gotta get on this, I gotta make my life happen like now, because now is all I have in life. And I made a decision to start a business that served and supported breast cancer survivors. But in order to make that business happen, there was a lot of stuff I had to let go of, there was a lot of my social life I had to let go of, there was a lot of things I like to spend money on that I had to read budget, and spend money on my business and invest in it to make it happen. And

12:12
you and I Christie have talked a lot about this as well. When you start to create something in your life,

12:20
you need that support system around you of people who are open to change, right? Who are supportive of change. And so sometimes, creating the life you want means taking an inventory of where you're at, and letting go of things that are clogging up that space that is preventing you from allowing the things to flow into your life that you want.

12:48
So

12:51
when you went through a lot in 2019, so you're diagnosed with cancer in the beginning of January, and you went through that process of like we all do, you're thrown into this world, and what does that terminology mean? And that and what cut this out and get this out? And what does it mean? And, you know, waiting for all the diagnostics, but after that, and getting back to life? What do you think? What is?

13:16
How did that impact you in the sense of looking at what you wanted your life to be like? And what did you have to let go of, to allow that energy to flow in your life? Well, I mean, I'll just be really open and honest. I mean, obviously, you know, everything I went through, I mean, you're my sister, but yeah, no one else does. So I'll just share because I am an open book. But prior to being diagnosed, my marriage was definitely on the rocks. And so when I did get the diagnosis, to me, I was just like, seriously, like one more thing that I have to handle right now because I had so much on my plate with my marriage falling apart. And it was caught so early, and I just had the mindset of this is going to be a speed bump for me. I'm just gonna get through this. There's no way God is going to leave my kids. And my ex is now

14:13
No way. Although we love him still, he's a good person. But we had a turn on a podcast we'll never listen to.

14:22
So that's what we're talking about. Yeah, and I love him very much so but what I'm saying is, you know it just to me it kind of like I've shared with you prior to is I didn't even feel like I had cancer. I just like got a diagnosis had surgery done. And then I had to take care of all these other things, but I mean, I did I did have it. I did hear those words. I did cry. I did think Holy crap. It's gonna happen. I mean, I've already had two siblings that have had cancer like nobody else in our family is gonna get it. What No, yeah, you know, this is crazy. But definitely once it was done

15:00
I was very aware of my situation even more so and exactly what you were talking about earlier about having to get rid of that negative energy and the clutter that surrounds us. And in the house where we were living,

15:16
it was chaos, that, you know, my husband just had a lot of friends over people in and out of the house. And I could never progress in my business, I could never grow and learn because I just constant chaos, like I didn't belong anywhere in that house. And I did have to give up a lot. And I had to make the decision that you know what, this isn't working for me, not just,

15:41
and I had to set a better example for my children, that this isn't the way that we should be living, we need to have calm and peace and,

15:49
and it was hard, I gave up a lot. I didn't mean I walked away or left it, you know, 23 year relationship, I left the home that we built together. And I had to go back to full time work that I had stopped doing for three years and put my business I was building on the backburner. But in the end,

16:14
I mean, the happiness that I feel now is incredible. You know, and

16:19
I mean, it's hard, it's hard what I've gone through, but I wouldn't change it. And I see the changes in my kids and, and the progress. And it's just, it's a lot of fear, it's a lot of fear that holds us back and on the other side of fear is growth, you know, and,

16:37
and I,

16:39
it just, it definitely opens my eyes to

16:43
just making these changes and being a better person and living for me, because this isn't my life. It's not my husband's life. It's not a kid's life, it's mine. And it's inside, I'm not happy things need to change. And I did have to give up a lot going back to work full time. I mean, you know, I had, I was working out like crazy. I didn't get a workout two days a week. I mean, you know, I had to or two times a day is what I want to say not two times a week, but two times a day and my lunches with my girlfriends and the flexibility. You know, I'm back to nine, five.

17:20
And so now my workouts are at 545. Like we were at, you know, doing spin class this morning. 545. Horrible.

17:29
It's been classes awesome. It is, man.

17:34
But you have to make those changes and, and making the transition of leaving my relationship and getting into my own place and decorating my own place. You know, it's a lot of work. And just within this last month, I've really been like, Okay, I need my workout back in. So what am I going to do, it needs to be on a schedule, it needs to be in my calendar. And things have to happen in order to make it work.

17:57
So and sometimes we have to give up that glass of wine in the evening to be able to get up early to get in the workout before the day starts. And you're absolutely right. And that's something I've been working on to because yeah, through all this transition, there's definitely been some nights where alcohol has won. And in the morning, I wake up and I'm like, oh, yeah, there's no way I'm working out right now. You know? Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, that's been a transition to? Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you know, who doesn't we'd love to come home. And oftentimes, we come into routines and habits. And that might be I come home, and I like to sit down and have a glass of wine or a couple glasses of wine or whatever, and visit with the family. And so then we say, Oh, I can't get up early. I'm too tired to get up. If that is habit,

18:46
then it's something to look at and say if I eliminated that during the week, would I be able to create an exercise routine earlier in the morning?

18:55
Some of those things, but I think I want to touch on to make sure that all the listeners know that we're not encouraging everybody to go out and file for divorce. That was that was that was my own personal story. That was your experience. Right? But But no, it's a very good point you're making in your case, that was your experience. And you knew that the dynamics of that relationship, were very crushing. And in order to lift that burden and feel some lightness, you had to make that change. So you know, talking about moving into a new year, creating a life that you want. That's not always easy. When you make that change. That's very hard and painful. This is a person you care about a lot. I still do. You still do. Right? And you put a lot of effort into making sure it's a positive experience for everyone involved, but also had to tolerate judgment. Right, other people judging that decision and absolutely your life and how are you going to judging your finances and all of those things? So I think it's important that we acknowledge when we want

20:00
To set goals, create systems create change in our life is never easy. And I mentioned this quote to you earlier, Christy, but there's the Tibetan monk tick, non Han has this quote that I love. And it says, to be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others, you need to accept yourself. Yes. And I want to talk about that because I think one of the biggest clutters and one of the most difficult things to overcome, is the way we think about ourselves and accepting ourselves. And I especially think as for breast cancer survivors, with the change in your body as a cervical cancer survivor, you know, you had to have a lot of surgery, you had to have all your female parts removed and beyond hormone therapies. Now you were older and already had your children, but from a habit that can be very traumatic as well. Absolutely. So it's important that we work on that mindset. So when I say creating space in your life, for positive things to flow, I don't just mean in your house in your closet, given away your old shoes. I mean, in your head, in the way you think about yourself and judge yourself. So I hear this all the time. And Christy, you are stylist, I know you hear this all the time. So something that really, really bothers me and I've talked about it before on the show, is when I hear a breast cancer survivor say well, I'll never find a relationship again, who's going to love me now.

21:39
In November, I did the cancer survivor show on Jubilee media. And one of the young women in that show was asked to she's a single woman, and she was asked by a man Well, who's gonna want to be in a relationship with you now that you're damaged goods?

21:58
Yeah, infuriating, right? The sad thing is not what he said, because he's just a dipshit. But that a lot of women, we do that to ourselves. We think that about ourselves. So I want to hear from your experience, you work with women all the time, your style is you teach people how to dress, you sold great clothes, and I have a closet full of in, let's talk about that. How do you help women get past some of these common beliefs of I don't deserve that. Because I'm

22:35
just gonna say that I'm because I'm 10 pounds too heavy. Right now I'm on a diet, I'm not going to buy this size pair of pants because I don't like the way that I feel right now. And I just always say like, don't you need to feel good, where you are right now in your life? I mean, none of us know, if we're going to have tomorrow, none of us, right? So you want to wear a pair of pants that are too tight and that you can barely breathe in? Or would you rather put on a pair of pants, you're comfortable fit you well, and you feel good about yourself? You know, and it's just you have to be comfortable where you are. I mean, you know, I had lost a lot of weight and I've put it back on. But like talking about what I like to have gone through this last year and getting rid of negative energy in my life. I feel so much more confident in myself, even though I'm bigger. And now I have these six scars across my stomach, which when I came out of surgery, I'm like, really? Like, isn't there like a bikini line rule? Like what is this? You know, like, so I got my belly button. And, you know, this summer I was like worried about it too. I'm like, have these scars across my stomach. But, you know, it's, it's me. It's what's happened to me, and I just I can't let it go. I can't let those things drag me down. And I hear just the other day I was talking to somebody and I was telling her Oh, and you get those clothes. I want you to take a picture of yourself and I posted on my Instagram. And right away the comment was, Oh, nobody wants to see me and my frizzy hair and my pimply faced. I'm like, no, stop, stop. Why? Why do we need to say negative things like you're a beautiful person, you're healthy, healthy, happy, you make me laugh all the time. Like, let's talk about those things. I mean, that is so important to be comfortable in our own skin no matter where we are. This is all we have today is it's in so you know constantly just beating ourselves up, that you're never going to grow. You're never going to learn you have to be confident and just who you are.

24:40
Yeah, and accepting and going back to that quote and going back to the idea of clearing the clutter. Yes, we have to clear the clutter every single day. So think about that because you clean your house. Unfortunately, it's going to be a mess in a couple days. If you don't keep putting your stuff away every time you come home. Absolutely.

25:00
At the same with our minds, it is a constant work in progress. It is a daily effort to wake up and say, Oh, whatever my hair doesn't, you know, look great today. So what your hair looks fine, messy hair is the thing. Now it's a trend, you know, who cares. But

25:20
looking at yourself in a way where you see that beauty in you and you acknowledge, it's kind of like thinking about the difference between what I can do versus what I can't do, right. So we could all sit here and look at what's not great about us and get stuck in thinking, I don't deserve a better life. I don't deserve to wear nice clothes, I don't deserve to spend money on myself. I don't deserve a nice supportive partner in my life. Because I've had my breasts removed, or I can't have children anymore, or any of these things. And we have to stop valuing ourselves on just the appearance of a physical body. And the self doubt that most of the time isn't even true. Right? Well, I just think it's, if your girlfriend said that she you're like, I don't deserve, I don't deserve to be in a relationship. Because you know, I had to have my breasts removed, wouldn't you be like, Are you kidding me? Like you're a beautiful person, you know? So like, think of what you would tell your friend, why not say those exact same things to yourself? Why are we so hard on ourselves? You know, I mean, you, you wouldn't wish that on anybody else. So you should do anything for you. And I listened to, you know, Oprah Winfrey, Super Soul podcast and love that podcast. So good. So good. And I heard her say the other day that as soon as she opens her eyes, in the morning, she just says thank yous. And I've started doing that this last like week. And, you know, instead of reaching for my phone, and, you know, turn off the alarm, oh, who, who's on Instagram, who will who message me what's happening? You know, I turn off the alarm, I set it down. And I'm like, Thank you, thank you for letting me wake up. You know, thank you for letting me stretch, thank you for you know, the workout that I'm gonna go to thank you, for my family, just, whatever, thank you for allowing me to have a job that I go to, you know, and make this money. And it really helps to just be grateful and be present in my life. And, and it just helps to, like clear that clutter in my head like, I have a lot, you know, and, and believe me, like, I've had a lot of changes, and I'm struggling to do what I need to do. But I have a lot. And we all have a lot. And we need to be present and thankful and appreciate what we have and wish, what we would wish on everybody else for ourselves. That's how I try to think of it.

27:54
Absolutely. I love that. And what did mom always told us that as the golden rule, and we're going to do it to others as you would have them do unto you. Right?

28:03
And so you kind of flip that do to yourself as you would do to someone else. Yeah. Never say half the shit. You say to yourself to another human being ever. And I love what you said, because like last week, I did a Facebook Live on that I'm thinking abundantly. And you have to acknowledge every little thing in your life as a part of that practice of gratitude. So I've had that same practice. And so let's just start off with the fact I have the most comfortable bed ever. My bed is really cozy in mind right now. It's pretty amazing.

28:42
I, when I wake up every morning, that's my first thought. And it's a practice that I've done for a long time to say, thank you for this warm, safe, comfortable bed. Like a lot of people don't have a safe place to sleep, but I do. And we have to remember that we have all of these abundances in our life.

29:06
And when we acknowledge those things that are abundant, we may still want more. I mean, I want more. There's a lot more I want to accomplish in life. But while I'm working towards what I want to accomplish, I never want to forget to say, but wow, look at how far I've already come. Much I've already done. Look at how fortunate I am to have a safe life and the body that heals itself. And the ability. Yes, some people here. Okay, I get up at 435 o'clock in the morning like oh my god. But I think How fortunate Am I that this body of mine that's been on this planet for nearly 60 years now can get up every day and get out there on a spin bike and get into the gym and lift weights and have that strength? Yes. So we've got to clear that clutter of IKEA

30:00
And I won't, and at least allow that space for change or ideas have changed to just percolate a little bit. You know, you may really want to do something, whether it's start a business, go on a trip, write a book, whatever, whatever, learn how to surf, I don't know learn how to ski. And then say, No, I can't do it. Or I don't want to spend, you know, and I don't like to say, I don't want to spend the money on me, do you want to invest the money into you? Do you want to invest that money into your joy? Do you want to invest that money into your growth?

30:35
Because I think as women, we have a big hang up there. So I got to spend the money on me, Well, is it investing in something that's going to bring you more happiness is going to invest in something that's going to cause you to feel competent, which, in my opinion, confidence equals beauty. Absolutely, and, and embrace the life you want to create for yourself.

30:54
And if you're not investing in yourself, and you're not bettering yourself, you're not going to be a good wife, a good mom, a good sister, I mean, you're not going to be happy in your own skin and is so important to take care of yourself first, before you can take care of anybody else. That is just an uh, you know, it's taken me into my 40s to really learn that, but it's true. I mean, for so long, you know, it's, oh, I can't do that. Because, you know, the kids have this or, you know, I gotta be home, I gotta make dinner, I gotta do this. But you know, what, if you don't make dinner, everybody survives, you know, figure out a way to eat? Yeah, they will figure out a way to eat or you know, what, prep some food and you know what, it's in the refrigerator. But I mean, I, you know, in my 40s, is when I started doing jujitsu, and that's when I was like, I need this in my life, the confidence that it gave me and, and I think it's, it was good for my kids to see me. Oh, no, you know, and like this change that happened to me, and I want them to know, like, No, you you should be independent, there's something you want to do you go for it, you know. And, again, you have to give up things in order to do that, right. And you have to switch things around to make it happen so that that schedule can work with the family schedule. Right. And I so 100%, there was a huge change in you when you began to practice Jiu Jitsu. And I know you like me are huge fans of Rachel Hollis, who yes, preaches. Move your body change your mind? Yes. And, and I am 100%, an advocate of that when you begin a regular physical activity program, you feel stronger, you feel more confident. Yes. And it's a physical exercise, but it changes you spiritually, emotionally. It gives you more strength to do the things you want to do in your life. And you said something, and I said something to about our age. So I want to touch on that. Because part of clearing the clutter to create the life that you want, is to drop this shit of I'm too old for that. Absolutely, no, I am alive. And as long as I live and breathe, I have a life. And I can create that life in whatever way I want it to look like. So what is the age limit to living a life? There is what age are we supposed to just check out go? Alright, I'm just gonna sit here on sidelines now and just wait to kick the bucket?

33:22
No, I'm gonna slide and

33:24
be like, I don't make sense, right? It doesn't make sense. yet. I understand. It's, you know, it is a very common belief. And I hear this all the time. Well, should I invest in myself? I'm already old. Who cares? You know? You care. And that's the point. You care. You want this in your life, whatever it is. You want a facelift. You want a trip to Hawaii, whatever it is that you want. If you're alive, you're not too old for it. Yeah, you're here for a reason. Live it? Yeah. So I'll share a story with you and with everybody that so I had a really good friend of mine. We've been friends for like 30 years. You know her Christina Lena was over here one time. And my second son who's you know, in his 30s was over here visiting and my friend and I were getting ready to go out to lunch or something. And we were doing our hair we're putting on our makeup. And you know, he was waiting for us, of course. And he was like, Why do you guys even care?

34:28
And we both looked at him. Like, what? Because we're both married? Because we're both over 50. Right. And he was just like, who cares what you look like? I do. Yeah, we both we do it. I care what I look like, Okay, I care. I feel good about myself when I look like this. What age is that? Cut off? You're 35 I'm 56 Where's the cutoff? Is it 40? Is it 36? When should I stop giving a shit about myself?

35:00
So that is probably the biggest clutter that I think holds people back from accomplishing goals from feeling competent enough to pursue their goals for looking at life, and saying, This isn't the life I want. That's the life I want. But I guess I don't really deserve that. Because

35:20
I'm overweight. My hair's too frizzy. I'm over 50, whatever, whatever, whatever. Well, sorry, no, go ahead. That what you just said to like, living the life I want or the relationship, I will say, for a long time, in my marriage, I'd be like, I would be like, do you have some really good English, but

35:44
I was never invited to speak like that.

35:50
I would just think like,

35:53
I would think you like, I don't know that I, I can do that. I don't know that I deserve to have that life that I that I have in my head, like I was unhappy. And I knew what I wanted. But I was like, I don't think I can ever have that. Because this is who I married. And I made a commitment. And I have kids, and this is how it's supposed to be. But at what point? Do you go, Oh, my gosh, but I'm so unhappy inside. And this is killing me. You know, I need to move on. And so

36:23
I mean, that's just, it's so important to take care of us. I know. I don't know if I'm kind of drifting from what you were talking about. But it just, I think as women, we just, we, we put everybody else first, and we have to come first as and, you know, I have some girlfriends because I mean, this is kind of age 4547. Right, like your kids are grown. They're moving out. You look at your husband like, oh, what's what's happening?

36:51
You know, some people are really vacant, and it's great. Others don't. Yeah, and I've had a couple of friends who are my age, and they're so deathly afraid of like, you know, who's gonna date me? Just gonna date me. I'm almost 50 I'm like, a lot of people are gonna want to date you. Are you kidding me? Like, you're a beautiful person, you know? And everybody has it. Can I just add? Who are you gonna want to date girl?

37:15
Who gives a crap? Right? Exactly. Yeah.

37:19
Exactly. Yeah. So you yourself more? Yeah. It's so important. So important. And, and I will say, you know,

37:30
our brother passed away from cancer. That was horrible. I was 21. When that happened. I was 40 when dad died, that was horrible. Watching you go through cancer was horrible. Making the decision to leave, that my marriage was absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done with those three other horrible things that I had to go through. Right. And, and again, I'm not advocate advocating divorce, I'm just saying, I had to do what I had to do for me, and to set a better example for my children to have what being happy and healthy looks like. And that was my path. And now they're seeing me, you know, my mom works her ass off. You know, my mom gets up every day, she goes to work, she has another job. Now she started bartending school, because why the hell not because I can great time doing it. You know, and because of that hustle, we have what we have in our life, like I walked into my house 30 I'm like, this was mine. I pay for it. This is mine. And I love it. And it's because I valued myself enough to make these hard, hard decisions. But on the other side of it was really good.

38:40
So a lot of people might say in clearing that clutter,

38:44
in letting go of what we women always, or often not always often view as our first obligation to take care of everybody else. Yes.

38:57
And if I don't take care of everybody else first, then I'm selfish.

39:03
So selfishness, is by definition, selfishness is taking care of yourself at the detriment of someone else.

39:13
But we know that taking care of yourself is to the benefit of everyone around you. Absolutely. I love what you said a little while ago, and it's so true. Like, would you rather squeeze into a pair of pants that's too small for you. And then you feel like shit about yourself because you have them all day. And you're uncomfortable. Like you're driving home and sipping your pants. And you can't wait until you get home or like I was, you know, these pants. You don't feel good about yourself. You felt uncomfortable the whole day. The whole you know what, come on. I'm gonna buy the next size up. Because it fits. Yeah. If that's the size gonna look good. And like I tell my customers, you know, if you want I'll cut the tag out. Like it's just a number. It's just a number. Who cares? You

40:00
Know it's feeling confident. And when you're, when you're dressed, you know, you feel good, you feel confident you, you walk with your head held high, you know you feel good. And people notice you and gives you confidence. And so you need to be comfortable in your own skin, okay, you know your size 12 Now your size 12, whatever it is,

40:23
except it. And you know, maybe, maybe in six months, you might not be maybe you'll you know, you'll be the size you want to be. But right now, you need to be comfortable in your own skin, and being grateful for where you are in your life. So instead of having that attitude of, I'm not going to invest this money in myself, to get this next size up of pants.

40:45
It's, I'm going to invest this money in myself because I deserve to feel good and comfortable. Yeah, whatever size I am,

40:53
whatever size I am. And you're right, like if if you make a choice, that it's important to you to lose weight, and you lose that weight, you find Christy, she'll give you all kinds of websites.

41:05
And the thing is, is when you you know you lose that weight, you know, you're gonna buy another pair of pants, you're gonna be like, Oh my god, I got these bands, and you know, they're a single digit, whatever it is, and you can donate those sides, those larger size to somebody that needs them, somebody that can afford it and needs to feel comfortable for that day. I mean, and you know, better somebody another woman's life. Yeah, exactly, exactly. I love that. So the moral of this podcast, we're still in January, we're looking at creating a year of a life that we want it's first steps to those lives. We've got, we talked about systems, we talked about moving your body so that you can change your mind, you feel strong and feel competent. And now it's time for some spring cleaning, to get that clutter out of your head.

41:58
Those thoughts of I don't deserve it, I'm not worth it. I'm not good enough, I can't do it. Trust me,

42:06
you can do it. Anything you decide to do, you can do it, it's not going to be easy. You may need support and help along the way.

42:15
Right. But if you keep putting one foot in front of the other consistently, and you keep overcoming the hurdles, I came to tell you, so this is 2020. So for it's been five years now that I've been working towards building this business, and I had no idea how to begin. So I but I just said I know what I want. I know I want to reach these women. I know, these women need to come together we need to hear we're not alone in recovering from cancer. And all the things we go through. And I had zero ideas like what is the first step? So my first step was, well, gosh, I guess I find someone else who built a business for themselves. Right? So whatever it is in your life, somebody else has probably done it, or some version of it. So find them and say how did you do that? Right? Right, that right? First step. So you got and, and it's never done every day. And even when I look back at how far I've come, and I get emails and I get DMS of other women who say Hey, Laura, I want to be a health coach. Hey, Laura, I, you know, they're survivors too. And they'll reach out to and say, I want to coach breast cancer survivors. What's my first step? What can I do? When these people reach out to me, I realized, wow, I've really come a long way. But no matter how far I come, I'm not where I want to be yet. You know, I have so many goals for myself and for my business and so many women I want to reach. So I all the time has to keep overcoming my self doubt.

43:54
Am I ready for this next step? Oh my God, that's a big commitment. Am I really ready for that? Is that going to work? You know, are people gonna want to hear this? I'm launching a new course in February. I've invested a lot of time and money in videos and whatever supports and things like that. But along the way, there's a lot of self doubt. And that's okay. It's a natural thing.

44:16
When you're creating a life that you want, when you're transitioning back into life as a different and changed person after cancer treatments.

44:26
It's going to be a constant day today reassuring yourself that you're worth investing in yourself. Absolutely. And something that you said to Laura, I just a couple things that I just want to touch on. When you said it's gonna be hard. I think that's something that people just need to remember. Like, everybody wants a quick fix. It is hard to get to where you need to be and you have to put in the work and some days really suck. But if you don't put in that work, you're never going to get to that next plateau and

45:00
And, and something else too. Like there's never an end. There's never a Okay, got here. Done. Yeah, check, you know, you get here and they're like alright, well cool now I've opened this door, and now this door is open. So which way am I gonna go? You know, and and then you just grow and that's how you get bigger like you said you didn't even know what you were gonna do five years ago and look at where you've come now it's incredible. I mean, you building this amazing business. So it's hard and it's hard work, but that's what gets us to where we need to be. And something else too, like the self doubt and the chaos in our head. Instead of saying like, well, what if I do that, and I fell? What if I do that and it doesn't work out? What if, what if you say, what if I do that and I succeed? What if I do that? And it's amazing. And it takes me to where I want to be you know, what if that next door opens? I mean, I think that's, you know, flipping those words and

45:53
you know, not being sorry for

45:57
Okay, we're gonna we're gonna we're gonna share our story here. Go ahead, Christy. Good. Laura gave me a necklace.

46:04
It says not sorry. Because I have a habit of saying sorry, sorry. And I was sharing the other day that you know, I'll be walking down the hall and somebody's walking at me. And I'll say, oh, sorry, sorry. I'm like, What am I sorry for for friggin taking up space in the world. I mean, I'm allowed to walk down the hallway. So I was sharing this with somebody else. And they said maybe should replace the word. Sorry, with Thank you. So I'm working on that. But, but it's those little, you know, just little games that we play in our head. So next time I if I see somebody in the hall, I'm gonna say thank you. Thank you for scooting over or whatever. Like, I'm not sorry that I'm walking. I'm in the same hallway. Yeah, sorry. I'm grateful that I have this body that can walk down the hall in my cute shoes, right.

46:59
So anyways, those are the things I want to touch on.

47:03
Okay, I love it. Well, hopefully you've got a little more awareness to some cervical cancer in the month of January. And if you are listening, and you have not had a Pap smear, go get your Pap smear and clear your mind. And do know you did it. So we can see how many people went in? Got it? Yeah, do that said yeah. And say, You know what? I cleared some of that gunk out of my mind. And here is the space I opened. What are you allowing to flow? And I think to add before we close for me, what keeps me going, when it's really hard to keep going? Is I don't just think I'm building a business, I think, Who is the woman out there that hasn't heard my message yet? Where is the breast cancer survivor on the face of this planet that needs to hear this message. And no, she's not alone. And that's what keeps me going. When I feel stuck when I feel frustrated. And when it costs a lot of money. When it takes a lot of time. I think I have have made a commitment to be of service to these people. And I know someone out there needs that. And I know it's the same for you and your business. Chris, you're like I know some woman needs to feel better about herself, feel more confident about herself. Whether your passion is art, you know what someone may need to see that piece of art that you're creating whatever it is, it may speak to them. There, we each have a gift. And we've come to this world with a gift and we hold ourselves back from giving those gifts. But if we think about it in a different way, not can I do that, but rather who needs me to do this? Who is out there that needs me to do this? And let me be there for them? Who do I need to be of service to today? Who do I need to be a service to? Yeah, so when things get really hard? Like you just do you need to be of service to your children? Do you need to show your children this is the better way to live. This is how you're strong. This is how you're confident. This is how you're kind. Who are you serving by becoming and stepping in to the person you came here to be? That person you feel you want to be because it's not going to be easy. It's going to be scary. It's going to be difficult. But you created a system to get to your goals and you keep working through all that clutter. That's in your mind until you get to be that person and you reach out for help along the way. Yes, yeah. Yes, definitely. It's definitely teamwork. We all need help. We all need help.

49:48
All right. Well, thanks for joining us today. Christi. I really appreciate it. And

49:54
you know, let's bring a little more awareness to cervical cancer and you know, in honor of our brother, hopefully some

50:00
awareness to testicular cancer, which I'm just going to throw in here, because I don't think enough people talk about it is the most common cancer for men from 15 to 35 years old. If you have a son, a brother, whoever, just like we have to check our breast, they need to check their testicles for lungs, and we need to create more awareness around that to save the lives of young men. We live in this world as well. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.

50:30
All right. Thank you for having me, too. It's fun. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. I love having Cristian here as a guest, I love having you all get a chance to hear her insights. And we just have fun together. But also love her, I did her kind of a challenge to DM me, with the change you make what cluttered you clear out of your life, in order to create the space for the change you want for the life you want to create.

51:04
So you can find me on Facebook as Laura Lummer. And you can send me that message, you can join my free Facebook group, the breast cancer recovery group, and we can talk about what you're clearing out. You can find me on Instagram as the breast cancer recovery coach, and you can DM me there too. I really, really do want to hear from you. And I want to support you in your recovery and your transition to the life you want after breast cancer. Let's get you out of that pain, moving past through that healing and into thriving. If you haven't visited my website yet, and downloaded my free guide care, four steps to healing after breast cancer, you can find me at Laura lummer.com. And Kerr is really a guide that I created. That's for super simple, basic steps for things that you really need to get your head around as you're coming back to life after breast cancer. Thinking about self compassion, which we talked a lot about in this show, being aware how you develop and increase your awareness of what you're feeling and what your needs are, how you take care of your body through proper hydration and through exercise their steps and resources in the guide. And I think you'll enjoy it, I'd love to hear what you think of it, then you can go to my website, Laura lummer.com. And download that free guide. And check it out and use those resources. So thanks for joining me today. And remember, if you haven't subscribed to this podcast, hit that subscribe button favor button like button wherever you listen to your podcast, so that you never have to miss an episode of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. And I would love and appreciate so much if you could make the time to go to the iTunes Store and leave a review for this podcast. Your reviews help make it so much easier for other breast cancer survivors to find this show, and as you heard in the show, that helps me to accomplish more of my mission of reaching all those breast cancer survivors out there who need to be a part of this community and hear the message and know they're not alone in this experience of recovering from breast cancer treatment. Like I say the own spoken phase of breast cancer treatment, this recovery that we all have to go through. So thanks for your support. I appreciate thanks for listening today and clear that junk and let me know what it looks like and I'll talk to you again next week.

53:45
You've proved your courage to the test laid all your doubts

53:52
your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting more your futures

54:03
Give it all you

54:05
know

54:08
you've been waiting on your

54:15
this is your