Episode Overview

As we enter the last 90 days of the year, it’s easy to lose yourself in the noise of busyness. Between holidays, obligations, health “to-dos,” and family commitments, the calendar fills up fast—and your body and mind can get pushed to the sidelines.

In this episode of Better Than Before Breast Cancer, I share why it feels so hard to hear yourself when life gets busy and how to reconnect with your needs. You’ll learn:

• The science of how busyness pulls your attention outward and away from your inner signals

• Two common “holes” survivors fall into—sleep compression and stress-comfort eating—and what the research shows happens to your body when you do

• Why white space on your calendar isn’t indulgent—it’s a research-backed recovery tool

• Four recovery experiences (detachment, relaxation, mastery, and control) that lower fatigue, improve mood, and restore energy

• Practical if-then strategies to help you design the end of your year on purpose

You don’t have to lose yourself in the noise. With small, science-backed shifts, you can finish the year grounded and connected.

✨ Want to go deeper? In October, inside my Better Than Before Breast Cancer Membership, we’ll be practicing these recovery strategies together. Learn how to reconnect with your body’s signals and protect your energy, even when your calendar is full.

Explore more support:

• Better Than Before Breast Cancer Life Coaching Membership: https://www.thebreastcancerrecoverycoach.com/lifecoaching 

• Creating a Life You Love in 168 Hours a Week: https://www.thebreastcancerrecoverycoach.com/168-hours-sp

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Read the full transcript:

0:00
You're listening to better than before breast cancer with the breast cancer recovery coach, I'm your host, Laura Lummer. I'm a certified life coach and I'm a breast cancer thriver. In this podcast, I will give you the skills on the insides and the tools to move past the emotional and physical trauma of a breast cancer diagnosis if you're looking for a way to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer, you've come to the right place. Let's get started.

0:33
Hey there, friends. Welcome to Episode 428

0:38
of better than before breast cancer. I'm your host, Laura Lummer, I'm thrilled to be here with you today. When this show comes out, it's going to be smack in the middle of September. And as I have been looking at my calendar and thinking about the last 90 days of the year quickly approaching, I want to share some insights with you. You know, when I first started my healing journey, nearly five years ago, October, 11 week, five years since, I was diagnosed with widespread stage four metastatic breast cancer. And there were a lot of things that I thought were going to be important to focus on, and there were some things that I didn't realize would have the impact that they do. One of those things is living very intentionally. In fact, it is so important to be intentional and purposeful about our time and how we use our time that I've created entire programs about that. You know, 160 creating a life you love and 168 hours a week is one of my coaches. One of my coaching programs. Because when you stop and think about the fact that you have 168 hours in a week, and 30% of that, hopefully 30% of that, is spent sleeping, right? Maybe 4050, hours sometimes are spent working. There are obligations and things that we do on a daily or weekly basis, right, that need to be taken care of, need to be done, and even commute times that have to happen. You know, we live a certain distance from kids schools or from work or from family, and that's not going to get any shorter, and it takes a certain amount of time. When you stop and think about that, and you think 168

2:23
hours in a week, that does not sound like a lot of time. So How precious is it, and how important is it that we look at it and we're extremely intentional? You know, a lot of times I'll work with clients and they'll tell me, I don't have time for this, or I don't have time for that, and we'll actually do an inventory of time really, just like we would a financial budget if I were, you know, working with somebody on money, which I do not do, right? But the mindset around it is, let's look. You have 168 hours in a week, so let's walk through what you do with that time. Let's really look at it and see, do you really not have the time? Maybe you don't, but do you really have the time? And you're just not being intentional about it. So I think that this is especially important when we realize that we're coming up on the last 90 days of the year, because those last 90 days of the year oftentimes are filled with things we see or call obligations or we have holidays. There are things we love to do. There are things we want to do. There are things we tell ourselves we have to do. How does that fit into the way you want to live your life? This is so important because it can create a lot of impact on different areas of our lives that impact our wellness. So I'm looking at my calendar this when this podcast comes out, I will actually be out of town at a bachelorette party from my nephew's fiance, and then every other week I have something, a conference, a wedding, hosting a retreat, until November, when we're smack into the holidays, and then, of course, the things I love to do and the people I want to see during the holidays. So if I don't look at that now ahead of time and ask myself, What do I want that to look like, and how will I take care of myself? Here's what will happen the last 90 days, all of a sudden are on you. The social events are there, the requests, the demands, the expectations are all there. You haven't made a plan for it. And so in order to fulfill what you think are your obligations or what you are supposed to do or have to do, the first thing that falls by the wayside is you and your self care. And then you come up on January, 15 pounds heavier, blood sugar out of control, exhausted, depleted. And so here's the beginning of the year, when it should be time that we feel refreshed and revitalized and looking forward to creating this amazing neck. 12 months and we're like, just stop, right? Just stop and maybe undoing damage that we've allowed to happen to ourselves over a three month period of time. It can be a really vicious cycle. So what if we decide not to allow that to happen? What if we have a boundary with ourself, where we say, I am not going to let more things on the calendar equal? Letting myself go, letting myself care go, letting go of my sense of compassion for myself, letting go of the white space that's so very, very, very, very important to a healthy life. And so I want to talk about what it means to be intentional, why it feels so hard to do that when life is busy, and how it actually impacts our nervous system. And then let and I want to share with you some strategies, little, small things you can do to support yourself so that the busyness, the fullness of a calendar, doesn't equal undermining your mental, physical, emotional, spiritual wellness. So let's think about busyness, right? When we are busy, our attention is outside of us, right? We're looking at demands. We're looking maybe at what we think other people expect or want from us, and then, of course, the stories about why we have to fill other people's expectations. And so the more that's on the calendar, the more this kind of low grade stress can be working on your nervous system. So maybe you feel overwhelmed, maybe not, maybe you don't feel panicked, but maybe you just feel like, I'm on, right? I'm on, I've got to get stuff done. And when we're in that state, it's really that our brain is shifting energy, because everything is about energy and energy demands, and it's shifting that energy outward, and the brain is looking outward and it's scanning and responding to external signals and demands. And so you may realize sometimes, oh my gosh, I didn't even eat right? Why do I feel so cranky or crabby or oh man, My face hurts. How long I've been clenching my jaw? Right? We disconnect with ourselves, maybe a little more than we already are disconnected, or we start to undo that work of trying to listen to our intuition and tour our own body, because our attention is directed so much outwardly, right? This isn't a flaw. This isn't like you're you're something's wrong with you. It is biology. It is the human brain doing exactly what a human brain is designed to do when it's under pressure, prioritize survival, right, meet the demands that we say this has to get done. So watches the outside world very closely, and it's trying to prioritize demands for your own survival, and that's what makes it just so easy to lose track of yourself, especially when seasons get busier. There are really two things that I see are very, very common that show up when we get caught in this kind of busyness. And there's even science and research that backs it up, which I'll share with you. And the first one is sleep compression, which means when we're shaving time off of our sleep. So I said 168 hours a week. 30% of that is spent sleeping. Well, I can think back on really busy times when my children were younger and when I was a single parent, working full time, and the house got cleaned until two o'clock in the morning, right? That the thing that got sacrificed was my sleep, because I didn't know any better, and that's what I told myself, was the thing that I could sacrifice, right? I'll sleep when I'm dead, or I might be dead a whole lot sooner, because I did that to myself for so many years, right? So things get busy. What do we do? We sacrifice sleep, maybe to stay up late and wrap gifts, run errands, clean the house, or just to unwind because the day is so full and so busy, there was like, oh my god, I just need to I just need some time, some quiet, right? Or we have so many things on our mind, we lay awake at night and we're not sleeping because we're thinking about all of the things so sleep time can get shortened. And the thing is that it isn't we'll just power through and it'll be fine, and the body is so resilient, because the body is actually suffering, right? There was a study that was published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. We'll call it P S, P N, A S, right? This study was published in 2013 and it found that just after five nights of restricted sleep, the people who participated in that study gained nearly two pounds, and mostly from eating more at night. Because what happens when we shave time off of our sleep, we sacrifice our sleep, your appetite, hormones shift. It, and that's what they found in this study. So ghrelin, which is the hormone that signals hunger, went up, and leptin, the hormone that signals fullness, went down. And so the authors of that study said that short sleep duration was accompanied by an increased caloric intake, primarily due to an increase in nighttime eating. So if you've ever found yourself doing that and thinking, why do I eat more when I'm tired, that's your answer. It's again, biology. And then a second common pitfall here is we can call it the stress comfort loop. I call it buffering. And what it means is that when we are under chronic stress, even if it's low grade and we just think, well, this is just what I do, right? This is what happens when the calendar gets busy, we often turn to energy dense comfort foods, alcohol, high sugar foods, because those foods actually do dampen that stress response for a smidge right, for a little while, they don't really fix the problem. They're not addressing the issue, but they give you a little hit that feels like relief. There was a study in 2017 that was published in physiology and behavior, and it explained this by saying that stress induced increase in consumption of palatable foods is associated with the reduced behavioral stress indices, like anxiety related behaviors. And what that means, in plain English, is that foods really do take the edge off, but over time, the pattern is linked to abdominal fat and a tougher cycle to break right, a habitual cycle. So you can see how these two traps, buffering or stress, comfort, right where you feel stressed, what's a buffer? It's an external thing that makes us feel relief from an internal discomfort, stress, comfort and it's a loop. It's a vicious cycle, sleep, compression, these feed into each other. You're tired, your body drives you toward food. You're stressed. Comfort food cushions you for just a moment, and then when you layer on obligations, shorter days, less daylight, it is the perfect setup for slipping out of healthy boundaries and for saying, I'll start over in January, right? That's why gyms are so busy in January, trying to make up for the way we need collected ourselves for three months, if not longer. So the good news is that it isn't about willpower. It isn't about discipline. It isn't about like, how do I get through, you know, the holidays and not have any Turkish Delight. No, it's about a plan, really intentionally, planning and designing what you want your life to look like. So if you've listened to this podcast with any regularity, I'm sure you've heard me say that white space is not wasted time. White space is protective time. It needs to be protected. It's treasure time. So what do I mean by white space? It means looking at your calendar and saying on these days, at these times, nothing goes there. White space. It's just for me. I want to wake up and see what I feel like doing. I want to come home and have nothing on the calendar so that I can take care of me. And there is a science that's called recovery science that talks about this. And in recovery science, researchers have identified four recovery experiences that make the difference when it comes to bouncing back from stress, and those four are Psychological detachment, relaxation, mastery and control. So let's look at each one a little more detail. With Psychological detachment, that means mentally turning things off. And it doesn't mean that just to leave work or just to step out of an obligation, right? Because if the brain is still on and it's still running, what ifs in the background, then we're not psychologically, mentally detached. And so these studies show that people who detach more fully, who actually put tasks down in their mind, right? Leave them drop the baggage, these people report less fatigue and better mood than next day after they check out, right? So one of the researchers put it this way. He said, without mental disengagement, physical time off is incomplete. So what does it mean? How do we have Psychological detachment? Well, we have to establish again an intentional practice, something like saying, Okay, this is my brain alarm, right? This is 15 minutes before my day ends. It's kind of like when kids are little and you're at the park and they're having fun, or they're engaged in something, and you tell let them know you've got five minutes, and then we're done here. So we can kind of set these little alarms for ourselves that say, okay, in 15 minutes, I'm done here. And we can actually create little rituals, like their transition rituals. So for example, if you're done with work, how do you detach from work? You can have a breath work exercise. You can say, I go for a 15 minute walk. You can pull up at home and in the driveway, you pull out your notebook and you write, that was a great day. Goodbye. I'm home now, right? Something that signals your brain is that that's all I'm done with, that. I'm turning it off. I'm leaving it behind, that Psychological detachment. And there was a study that was published in 2007 in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, and it found that people who were able to psychologically detached from work in the evenings, reported significantly lower fatigue and better moods the next day. So it's really important to look at yourself and realize that just because you physically moved yourself out of a geographical area, maybe you haven't let it go. And to become very aware of that and ask yourself, what is a routine that helps me psychologically, mentally, leave this thing behind so I can be present in the moment and allow my brain to be here with me now, relaxation is the second criteria here, and relaxation is exactly what it sounds like. It's doing something that lowers the tension in your body and in your brain. But here's the key, relaxation isn't zoning out on your phone. It's not because that's a distraction that distracts you, but it doesn't calm your nervous system. So if I'm going to relax and I just pick up my phone, my brain is on. My nervous system is on if I'm Doom, scrolling through social media, depending on what I'm looking at, right? But it's actually still signaling the brain. So relaxation is something that actually signals safety to your body, calm. So it kind of brings you back into the moment relaxation, things that qualify for relaxation, stretching, taking a bath, gentle breathing, listening to call me music, going for a walk, right? So really, just turning things off. There was a 2010 study in the Journal of Occupational Health Psychology, and it was called the weekend matters. And in this study, they found that people who engaged in relaxation on weekends experienced better sleep quality, lower emotional exhaustion, and felt calmer and more refreshed when they returned to work. So we think about, well, I didn't work on these two days, or whatever obligations you have normally. But did you relax? Or did you find other busy work? Were you busy the whole time? Anyway, relaxation is very important that third criteria mastery that's about doing something that's challenging but still enjoyable outside of work or other regular obligations. So think of it like learning to cook a new dish, trying a new craft, going to a pottery class, painting, something, needle point, crocheting, experiencing a new kind of workout, right? So mastery matters because it gives you a sense of growth and a sense of confidence and competence, and that helps to rebuild our resilience. In 2021 there was a study published in the frontiers in psychology that looked at how people recovered during vacations, and it found that mastery experiences were strongly linked to increased creativity and energy after returning. And you know when I read that, it made me think last year, I was so fortunate to get to go on this amazing vacation to the Maldives with my sister and my husband and my sister and I, one of the things we did is we did a glass blowing class, and we made these gorgeous Glass Blown paper weights. And it was so fun, you know, really tapping into our creativity and trying something new and learning something new. Every time I have that, I have that paper weight on my nightstand next to my bed, and every time I look at it, it just brings back happy memories, right? So mastery is another part of helping us with this recovery and then control. This is a key, I think, and this is about being intentional. Again. Control is about autonomy. It means choosing how you spend your free time, not your boss, not your family, not your social obligations, not people saying you need to be here. You need to do this. I want or do that. I want this from you. You decide. And so studies show that even if you just decide how to use a single hour, that choice. Actually matters. In that same weekend matter study that I just referred to, it found that control was one of the strongest predictors of feeling restored and recharged. How cool is that? So when I say white space isn't a luxury, I'm serious. It's not. It is your nervous system's recovery zone. It's your energy, it's your creativity, it's your emotional resilience, and it's so important to be intentional about that. When you know there's a season coming up that's going to fill the calendar, how do you want that season to look? How do you want your life to look, knowing in advance what you're going to protect, and how precious that white space is is absolutely critical to your well being. Because if you think about it now and you're listening to this, you're like, Yeah, you know what? I am going to try to have some more quiet time. That's not good enough. That's very vague. So being specific is important, because I'll try, when things are busy, it doesn't fly, it doesn't work. So we have to have what are called implementation intentions, and those are the if then plans. So there was actually a meta analysis where you look at a bunch of studies all together and see what those studies came up with that was kind of in common or stood out. And this meta analysis was published in Psychological Bulletin, and it found that forming simple if then scripts significantly increased the likelihood of sticking with a desired behavior. So let's talk about what those are. I'll give you an example of a couple of mine. So if my week has more than two evening events, then I will not book anything else during that week, in the evening, right? If I feel rushed, if I feel in my chest like the tightness, the anxiousness that tells me I'm feeling rushed, then I pause. I take three slow breaths. I ask myself, Why am I feeling like this? Have I over committed to something? Is there something I need to cancel or take off my plate if I'm traveling, then I always schedule an extra day after returning home with nothing, so that I have rest and recovery and can take care of myself and reset so I'm not running behind. If I get less than seven hours of sleep, that's my sweet spot. If I get less than seven hours of sleep two nights in a row, for any reason, I'm can't sleep, I don't feel well, I'm uncomfortable, whatever the reason then I will not have another commitment in 24 hours, because I will focus on getting grounded, back into a good sleep habit. So if then, scenarios aren't about perfection, but they're about being really intentional rather than reactive. It's really just forming those very clear healthy boundaries with yourself. So as you move into these last 90 days of the year, I want you to think about the fact that you don't have to lose yourself. This does not have to be you check out of yourself, and I'll see you again in January. But if you start to anticipate everything that's going to come up with being really realistic knowing what's coming, and you design your life around it, and you protect your white space, because you can decide ahead of time, I'm going to thrive. This is going to be different than it's ever been in the past, and these last 90 days are going to be strong. They're going to be intentional. I'm going to feel good, I'm going to get good sleep, I'm going to nourish myself, I'm going to create a system because I love myself, a system based on self compassion, where I do not lose myself in busyness. It's so important, and it's very, very doable, and this way of thinking and developing, the skills and the tools to support yourself, and it is so important, it's literally what I'm going to be focusing on in my membership for the last three months of this year. So we're going to be looking at all of these things with my members together, and reconnecting to their body signals, protecting your space, even when the calendar is full, taking care of yourself, because we can't afford to go three months of not caring for ourselves, no matter how noisy life seems to get. So if you want to go deeper into this, if you want help with that, so you can come to my website, the breast cancer recovery coach.com check out my coaching program, creating a life you love in 168 hours a week, or join the better than before breast cancer, metabolic health and mindset membership, because mindset is essential to a healthy lifestyle. Trust me, I know this. It's part of what I do. I'm constantly working on the way I think, the way I plan and the system that's a. Supports a life that supports healing. All right, the end of the year does not have to be losing yourself. It can actually be coming back to yourself, connecting to yourself again, or maybe for the first time ever. So that sounds good to you. Come to my website, the breast cancer recovery coach.com check it out and try some of these practices that we talked about here in the show for yourself. But especially I love the control one. I love control. I love sounds great. I love control. I love that the idea of you are in control of your calendar. You're in control of your time. You get to decide what to do with this very precious resource, and you get to work through all the thoughts that are behind why you're not already using that resource to support yourself in the way you want such important work. Alright, friends, good luck. I want to hear how this goes for you. So come and find me on Facebook and Instagram. Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach, I'd love to hear what challenges come up for you when you think about this, or what successes you have when you implement some of these strategies and take better care of yourself. All right, I'll talk to you again next week.

26:15
You've put your courage to the test, laid all your doubts to rest. Bye. Rest. Your mind is clearer than before. Your heart is full and wanting more. Your Future's at the door. Give it all you got no hesitating. You've been waiting all your life.

26:40
All your life, this is your

26:45
moment. This is your moment.