Resilience is defined as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

When life feels like its coming at you from all directions, or when you're managing a difficult situation...like surviving cancer...you have to have the ability to bounce back, get on track and live life with happiness and peace of mind.

Some of us are naturally more resilient than others, but the good news is we are all capable of increasing our resilience when we learn and practice the necessary behaviors

In this show, you'll learn about what resiliency actually is and seven practices that anyone can use to become more resilient, so that you can bounce back from the challenges of life with ease.

Read the full transcript:

0:01
This is Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm a healthy lifestyle coach, a clinical Ayurveda specialist, a personal trainer, and I'm also a breast cancer survivor. In this podcast, we talk about healthy thinking and mindfulness practices, eating well, moving your body for health and longevity. And we'll also hear from other breast cancer survivors who have reengaged with life, and have incredible stories to share. This podcast is your go to resource for getting back to life after breast cancer.

0:38
Hello, and welcome to episode 40 of the breast cancer recovery coach. I am Laura Lummer. And I'm super excited to have you here with me today. I want to thank you for taking the time to listen into the show. And interesting little story and background about this show. I have this list that I compile with all of the topics I think are interesting and hopefully meaningful to you as I tried to decide what I'll be podcasting about. And as I was thinking about, today's topic, has kind of vacillating between this and something else. And all of a sudden, within a week's time, I must have had five different articles or communications, and studies that come up in journals that I was reading that all had to do with today's topic. And I thought, Okay, this is a sign somebody out there must need to hear this message. And so I'm really excited to bring you today's episode on building resilience.

1:37
So a few episodes ago, I talked about the fact that my younger sister has just been diagnosed with cervical cancer. And the great news, it was caught early, she's doing great. But watching her experience has really reminded me of some of the challenges that you have to deal with after you receive a cancer diagnosis. And I really hadn't thought about a lot of these for a long time.

2:04
Sometimes it's things like the insurance doesn't cover the appointment, or the treatment that you're trying to get, or the approval takes forever. And you are continually navigating this bureaucracy while you're worried about cancer spreading throughout your body, you hear one plan of action from your doctor. So you get yourself ready and you get your head in the right space. And then a lab comes back and the treatment plan changes. Or one of the worst, you set your mind on an end date for treatment, and something goes wrong. And then you have to get your head back in that space of accepting a new deadline or an additional surgery or more radiation. And I'm certainly not faulting doctors for this, I'm just saying, These are common challenges that happen once you find yourself thrust into this world of cancer treatment becomes an emotional roller coaster. And it really requires that you remain in this space of living in the unknown and being prepared to accept that. But when you really think about it, that unknown space carries over into your recovery and into your everyday life. It's actually always been a part of your everyday life. But the experience of cancer really drives at home. And it forces you to acknowledge that the only control you have is how you respond and manage the events of your life.

3:30
After I completed my yoga teacher training in 2006, I spent the next three years studying the philosophy and practices of yoga with a small group of people under an amazing teacher. And when I say the practices and philosophy is more than just the physical asana practice that you go to yoga studio for, but really the thought processes and the meditation processes and so much more that is involved in yoga. And two of the things that really stand out from me from that time in that training are one was the practice of living in the unknown, and to the practice of dropping anger. And that is a whole nother show that we don't have time for here today. But we won't get into that at some point. Today, I want to talk about what it means to live in the unknown. And one critical life skill that you need in order to do that well. And by Well, I mean that you can handle things that come your way with as much grace and as little anxiety as possible. And then you can cultivate that ability to move past these challenges, rather than dwell on them so that you're able to live a life of happiness and peace of mind. So last week, I went with my sister to hear a second opinion on the pathology results from her surgery. And afterward we sat down we had a long slow dinner because we had driven out to Los Angeles and and gone to UCLA Medical Center and we wanted to wait out all there was a rush hour of traffic rush

5:00
Hours of traffic. So while we sat there eating let me tell you an amazing Cauliflower Crust mushroom pizza with white truffle oil at California Pizza Kitchen. Fabulous. If you have one by you definitely check it out. But we talked with each other about our own cancer experiences, and about how we handled them the feedback we got along the way from doctors from friends and family. And my sister who is one tough cookie with an amazing, fun loving attitude towards life has been just incredible through this whole process, and she did not let her diagnosis consume her life. And in fact, she was practicing jujitsu right up until her surgery, and I know she's dying to get back to it. So she asked me why I thought some people were able to manage and deal with cancer and move on with life easily, while others really struggled sometimes and was drew from life as a result of having had cancer. Even once you're past it, even once you have a clear release. Now no cancer experience is cut and dry. No cancer experience is simple to explain. But I have seen women with incredible support systems do great, and others with the same or similar level of support and care just come unraveled and emerge from their treatments feeling lost and unsure how to move forward with their lives.

6:23
One of the things that I attribute this difference to is this characteristic that we're going to talk about today, and that is resilience. The American Psychological Association defines resilience as the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress such as serious health problems, it means bouncing back from difficult experiences.

6:51
Now, whether you are someone who feels like you had a good handle on dealing with your cancer experience and recovery, or if you feel like you're a hot mess from having gone through it. The good news is that resiliency is something that can be developed and improved in everyone. Again, the American Psychological Association says that one of the key factors in resilience is having loving and supportive relationships, both in and outside of your family. And I love this because I want to say and tell you that encouraging women to bolster the healthy relationships in their lives, to heal the broken ones. And to let go of the toxic ones is one of the most important things that I think I do as a healthy lifestyle coach, sometimes actually, a lot of the time, the relationship that needs the most healing is the one that women have with themselves. Because when you begin to truly recognize your value, to realize how awesome you are, how deserving you are, and how treasured you deserve to be, you begin to gravitate towards healthier, happier people who themselves are encouraging and supportive. And you begin to move away from those relationships that are riddled with insecurities and drama and jealousy, and anything else that keeps you from being everything you want to be. One of the first changes that I noticed in so many newly diagnosed women is that their tolerance for gossipy drama drops to zero right away. Suddenly, they stand there and say, I have cancer, that other thing is so not important.

8:36
So think about the relationships in your life, the ones that make you feel safe and valued and whole, maybe that's with a family member or a spouse or a best friend. But it's when you're with that person, regardless of what you're going through. Being with them or in their space, makes you feel like everything is going to be okay. And that's why these relationships help you to be more resilient. Some other factors that the APA includes are the capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out. A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities. Having skills in communication and problem solving, and the capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses. The beautiful thing about this list is that these are skills that anyone can develop and that you can continue to improve on no matter your age or your life situation. When I read this list, having the capacity to make realistic plans and steps to carry them out really hit home with me. Because this is an issue that I see so many women struggle with this wonder woman syndrome of doing it all regardless of how you feel mentally, physically or emotionally has got to go

10:00
For your own well being, and to strengthen your ability to deal with and bounce back from the challenges that life brings your way, you absolutely have to take care of yourself. And you have to have goals that are attainable. And you have to have the time to consistently work towards them even just a little time here and there as long as it's consistent. Developing the ability to assess and accept what you need. As well as assessing and prioritizing the demands that you face can truly change your life. These skills are so important that I devote two parts of my revivify program to them, and I'm super excited to tell you that re vivify will be available for downloading within the next couple of weeks. So really excited. And we'll talk more about that when the time comes. So let's talk about some things that you can do to build resiliency. Rick Hansen, PhD, is the founder of Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and contemplative wisdom. And in his newest book, hardwiring happiness, he says, the brain is the organ that learns. So it is designed to be changed by your experiences, whatever we repeatedly sense, and feel and want and think, is slowly but surely sculpting neural structures.

11:27
So this means you have to do some work. And you have to do it consistently, right? Slowly and surely, in order to train your brain to be more positive and more resilient. The good thing is that this kind of work can be fun and rewarding. So let's talk about seven practices that you can implement to increase your resiliency. And I'm going to start with the easiest one first. Number one, laugh more. The Mayo Clinic says that laughter stimulates your brain to release endorphins, which are feel good chemicals, it relieves your stress response lowers your heart rate and blood pressure. It improves your immune system by stimulating the release of helpful healing chemicals in your body. And laughter helps you connect with other people. And remember the importance of strong social networks to building resiliency. So make laughter a habit. And if you're not sure what to do to help you laugh more, I have a no fail strategy. It always works for me. Watch YouTube videos of laughing babies. And there's something about a laughing baby. That's awesome, right. And if you can watch a laughing baby without laughing yourself, that my friend, you need something a little stronger than this podcast, because laughing babies are just adorable.

12:51
All right, two, and three. These steps come from the Harvard health newsletter. And they're so closely related that I wanted to talk about them together. Step number two is practicing positive thinking. And step number three is practicing reframing. Now I see these steps as the buddy system. Because reframing requires that you look at a situation that's causing distress, and you try to see it in a more positive light. So you're actually practicing positive thinking when you're practicing reframing. An example of this would be that your job is cutting back positions. And you were fortunate enough to make the cut list. So you're scared, you're nervous, you may even be a little hurt a little pissed that you're in this position, after all you've done for this job. But when you realize the distress the situation is causing you, you force yourself to stop for a minute and look at the situation through a different lens. You realize that there are so many things you love to do and have never tried. And now you have the opportunity to start fresh, you can create the next chapter of your life. And that is exciting. So you start looking into other things, things that have interested you, and you start thinking of creative ways to make things work so you can even be happier and more fulfilled with your next step or your next career move. You can just feel the shift in yourself thinking about it that way. Right. You've reframed the situation, and you've infused it with positive thoughts.

14:29
In my second podcast, which is consistently one of the most popular episodes of the breast cancer recovery coach called train your brain to think healthier thoughts. I talked about the chemical reactions that are set off in your body when you think negative thoughts versus when you think positive thoughts. Just as positive thoughts encourage the release of healing chemicals in your body. Negative thoughts encourage the release of potentially harmful ones. It you

15:00
sit for just a minute. With each type of thought making a positive thought or thinking a negative thought, you can't help but notice the physical sensations that you begin to sense in your body. Even if you're just creating that type of thought for the sake of testing the process, it's very powerful. Now, I know firsthand that reframing can be really difficult if you're still in treatment, but it is possible to do. And honestly, it's probably more important than ever, that you try to practice these two steps during that time.

15:35
All right, number four, take action. I love this one. Sometimes,

15:41
when you feel like life is a never ending game of flipping dodgeball, and you're just not quick enough to get out of the way. You just want to step out of that game and sit on the sideline. But doing that does not stop the balls from being thrown.

15:57
Standing up, taking action. Even if it's just baby steps towards a goal you want to achieve, like maybe rebuilding your strength resistance training, or a resolution you need to find like discovering new financial resources to help pay medical bills. Trust me on this. Where energy flows, energy grows. When you take action, and you consistently focus on what needs to happen, doors will begin to open and solutions will present themselves facing whatever comes your way even if you're afraid or uncomfortable. It will build your self confidence and your resilience like nothing else. And it's okay to lean on someone to help you do this. Talk about the steps you need to take with someone you trust, assign dates to them and grab an accountability buddy to keep you on track. When I first decided to create an online business, I was blown away by how much work was required, how much time this was going to take. So I hired an accountability coach. And she not only helped me get clarity on what needed to be done, but we set up new goals and deliverables each time we met. And I was not about to show up empty handed especially because I was paying for her guidance. So acknowledge what motivates you and set up a strategy to support you in taking action. This will help build resiliency like you cannot believe

17:34
number five, practice perspective. So as human beings, we have a propensity to think negatively. Robert Shroff, a linguistics professor at Penn State published a study in 2004, that found cross culturally, we humans tend to use a 50% negative emotional words 30% positive ones, and only 20% neutral. Now,

18:03
you can see from these statistics, why we need to practice to shift our brains it's not an overnight thing. It requires consistency and practice. One pattern of thinking referred to as a thought distortion is called overgeneralization. When we overgeneralize we take one issue or one incident, and we run with it until we have doomed our entire life, just because of this one thing. Now, an example of this would be to say, I lost one of my breasts, therefore, no one will ever think I'm sexy again.

18:39
I cannot tell you how it breaks my heart when I hear this. And I hear this. And it's it's gut wrenching. When you've been through a difficult situation, when or if your body has been altered in a way you don't like or you don't want, you have to keep practicing keeping things in perspective. I could stand here all day long with any woman and tell her you're beautiful no matter what you're not just your boobs or fill in the blank with any of the many, many conciliatory phrases we hear as cancer survivors as breast cancer survivors. But I know that the only thing that will make a difference is how you see yourself and how much perspective you can bring to the table. I have known and I know many beautiful women. But I can say with utter and complete confidence that I have never known a single woman including myself, who had something about her body she didn't like.

19:45
But that's okay. We find ways around our imperfections. We highlight the things we do like and we have to come to terms with the things we're not thrilled about. And that's okay, as long as you don't devalue yourself because you're

20:00
overgeneralizing about a physical characteristic. Practice keeping things in perspective. Number six, learn to accept change, ladies, the only constant in our lives is change. And the sooner we invite change in, the sooner we embrace it, and we invited to join us at the table, the sooner we bounce back from changes that come our way, and the happier our lives will be. And now I'm not suggesting that you just sit passively by and don't attempt to improve things that have changed that you're not necessarily happy with. What I'm saying is you cannot let it consume you. You cannot allow it to freak you out and piss you off and stop you from living. When you realize that you're fighting change so hard, that you're actually rejecting yourself, it's time to put things into perspective, and to get present with yourself, which is number seven. Number seven, meditation. Now I want to take a moment here first to do a little meditation, myth busting. It is very common, that I hear people poopoo on meditation. But most of the time when I dig a little deeper to see why they feel the way they do, I discover that they have a misperception of what meditation is. When I talk about using meditation as a tool to practice being present, I'm speaking of using mindfulness meditation. This is a practice of using your breath, to calm your mind, not to clear your mind of all thoughts. But to calm your mind down and to train it to stay in the present moment. This is a practice to help you let thoughts come, let them be and let them go. It's not a religious practice, although there are many prayerful meditative practices. And you may even discover a spiritual awareness about yourself as you learn to calm your mind. However, Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction practices are tools to help you relieve stress, anxiety, and worry. Study after study proves the benefits of mindfulness as you begin to practice it. And you start to carry mindfulness into everything else that you do. So think of a time when you got into a car. And the next thing you know, you arrived at your destination, and you couldn't even remember the roads you took to get there.

22:31
Where was your mind when that was happening? What were you aware of? Are you aware of anything at all, establishing a regular meditation practice, even just five to 10 minutes a day, will change your world. And I not only have experienced this myself, but I see it over and over again. When I teach meditation and breathing practices. Without fail, people come back to me and tell me how much better they sleep, how much calmer they feel, and how they noticed that they don't react as intensely to stressful situations. And they just feel better and more peaceful overall. If you've never tried this practice of mindful meditation, I am very happy to tell you that I have included a guided mindful meditation, audio recording as one of the bonuses to my revivify program that's coming soon. Because I think it's essential to living a balanced life.

23:28
So I hope these tips help you and that at least one really resonates with you as something you might like to try to build your resiliency and to find more happiness and peace in your life. I thank you so much for listening. And I want to let you know that if you pop over my website in the next 10 days or so hopefully shorter than that, but it may be up to that, you might find that it's down some of the time. But that's because the final transition, my team is working on building this new site. And it's all happening right now. Very soon, it's going to be up and you will be able to download one of my free new programs care four steps to healing after breast cancer. And you'll finally be able to purchase and download my entry level coaching program Ray vivify. I'm super excited about this, because in my heart of hearts, I want nothing more than to support every breast cancer survivor that my voice can reach. I want you to feel good about yourself, create the lives you want. And most of all, I want you to be rooted in happiness. So if you haven't subscribed to the breast cancer recovery coach podcast yet, I would love it if you could take a moment to do so now. And if you have subscribed, but you haven't left a review, I would really appreciate it so much if you could take the time to do that. Now. The more you interact with this podcast, the easier it is for other survivors to find it. So I thank you all for all of your support, and I'll talk with you

25:00
Get in two weeks when we look at what superfoods really are, and how you can access them without breaking the bank that is if you actually really need them. Until then, be good to yourself and let your lifestyle be your medicine. You've put your courage to the test laid all your doubts

25:24
your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting more your futures

25:34
given all you

25:37
know how

25:39
you been waiting

25:46
this is your