Join Laura for a special vault episode featuring an authentic coaching conversation about intentional living, effective time management, and creating a life you love after breast cancer.
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KEY TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 - Introduction and episode overview
10:29 - Understanding the relationship between follow-through and self-worth
26:28 - The critical mindset shift about time management
35:07 - Introduction to the "Monday Hour One" method
41:00 - Breaking down the emotional barriers to time management
52:00 - Transforming our relationship with boundaries
59:55 - Workshop announcement and closing thoughts
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FEATURED CONCEPTS:
路 The Monday Hour One Method
路 Emotional Adulthood vs. Emotional Childhood
路 Intention-Based Time Management
路 Healthy Boundary Setting
路 Self-Love as a Foundation for Success
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QUOTABLE MOMENTS:
"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm."
"Follow through is not about discipline - it's about having a healthy boundary and managing your time from a place of self-love."
"Creating a life that's better than before breast cancer isn't about doing more - it's about becoming more intentional about who you want to be."
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RESOURCES MENTIONED:
路 Register for my Upcoming Workshop: "Living with Intention" - December 21, 2024 9am PST-11:00PST
路 The Better Than Before Breast Cancer Membership
路 Website: thebreastcancerrecoverycoach.com
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CONNECT WITH LAURA:
路Instagram: @thebreastcancerrecoverycoach
Facebook: Better Than Before Breast Cancer Community
Pinterest: The Breast Cancer Recovery Coach
YouTube:聽@TheBreastCancerRecoveryCoach
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NEXT STEPS:
1. Subscribe to the podcast
2. Register for the December 21st workshop
3. Join our Better Than Before Breast Cancer community
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Did this episode resonate with you? Please leave a review and share with someone who might benefit from this conversation.
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#BreastCancerRecovery #IntentionalLiving #TimeManagement #BoundarySettings #SelfLove #CancerThriver #LifeCoaching #PersonalDevelopment
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Read the full transcript:
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0:00
You're listening to better than before breast cancer with the breast cancer recovery coach, I'm your host, Laura Lemmer. I'm a certified life coach and I'm a breast cancer thriver. In this podcast, I will give you the skills on the insides and the tools to move past the emotional and physical trauma of a breast cancer diagnosis if you're looking for a way to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer, you've come to the right place. Let's get started.
0:33
Hey there, friends, how are you welcome to episode 390
0:38
of better than before breast cancer. I'm your host, Laura Lemmer, I'm bringing you a very special treat on this podcast episode. I'm gonna give you a little bit of history about it. So I have, coming up on december 21 a two hour workshop that I'm doing that is all about living with intention, living on purpose. And what does that mean? It means deciding what you want the next 12 months of your life to look like. Does that mean the next 12 months of your life will look like that? Absolutely not. But what it does mean is when you decide ahead of time what you want your life to look like, and then as you step into trying to create that, you get to see all the things that pop up that stop you, and that's where your work is, right? The thoughts that pop up that stop you from what you decided you want to create, that's the work. It's not getting to what you wanted to create. It's not creating what you wanted to create. It's becoming the person who creates the life you want to live. We get so sidetracked with thinking it's all about making that thing happen, when it's really about becoming yourself. So I'm thinking about this workshop. I'm very excited about it, because honestly,
1:56
over the last four and a half years, right? Or four not, it hasn't been quite four and a half years, but four plus years of since my stage four cancer diagnosis. I mean, I have dug in Big time, big time, on what it takes to heal.
2:13
And it isn't just about food. Food's a big part of it. It isn't just about supplements. Supplements are important. It isn't just about therapies or medicine. Those are important.
2:24
It is very much about deciding to become a person who is healed, and asking yourself the right questions like, what does that mean? What does that mean to be a person who's healed from cancer? What does it mean to be a person who has a thriving coaching business? Who is that person? What are their habits? What do they do? Who do I have to become to create what I desire in my life? And a couple of things that I think are foundational to that are loving yourself and believing you're worthy of having all the things that means, of having the healing, of having the business, of having the financial success, of having the relationships, of having the freedom, of having the ability to do what you love every day for a living, right, believing you're worthy is a huge part of creating life you love, and another part of it is living it on purpose, being very intentional, and then looking at the thoughts that come up that stop you from following through that intention and and processing them and working through them. So as I was thinking about them, something else popped up in my mind. And what happened is, a couple of years ago, my sister, one of my sisters, and I, we were sitting at my house one night, we were sharing a bottle of wine, we were having a conversation. This is a while ago. This is before my diagnosis. So this is either pre COVID or during COVID. Is a while ago, and we started talking about all the things we've been through cumulatively between the two of us. And then we started talking about our friends and basically just saying, you know how everyone has a story, and everyone's been through some shit, right? And how important it is for women to share those insights, for women to share what they've been through, what it meant to them, how they felt about it, how they overcame it, if they overcame it, how they processed it. And as we talked about that, I got out a journal, and we just started writing. And we wrote pages and pages and pages of topics, of things we've been through, and things that we know friends of ours have been through. And we decided in that moment, let's start a podcast. And we what were we going to call this podcast? We're going to call it lumber sisters chat, what we're going to call it. And we decided to call.
5:00
It, Who the f knows? Because what it came down to is you have no idea what's coming in life. Who knows what's coming in life? No one ever, not before cancer, not after cancer, not during cancer. No one ever knows what's coming. So what do you do about that? Do you just float through life in a constant state of reaction and panic and anxiety wondering what's coming or do you decide to design your life and know and trust and believe in yourself that you will handle whatever comes your way, even though you have no idea what that's going to look like it so we called our podcast, Who the f knows, and we recorded a few episodes, and in keeping with the title of the podcast, well, what we did, the format of the podcast, was we wrote all the things that we had written in that notebook. We put them all on a big spin the wheel, and at the beginning of each podcast, we'd spin the wheel to say, Okay, what topic are we going to discuss today? And so I thought about that, and I went back, and I thought, wow, because our plan was, let's record X amount of them, and then we'll release this new podcast. But since no one knows what the f is coming, what happened is my sister, who had a lot on her plate at that time, and she just didn't feel like she could commit long term. So we had a group of podcasts that we had already recorded, and we said, Okay, we're gonna shelf this for a little while until you're comfortable with it, and we'll come back to it, because this is important. So I went back and I thought, what were some of those about that was really fun. It was really interesting and fascinating. And there's this one episode, and I listened to it, and I thought, wow, wow, this is a blast from the past. It's so interesting because it is completely relevant to what I'm thinking about and what I'm talking about and and this living with intention workshop that's coming up, and it's all about how we create the life we want, how we decide what we want our life to look like. And so I decided that I would share with you this
7:18
in the vault episode of the yet to come podcast, Who the f knows it is a conversation between my sister and myself when we spun the wheel. And one of the topics that came up was Follow through. Follow through. How do you make things happen? How do you decide what's going to happen in your life, and then how do you follow through with that? And it was a really good conversation, and I want to share it with you. I think you're going to enjoy it. I think you're going to have fun with it. And it makes me really excited to revisit. You know, we bought the domain, we got all this stuff ready to start the podcast, and so you let me know you hear this episode of Who the f knows, with my sister, Christy and I, and send me an email, drop me a comment, let me know if you'd like to hear more of this kind of a show. And I think it's a lot of fun, and it would be a lot of fun to do, but more importantly, think about what we discuss here, and think about how it relates to you and your life, to the way you've lived your life in the past, and to the way you want your life to look in 2025
8:31
and then go to the link below that says, sign up for a spot in the intentional living workshop. And sign up. It's a free workshop. We'll spend two hours together. You'll get all the information you need to prepare for it, because there is some prep work I'd love for you to do. I really want you to go into 2025,
8:52
or whenever you're listening this podcast, the next 12 months of your life. Go into the next 12 months of your life with a design, with an idea, and then working through the swats that say that's too rigid, that's too hard. I'm a free spirit. This is all about being a free spirit. It's all about designing a life where you get to be the free spirit you authentically feel you are. Because we don't get to be that without intention. We think we're that if we don't put anything on the calendar, but what we are is a hot mess of anxiety, running around our life, putting out fires. But what if we truly had more free time to do what we love, to follow through what we love, to create what we love? And we had that time because we lived intentionally. So the time that we took for ourselves wasn't filled with anxious thoughts of what else isn't done, a time we take for ourselves isn't filled with binging on Netflix because you can't wrap your head around doing anything else because there's too much on the to do. List that if you decide to binge on Netflix, you do it with peace and calm and a cup of good tea or a glass of delicious wine was not a care in the world, because, you know, everything else is taken care of because you intended it that way.
10:00
And you're honoring your intentions, and you're creating and living a life you love. That's what we're going to be doing in the workshop. So maybe you're ready to click on that link now and get ready to come and join me. Maybe you need to hear this episode first, either way, here we go. This is the out of the vault episode of Who the f knows, right? Hello. Welcome back to Who the f knows. Hey, Christy, how are you good how are you good morning? And good morning. What's new in your world?
10:34
New in my world? Let's see back from Costa Rica, which was amazing, what you got to come to. So that was awesome. It was awesome. Very cool. But you know, right back into reality, back to work, I still have Costa Rica with me. Two weeks later. I know Montezuma's revenge. Sorry, I don't have that lucky,
10:57
but I don't, I'm it said it was safe to drink the water, and we mostly stuck with bottled water. So I don't know, but out of the six of us that went, you're the only one who didn't seem to get sick. So good for you for having intestinal fortitude.
11:14
Oh, my God. What's new with you? Oh gosh, what's new coming back from Costa Rica, working on coaching, busy coaching. You know, everything's good. Everything's good, good. So let's jump in and and spin the wheel. It's like, we're so boring. We don't have any I know isn't that like, but there's, there's so much going on in our lives. When people ask me, I'm like, nothing, but then I'm like, wow, I look at my calendar and I can barely breathe. So there's a lot going on, exactly, exactly, but on my calendar, as I look down at it now, it's like, well, do people really want to know that? You know, I have to create the action guide for next Saturday's lesson. You know, my membership? I don't think so now. So, yeah, no, but everything is is good. And I think about you too, and I'm like, Oh, you've got your ex brother in law and sister living in your living room. There's a whole story right there. But then we start talking about the things that are actually going on. We'll never have
12:14
it's maybe we'll add those things to the wheel, like when you have in laws that come in x in laws, which means that your ex husband is always in your living room. What do you do with that? Right? That's a good wheel. That's a really good podcast.
12:29
I cannot imagine. And there's a difference between me and you. Could you imagine me walking in and finding my ex husband in my living room? That would not be a good scene. No, this is so funny. I'll share this really quickly in the month of February. So last month, I was working with my members on unconditional love for themselves and for one person, right for one person to focus like just getting this idea of what is unconditional love. How do we put so many conditions on ourselves and tell ourselves we're not lovable, we're not worthy, we're not deserving, because we didn't do this and we didn't meet that expectation and all this stuff. And one of the concepts that I wanted to help them understand was you are always lovable, right? And lovability, it comes from the way someone else thinks about you, right? So if you say, I don't love that person anymore, or they're jerks, so they're not lovable, that's really the way you're thinking about them. Because we all know that ex spouse will go on to find a new spouse who will think they're the bee's knees and love them, and we'll be like, yeah, good luck to you, right? Relax, sister, yeah. So, right. So it's what we think about what they do. And as an example, I said, Okay, let's, let's look at it this way. I come home from a long day at work or whatever, and my husband is in the kitchen, and he's prepared my favorite food for dinner. And I think what a loving, wonderful thing that is to do. I love my husband
14:00
switch. I come home one day, I walk in and my ex husband is in my house preparing my favorite food for dinner. Excuse me,
14:11
my thought is not what a loving thing that is to do. My thought is get the fuck out of my house now, right?
14:21
So same thing a person is saying, but I love you, and I want to do this for you, because I know you love what I think completely changes the way that I'm able to feel about that person in front of me exactly. I don't know. Remember why I went off. Oh, because we were talking about ex husbands coming in, yeah, but it's just a fascinating thing to think about. Is like we can always choose to feel differently. Sometimes we don't want to choose that. I don't want to choose that, and I like my reasons for not wanting to choose that with that specific person, right? And, well, you have different reasons. Yeah, exactly. And that's the thing. Do you like your reasons for choosing the way you feel? Right? Because we do choose the way we want to feel absolutely and I can.
15:00
Choose to say, like, I'm not comfortable with you being here every day, and you can't do that. But I mean, that's not our situation, and I'm okay with it, and that's where I'm at right now, you know? So, yeah, I mean, yeah. I mean, you know, going from when I left and he's like, I'm never gonna fucking step foot in your house, and then one day he was questioning me about something I had in my kitchen. I go, how did we go from I'm never stepping foot in your fucking house to your hair every night. Let's just so like questioning how I reach my utensil drawer my kitchen can be, however the fuck it was
15:35
so funny. That is so funny, but it's just an interesting thing to think about. And again, it comes back like you. Like your reasons for continuing to have a close friendship with your ex husband, which makes it awesome. And I like my reasons for not having any contact with my ex husband, which makes it fine.
15:53
Well, you know, it's it's hard to divorce somebody when all of your sisters and everybody's like, ah, in the family, right? We're like, wait, what? What about Rick?
16:04
That's funny. He's still family. He's but we still, and I love him even more now, because you're happy, and it's nice that you guys have this good relationship, and we still get to see him on his terms, and you on your terms, and the two of you together and you're happy, and that's what's important. Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, all right, I'm gonna show a wheel. Okay. You ready for this? Always nervous.
16:36
I can hear it. Oh, you can Okay, I can hear it follow
16:41
through. Oh, my God, this is something I need to talk about. I don't like it. Oh, okay, let's hear what you have to say about it. I need help with it.
16:51
Why? I need you to coach me right now. How do you need help with it? No, I mean, just follow through is so important in so many aspects of life, right? I mean, everything, relationships, business, I mean, you name it, and it's not an easy thing to do, because, like for me, I am just, I have my hands in a lot of different things, you know. And so it's the follow through with customers, you know, following back up. How did you like your order? What's and I know that's something I really struggle with. And like calendaring it and making it happen and but you, you can't just start a project and not finish it, right? You have to have that follow through. And that is like my ex husband used to, I say they're a really good starter, like somebody who'll just, you know, start a project or start a diet, but like nobody, they don't follow through to the end to see what the end result is. So it's, and it's, I think it's hard when you have your hands in so many different places. Just keep that focus and be like, Hey, this is what I need to do. I gotta get to the end of this so that the next process can start. You know, I think that there are two really important things when it comes to follow through. Because, in my opinion, follow through is upholding a healthy boundary, right? And there's two things that are imperative to a healthy boundary, coming from a place of self love and managing your time from a place of self love, yep, and what that means is, it's so fascinating. It's funny because I just posted this in my group today. I saw that was reading this article, and it was about how we don't see ourselves as worthy, and why women, especially are constantly want to give. Want to give, want to do for everybody. And the quote was, you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
18:43
And it's like, that is perfect, right? So here's the thing, and time management is such a weird thing, because when I talk with my clients about time management, it's it's hard for us to connect time management to self care, but time management is the key to self care. It absolutely is the key to self care. And I'm learning that now, yeah, and follow through is an essential part of time management. So there's a practice that I teach my people. So first, first thing is, when you decide that you're going to do something, are you deciding that because you love yourself. So you used weight loss as an example. So if I decide I'm going to start a diet and exercise program, and I decide that because I love myself, and I say to myself enough, I am not treating myself with love, I'm abusing myself. I feel uncomfortable for whatever reasons, overweight, achy, tired, no energy, all these things and and I I really dig into that and say I'm doing this to me, like the choices I'm making of what I put in my body, the choices I'm making of where I don't move, my body is creating this result.
20:00
And this is how I feel, and then going, why would I do that? Why do I tell myself I deserve that? And really exploring everything around it, because then you connect to that emotion that helps you realize in that gut punch moment, she did this to me. Mm, hmm, I fucking did this to me. And then stay there with that, and just go enough, right? And then you start to learn to love yourself. What a lot of people do is, I, you know, I should be a size six, or people tell me I'm overweight, or my clothes don't fit, right? So I gotta do this. I gotta do this. But they never connect to the emotion of why it's important. And it's the same thing with what we don't do. So people come to us and they say, oh, I need you this. I need you that you're like, oh god. I don't want them to think that I'm not supportive. I don't we set ourselves on fire to keep somebody else warm. It's not important to us, whether it's making Christmas ornaments with the kids or what, uh, what else, or anything else, right? Or showing up in a PTA meeting, or it was supporting a neighbor, God knows what, if we're not doing it from a place of love, like, sometimes we'll do things we don't want to do because you're like, especially when you have kids, like, when I think about the water polo tournaments I sat at because I love Connor, right? Yeah, fucking hate sitting at water polo tournaments, but it's like, I'm here because I love you, right, right? But if you're here, if you do something, which we often do, and we'll show up a place. You're like, I hate being here. I don't want to be here. I don't like anybody here, right? And you're just making yourself sick being there. It's like, you take on a commitment that means nothing to you, that you really don't want to do, instead of saying no because you're afraid of what other people will think of you, right? And so then why would you follow through? It doesn't mean anything to you, right? Or it does mean something to you, but you're already over committed, and you haven't stopped. And you looked at, okay, if I say yes to this, let me actually break out my calendar and I want to say yes to this. And I'm looking at my calendar and I'm like, Okay, well, everything here needs to stay here, so that means that I want to say yes to this, and I can start it in six weeks, right? I want to say yes to you, but I can start it in two weeks, and you want it done in one week, but it will take me four weeks to get right, right? And we don't do that because that's boundaries, right? That's boundaries. That's your self love. That's your like, no, this doesn't work in my schedule right now. I cannot do it. I will do it later. And I mean, I've learned that too with scheduling, like my cabbie parties, right? I mean, I have customers who I need it. I need it at that time, or I want this. And when I first started, I was like, okay, okay, I need your business. Now I'm like, No, that does not work for me. You know I can. I am whatever. I'm court reporting that day. I have a commitment already, you know what? If you want me, you will work with me and you will schedule it when I when it's available for me, because that's when I can work my business. And those boundaries are a ton of self love. And sometimes it's like, no, I'm not going to start it early because I don't know. I have a class, I have a yoga class I want to be at, so we're going to push it back an hour, because my body needs to move and stretch in the morning, you know, so I can function the whole rest of the day. And that's such an important part of self care that 99% of women I work with don't do it's like, I have, like, I'm looking at my calendar. It's in front of me. It's got yoga lotties Tomorrow at 630
23:28
right? And somebody might call and say, Oh, hey, I need you to do something. Another can you be there at seven? And a lot of people go, Oh, I just won't go to yoga. So I could be there for you. No, the answer is, No, I can't, because I'll be in yoga till 730 and then people will say, Well, isn't that selfish? And they'll say, selfish means that you're doing something at the cost or at a penalty to someone else, right? So it's selfish not to because you're doing it a penalty for yourself, right? So you said you want coaching on this. So give me a specific example, because I love this. Give me a specific example of something that happened with you recently about follow through.
24:07
Well, for me, it's because I'm court reporting full time, right? And for people that don't know how court reporting works, it's like a 24 around the clock. So honestly, that's something I've had to work with, boundaries too, and scheduling, because I literally could just be a slave to my computer if I allowed myself to be. You know, so and I never know, like, the last two days, I've had all day depots. So I one day it was 180 pages. The other day it was yesterday was 150 pages. So
24:38
the follow through for me, where I'm lacking is setting aside that time, like today, I should set aside, like two hours where I just connect with customers. Look at, you know, I mean, CAVI is what I love. It's my fun job. It's, you know, I love making women feel good. I love all of it so. But how much better would that business be if I just set aside.
25:00
That three hours and called them, Hey, how's your sweater that you ordered? Does it working for you? Do you know that this matches with it? Blah, blah, blah, right, right. And so that's the follow through that I'm always lacking, because my my brain immediately says, Well, you need to finish that depo, and that depot is going to make you $500 when you turn it in. That call is not going to make you any money, which I know isn't true, because I know in the long run, that call is going to make me money, you know. So it's that mindset, too, and that's what I've really been working on and and I know it and I say it, but when I and so, like, I have on Tuesdays, I like, every Tuesday cabbie day, and guess what happens every Tuesday, I'm like, Oh, you need me to take a depot, okay, sure, I'll take it, yeah, and I don't do it, yeah, yeah. And here's the thing, like, what you said, right? Is that, you know, what you invest in, cabbie today will make money tomorrow, right? This is a relationship building business that will grow the business. It will. And so that thought of this isn't making money now, is the thought that's stopping you from committing to that time of following through with cabbie. So when you say, Put two hours on my calendar for cabbie, what's your thought about that?
26:13
Is your thought that doesn't make money? No, no. I think I've I um, I don't like it doesn't scare me. I think, thought about it, you I say, I guess, Christy, put two hours on every Wednesday to do cabbie. My immediate thought that comes to my head is, how am I going to know when that's going to be? Because I never know my schedule of court reporting. That's where it goes, like so and so. Answer that question for me in a statement. So I have to put two hours on Wednesday for cabbie, the thought in the form of a statement. Because when we ask ourselves questions like that, how will I know? What will I do? The best thing to do is answer that for yourself. So how do you put that thought in the in the form of statement? I mean, I guess I would just say, like, I need to calendar it and not take a depot that day, right? Or like what you said to me, though was, how will I know if I will have a depot? So in a statement, that would be, but I might have a depo to take up that time, right, right? So put two hours on the calendar for CAVI. I might have a depot that will, let's say, conflict with that time, right? When you think I might have a depo that conflicts with that time. How do you feel
27:24
overwhelmed? Like, where is that going to go? Where is that now or and I could just say, it's not that freaking hard. I could say, Okay, let's say I scheduled 10 to 12 for cavid. Let's say the depot ends at 12, right? So from 12 to two, I could just do, I could push it back, right? It does. The thing is to look at and really let yourself stay here, because a lot of times what we do is not look at what our unintentional thought, that thought that your brain just pops up on its own. I might have a depot to override it. And when we don't stay with that thought and see the result it's creating and like, let it sink in, right? And our brain is constantly trying to jump ahead to but I could, but I could, but you still don't. That's not working for you. Right? Exactly, right, telling yourself I could. And the reason what is like a saying, what if? Right? Yeah. And the reason is, is because you, at this point believe that thought, that thought of I might have a depot, is much stronger than any other thought, and it's the one that your brain is going to bring up unintentionally. And then you go with the story of that. So when you say, I have to put two hours on the calendar for cabbie, and your thought is, I might have a depo that conflicts with that. And it's honest. It's honestly not the depot part. It's because that's the actual writing on the machine, right? The transcript part. Those are, what are that homework that's constantly hanging on my head that, like, oh, that's due today. I've got to get it in, you know, so I might have a transcript then, yeah, it's, actually, it's the transcript because, like, for instance, like, I send out my work to a scopist, and then she sends it to a proofreader, and then it comes back to me, and then I, you know, final eyes on it, like and for instance, today, I don't have a depot today, but I have seven transcripts that are due, and I'm waiting for one to come back from the Scopus, which is due today. And I in my head today, I was like, Oh, good. I have a, like, a free day. I'm using air quotes. It was never really a free day. But I'm going to, you know, I'm going to make some phone calls today for Gabby, and then I'm looking at my schedule, my shit, that Job's due today, so I need to turn that in, you know? So that's that. Where that whole start, I just start spiraling, right? So when you have that feeling of overwhelm, let's look at some of the actions you do take. What actions do you take when you're feeling overwhelmed,
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