When you emerge from breast cancer treatment, it’s not uncommon to feel out of alignment with life.
Something about facing our mortality causes us to reevaluate things.
So how do you realign yourself?
How do you take the steps towards the future version of your life?
In this episode, I’ll give you four simple, key steps to help you move your life into alignment with your desires.
Check it out now and think about your next decision.
Referred to in this episode:
The Four Pillars of Breast Cancer Recovery
Cancer Patients vs. Cancer Survivors – Jubilee Media
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Read the full transcript:
0:00
You're listening to better than before breast cancer with the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. I'm a certified life coach, and I'm a breast cancer thriver. In this podcast, I will give you the skills and the insights and the tools to move past the emotional and physical trauma of a breast cancer diagnosis. If you're looking for a way to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer, you've come to the right place. Let's get started.
0:33
You are listening to Episode 350 are better than before breast cancer. And I'm your host, Laura Lummer. This is an exciting episode. There's a lot of exciting things happening right now. And I want to talk about some of those exciting things. I think, no, I know that a common thing that I hear and something I experienced myself after having breast cancer, and this can go on for a long time is this sense that life just is out of alignment? You know, I hear from people all the time I feel lost. I feel misunderstood. I feel like life doesn't fit right anymore. And there's something to that, right. I call it the lifting of the veil, we get a breast cancer diagnosis. And it's like we've had this veil over our eyes where we saw life one way and then suddenly we get a cancer diagnosis and this veil lifts and our thoughts change. And we kind of look at life and we go, Is this really what I want? Is this working for me? What would work for me? What am I willing to let go of what do I want to invite in. And so a lot of thought can go into that a lot of energy can go into that. And a lot of feeling stuck can go into that if you don't know what to do about it. So first of all, to share some good news. So when this podcast episode comes out, this will be a week ago of Sunday, May 26. This podcast is coming out on May 31. And Sunday, Jubilee media, which is a big YouTube channel released an episode of their program called middle ground. And I was in that episode with seven other amazing human beings. Four of us were people who have a cancer diagnosis and are in treatment currently. And the other four are people who've had a cancer diagnosis and are now free of disease.
2:23
And I gotta tell you, there were some amazing conversation. I mean, some of these people, I was by far the oldest one in the group. So it was really fascinating to see kids younger than my youngest son, I say kids, you know, they're men, they're in their 20s. But they're younger than my kids. Just so full of wisdom and inspiration and sincerity. And every single one of them was doing something to give back, inspire others, give people more knowledge, give people more support it just something in their part of the world. And it was amazing to see. And it was really fantastic to be a part of a link to that show, here in the show notes for this episode that you can find at the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash 350. Or you can just find them where you're listening to the show or watching it on YouTube just below. So go ahead and check that out. I think it was really cool. And I think that when you see some of those people, they'll inspire you as well. I always like finding someone new to follow on Instagram, right? That's really positive and inspirational. So that was really exciting news. And then I'm also appearing on the food healed me Summit, which is going on right now. I will link to that also here in the podcast show notes. And the food helped me Summit is just an amazing summit with many, many people who have used food and nutrition to support their ability to heal their bodies, from cancer to multiple sclerosis, psoriasis, many, many things. So it's a really interesting mix of how people use food to support themselves. I want to be really clear. When I think about my healing, when I think about how widespread my cancer is and how it's just not anymore. I don't attribute it all to food. But I do attribute diet to a huge, huge piece of it. Because I know how diet has supported the healthy cells in my body. I know how maintaining and accomplishing a certain metabolic state has influenced my energy, my clarity of thinking, my weight, my digestion, my sleep, everything. I know that food has a huge part that I would never want to just say food is the one thing and I think that would be a misrepresentation food, along with mental emotional work, exercise, saunas, therapies, supplements, all the things that I do have been a big part of my healing. But food is super important and I often think people don't give it the importance that it deserves and that
5:00
Maybe we perceive a healthy diet in one way that perhaps isn't accurate, at least not 100% accurate. Anyway, a link to the summit here, you can join it for free. I think it goes on for another 13 days or something. By the time this show comes out lots of good information in there, not only people have had personal experiences, but medical professionals speaking to nutrition as a part of their practice as well. Really good stuff. So I hope you check it out. And just speaking about good things happening makes me think this past month in my better than before breast cancer membership in my power membership, we have focused on living a life without limits. And what that means is looking at how we limit ourselves from doing the things we want to do, from feeling the way we want to feel from anything, anything at all in life and believing the things we want to believe giving ourselves a chance. So I started off by saying, you know, sometimes we get a breast cancer diagnosis, we do what we have to do to survive, we come out of cancer, and that's when everything hits. That's when everybody starts to feel lost. And I see a lot of times, people jump in right there with both feet and say I need some help here, I need some support. Sometimes they don't. And sometimes years later, someone will come to me, and they've just really felt misaligned with life for a very long time.
6:15
This last month, I gotta tell you, I have celebrated with so many clients on so many successes, and just watched how the work they've done over time. It's not just what's happened this month, the work they've done over time. Many of my clients have been with me for four years now and amazing. And to see where they started and just see what they've done, the work they've done to support themselves, and how their lives are not only aligning with what they wanted to create, but how much easier it is becoming for them. And you know, I have a program called Becoming you. And it's kind of like this becoming you 2.0. And it's talking about looking at, you know, how we stay kind of stuck in life. And why we do that, and exploring some thoughts about like, Why do you stay here? What happens here? And what benefit are we getting from not? courageously stepping through these limits or breaking through these limits are starting to address these limits. And I created that because I just saw this happen so much. And it really speaks to my foundation of coaching, which is the four pillars of breast cancer recovery. So let's talk about how do you align a life? Why did I even create the four pillars of breast cancer recovery? And then what are the actual four steps to moving your life into alignment with what you feel called to what you feel in your soul, what you feel in your heart, what you really want to create the life that you want to live, not the one you think you're supposed to, you have two people told you to, but what you really and truly want, because that to me is a life that's better than before breast cancer, right? Breaking Through those limits and living a life that you love. So
8:04
my four pillars of breast cancer recovery start with release releases the first pillar, but I think when it comes to aligning life releases like one B, and one A is making a decision. A decision is the most impactful thing. Because a decision moves you from a place of I hope, I wish I wonder maybe one day and moves you out of that space of having no power and no agency and waiting for the world to happen into a place where you've said, This is what I'm doing. This is what I want. This is what I don't want. This is what I'm creating. This is what I'm available for. That is what I'm not available for right really making a decision. any area of your life, food, exercise, relationships, careers, hobbies, anything at all, right? We dream, we wonder we wish we wait. But if you want to bring your life into alignment with what you really want, you've got to decide what it is. You've got to be able to state it clearly. This is something I work a lot with my clients on in what's called the self coaching model is getting clear on their thoughts because we tend to speak in generalities. This always happens, this happens. A lot of that happens this usually goes this way. This is always the way it's been. And when we can zone in and get really clear and specific with our language and our thoughts then we get better direction. So when it comes to wanting to change the alignment, even figure out why it feels like life doesn't fit or why it feels like something else is calling to you. It's making a decision is the beginning. Right? That's step one A and when you make that decision, that's what really moves you into the first pillar of breast cancer recovery. So I'll give you my own personal example for me that decision was this sucks. Right? I went through breast cancer treatment I got out of breast cancer treatment. My body was a hot mess.
10:00
My emotions were a hot mess. My life wasn't where I wanted it to be, I wasn't doing the work I wanted to do. And something was really calling to me to serve other survivors to serve other women who I was meeting who were experiencing the same frustrations and suffering that I was there was something there, and I just said, I'm gonna do something about this. I'm going to figure out how to do something about this. Right? That was the first decision. So number one, aligning your life is deciding what you want, even if it's not clear. Sometimes people say, man, no, I want another job. There's no job that exists like that, or there's no business that exists like that. There's no title for it. That was the same for me. When I started, I Googled everybody. And I was looking around for exactly what I wanted to do. And there was nothing there. And that's okay. Because it was what I was being called to create, right? So it doesn't necessarily have to be that we have a label for something that we want or don't want, but maybe we can describe, I don't want to feel this way anymore. Or I do want to feel that way. Or I want to put something into the world or my perfect day would look like this, it would start at this time I would do these things we end this way. And we just start putting some creative juices into what is the big picture without a label? What I want it to feel like look like how do I want to experience this life. And then once you do that, once you make a decision, once you move from, I wish, I wonder hope we'll see, too. I mean,
11:28
first thing that happens is your brain will throw out all kinds of fear, all kinds of limiting thoughts, this is why you can't do it, this will never work that never worked in the past, it's not going to work now, so and so will judge me, this is what they'll think about me, all the fear comes up. And that's what you want, you will all that stuff to bubble to the surface. That's why the first pillar is release, you've got to let that go. We've got to be able to look at all the thoughts that come into our head. And instead of believing that they're true, just because their thoughts, write them down, get them out of your head, look at them, and then start doing the work on them. Is this really true? does this serve me? Does this move me closer to the life I want to be living right now? Is this helping me nourish my body the way I want to? Is this helping me believe in myself? Is this helping me be kinder to myself? And if not, we can choose new thoughts. And we can choose to say you know what, just because that thought pops up in my head doesn't mean I have to believe it doesn't mean I have to put energy into thinking about it. Because that thought isn't even true. And if it is true, it doesn't work for me. So I get to choose something else that is true for me. So when we go through that process of release, and it takes time, right, we're conditioned to think a certain way by family, culture, society, religion, friends, all the things that influence us. So release is really significant. Because as we identify thoughts, behaviors, things that hold us back, we create space by letting them go. And when we create that space, now we can be kinder to ourselves, we start to let things go. And then we start to say, It's okay that I did that. Right? It's okay that I decided that that relationship that I had with whoever you had it with, just didn't serve me anymore, and doesn't make them bad and doesn't make me mean, it just wasn't serving anyone, right? That job or the way I did that job or the hours that I was staying up at night, they just doesn't mean I had to judge them away. It just means I had to realize I need to let that go wasn't working for me anymore. When we do that, we start to renew ourselves by believing in ourselves by giving us ourselves, gentleness, and grace and kindness because your brain will go right into judging you all the time. Right? Good, bad, good, bad all the time. I get messages and comments and questions all the time. Is this bad? Is this bad?
13:48
What if nothing was bad? What if nothing was bad, and nothing was good? What if everything was just is this working for me right now? Is this working for my life right now? And we're in that pillar of renewal? We're asking ourselves, is this working for me and making different choices? And deciding that it's okay to try new things? I get a lot of people that have a lot of fear about trying new things. Because we think that when we decide we want something, then we have to do it in a certain way. And if that way doesn't lead to the outcome you thought it would, then you're a failure.
14:25
But I like to say you have no idea what's going to work until you get there and you look back and you say oh, that's how it worked. So when we decide to renew ourselves by practicing new things, meeting new people, making changes, experimenting with new things, traveling, more writing more painting more reading more. We don't have to just stick to one plan. But we can make a decision for the first step and say I think this might be the best first step. And we take the first step, and we say, is it working? Does it serve me? Do I feel like I'm becoming more aligned? Do I feel like it's
15:00
giving me ideas that are supporting me. In moving closer to the life I want to be living, and to becoming the person I want to become. We start moving forward thinking for it. And if the answer is no, then it's okay to move on to something else. We have to be patient and graceful with ourselves. Because the first thing is a decision. The second thing is letting go of the limiting thoughts. And then the third thing is practicing new stuff. Life is a practice. You're never gonna get it right. It's never going to be perfect. It just doesn't work that way. Right? Some things work out. And they're awesome. So I guess I shouldn't say you never get it right. Sometimes we get it, right. We're like, oh, yeah, awesome. Fantastic. Most of the time, we don't know if we're getting it right until we've already done it. And sometimes we don't get it right. And it's okay to not get it right, because they aren't practicing and figuring it out. Everything is a practice, everything is an experiment. And as we experiment, and we practice, and we expose ourselves to new things, and we learn, this works for me, and this doesn't work for me. This is moving me closer the life I want to live, this is not perfectly okay. In doing that we release more we release more judgment, we release more self judgment, self rating, right? We braid ourselves all the time, we release these ideas of failure, like I'm a failure if I don't do something exactly right. So as we move into this practice of life, it ties right back. We're renewing ourselves, we're practicing self compassion. We're learning about new things. And we're learning to release ideas that feel bad to us, especially ideas and thoughts we have about ourselves, right? We decide what we're going to do. We let go the thoughts that come up and limit us hurt us and cause us suffering. And we just practice. And we try new things. And we keep experimenting. And what happens is every time we do that, fear comes up fear so powerful. And we learn sometimes how to do things when we feel nervous when we feel fearful, because we started to look at how much we care about ourselves and the life we want to create. We start this future vision of ourselves, we look forward instead of thinking from the past. And as we do that, and we give ourselves grace. And we practice changing the thoughts that used to limit us. And we practice adopting new ways of thinking that create a life that's better and fulfilling and more joyful, and relationships that have healthy boundaries, even when it's hard, because it is hard. As we practice new things in life, it's hard. It's hard, because they don't align with what we used to believe that we realized doesn't serve us. And sometimes it's hard because it's just uncomfortable. You had a conversation with someone the other day is an uncomfortable spot in a relationship. And this person knows that this relationship isn't working. And it isn't that the other person is bad, or that something horrible has happened. It's just not working. But we tend to judge ourselves in that situation and say, We're bad. We're mean, we should overlook it. But when we're going through this practice of aligning our life, one thing that's super important is we've got to be honest with ourselves. We've got to be transparent about what actually is happening. Because otherwise, we're still in the wishbone. Maybe this will change I hope it'll get better. Maybe they'll see maybe it'll be different. But when we start when we say this is what is right now. Right? This is truthful. And it's hard sometimes to do that. Because we judge ourselves again, as being mean,
18:28
when we just look at stuff and say this is what it is. And I can decide that exactly as it is right now works for me, or it doesn't. And that's okay. Because we can use that thought and say it's just not in alignment with where my life is going.
18:43
And that it's not mean and it's not bad. It's just the truth.
18:48
And when we start practicing that way of thinking, we start practicing, deciding, letting go of limiting thoughts, doing things, even when it's uncomfortable. And even when we're fearful about the outcome. And we start practicing believing in ourselves, being gentle with ourselves, being compassionate with ourselves, it starts to get easier, right? We say practice makes perfect. When we practice these steps over and over again, deciding letting go practicing new things, loving ourselves through it. being compassionate, and being patient because it takes time. It starts to become easier. It starts to feel like it flows. We start to see our successes, and we celebrate those successes. We recognize I did that and it feels good. I stood up for myself and I love it. I used my voice and it meant something to me. I made a decision. I think one of the hardest things I ever did was making a decision after stage four cancer diagnosis to leave a job of 13 years a career that paid me well gave me good benefits because it wasn't in alignment with my future self.
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And I knew that if I wanted to heal, one of the things I had to do was align my life with where I wanted to go. And that meant I had to let go of that job that gave me security and benefits. And I had to put my money and my trust and my faith in me to create this life, this life of putting into the world when I wanted to put into it. And I had to believe in myself, that was a super hard decision to make. And I'm not by no means telling you to quit your job. I'm just saying, that's what I knew I needed. But then once I did it, once I decided it took me months from the time I decided to the time I did it many months. But when I made the decision, I started working on the thoughts and getting the information and putting together the plan that I needed to. So that I felt confident and safe enough to actually take the action to move forward. And then I celebrated that I did this. And now I can believe in myself a little more. And now I could do more. And now I could take the next step. And this is how alignment works. Right? Start with the decision. And then work on what needs to let go of what limits you what holds you back. Believe in yourself with gentleness and kindness. And don't be afraid to try new things. Or if you are afraid to try them anyway. And tell yourself I'm trying this. I'm figuring this out. I'm figuring out how to align the bus here. How do I get an alignment until I start to figure out the way alignment flows in my life, then it doesn't feel like such an effort to manifest something doesn't feel like such an effort to decide on something, it starts to just become natural to love and trust yourself and your intuition. And life starts to fall into place. Now again, it's a practice, it takes time. It doesn't happen all at once. But it starts with the decision. Can you make the decision on what it is that you want in your life, and what it is that you don't want in your life, this is the way we move into alignment. And if you would like to dig deeper into that, you can check out my course the four pillars of breast cancer recovery, where it's a 16 week course and includes coaching, it's a do it yourself all the time that you want. And it takes you through a lot of really meaningful practices, and skills and tools in how to release stuff and how to renew yourself and how to regroup your life. That third pillar of breast cancer recovery is regroup. It's letting go of things that limit you learning how to love yourself, renew yourself, treat yourself well. And once you're there deciding what works for me, let me regroup this. Let me work on it. Because then that fourth pillar is revived when we regroup and we celebrate our successes and we start to see that we're living the life we want to live that's worthy of celebration. It really truly is. You can find all the details on the four pillars of breast cancer recovery on my website, the breast cancer recovery coach.com And you can find the link to it just below here when you're listening this podcast in the shownotes Alright, so think about those steps. Think about implementing them. If you have questions come and find me on Facebook, the breast cancer recovery coach DME let me know your questions. Let me know your thoughts. I'd love to hear them. Alright friends, I'll talk to you again soon. Until then be good to yourself.
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