#33 Five Ways to Let Transformation Flow in to Your Life

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Surviving breast cancer isn't just about medical battles—it's a journey with more unexpected turns than one can anticipate after that initial diagnosis.

Change is inevitable; it manifests in our physical, emotional, spiritual, financial spheres, and beyond. Feeling unprepared or overwhelmed by these shifts?

Tune into this episode of The Breast Cancer Recovery Coach. Here, we dive into our inherent resistance to transformation. More importantly, I'll share five straightforward steps to navigate these changes, enabling you to embrace transformation and craft the life you've always envisioned. Your path to healing and transformation starts here.

Resources for Episode 33:

Tasha Eurich Ted Talk
Study on Happy Survivors

    

 


 

Read the full transcript:

0:01
This is Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm a healthy lifestyle coach, a clinical Ayurveda specialist, a personal trainer, and I'm also a breast cancer survivor. In this podcast, we talk about healthy thinking and mindfulness practices, eating well, moving your body for health and longevity. And we'll also hear from other breast cancer survivors who have reengaged with life, and have incredible stories to share. This podcast is your go to resource for getting back to life after breast cancer. Hello, welcome to episode 33 of the breast cancer recovery coach. I am Laura Lummer. And today you are listening to five steps to letting transformation flow into your life. So before we get into the show, I just want to start off as always, with expressing my gratitude by thanks for listening to the show, for taking the time to leave reviews and leave stars and ratings and for subscribing to the podcast. I really, really appreciate the time it takes for you to do that. And I'm so happy that you find value in the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. So thank you so much and keep it coming. If you can take the time to go to the iTunes Store and leave a positive review or just click on some stars that really helps the show become easier and easier for other people to find who may need to hear what's in it. So thanks again. And let's get right into this. So for several years now, I've shared my story as a breast cancer survivor from the perspective of overcoming the physical and emotional challenges that come during and after breast cancer treatment. I've talked about how I overcame my frustrations, and used natural treatments like Whole Foods, herbal medicine, exercise and mindfulness to work through my challenges without relying on prescription drugs and, and dealing with the side effects that I was experiencing when I was using those therapies. I've talked about my weight loss challenges and how I learned to be gentle with myself and to manage my own expectations of my healing. But when I sat down at my desk the other morning to do some work on an online coaching program that I'm developing, it occurred to me that there's an important part of my message that I really felt needed some clarity. And although eating right, exercising mindfulness and all the things that I talked about on a regular basis, and that I love are super important are critical to healing. But there's one challenge that you must overcome as a survivor, in order to move into living a vibrant and thriving life, not just to surviving life, you must surrender to transformation. going through cancer is a life changing experience. Life changing, ladies, right. And what it means by default is that you don't come out on the other side, the same way that you went in a huge shift occurs and you have faced your own mortality. You were bluntly and violently reminded that life is just a temporary state of being the life you were living one day was not the same life you were living. After you got the phone call, or you went to visit the doctor and you were told that you had cancer. And yet one of the most common things that I hear, and what I had to overcome myself is the idea that we want to get back to the way we were before we had cancer. How many times have you heard yourself say, I just want things to be the way they used to be. I want to look the same. I want to feel the same, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I know I was stuck in that place for so long. It took me probably close three to five years before I realized that in the area of my physical well being, I was still living in the past, or I was trying to. And I finally stopped to take my own advice, and worked on being present in my body. And that's when I had to accept that this body that has been through cancer, chemotherapy, multiple surgeries, hardcore pharmaceuticals, thrown into menopause overnight, that this body was still beautiful, still strong, healthy, and still deserving of top notch care. You know what I mean? It's that when you look at yourself, or you look at something beautiful, and you say, Oh, I'll get that for myself when I lose 10 pounds. Oh, I would wear that if I looked better in it. Oh, I would do that for myself. If if if right if I get to the next step if my body served me in a different way. And yet, this is the ball Ready, this is the life that we have now, and you are deserving of the very, very, very best care right now, exactly as you are. And I realized I didn't need to fight my body to get it to become what it used to be, I needed to embrace it, to love it for it is now and how it continues to serve me well, and to support myself and becoming the best I can be now, as opposed to what I used to be, then I had to let go of wanting something that was in the past. So I could move forward in peace and, and happiness and in harmony with myself. Similarly, when you know, there's something that you want to move forward to, but you can't let go of what you're familiar with, in order to take those steps towards your desired state of living, you're really stuck in an unhealthy place, because you're fighting the inevitable thing in life, which is change, which is transformation. So there's this idea of cognitive dissonance. And what that means is that we hold two conflicting ideas, or two conflicting values. And when we do that, we actually create discomfort in our own mental state. So we we create psychological stress for ourselves. Let me give you an example. So you've been through cancer. And in the course of that experience, you hopefully examined your life, you assessed what was really important to you. And maybe you realized that some relationship in your life or some relationships weren't what you wanted them to be, they needed to be strengthened, or they needed to be improved in some way. Or maybe you realize that some relationships needed to be let go of, maybe you realized you need a career change. So you can allow yourself to follow a new passion or find happiness in what you do for work every day. Or maybe you thought that you needed to make some drastic changes to your diet and to your exercise routine. And I'm not just talking about making changes, because someone else told you, you read it in a magazine that you had to do these things because it was best for you. You heard it on someone's podcast, I'm talking about you knew that these changes were something on your life path, because you had an internal sensation of something that was drawing you forward, that glowing or burning or tingling, or however you label it, it's an inside out knowing and not an outside in one. It's that moment when you truly know in your heart in your soul, I need to change this. This is not where I want to be. Yet, even though you know, and you had that feeling and that experience and you knew you needed to do this thing, you still haven't done it, you haven't taken action, you have neither allowed it to change, nor taking the steps towards creating that change. And in fact, you probably still wrestle internally with where you want to be in your life, versus where you are in your life. But you just stay there, because it's what you're used to. And making big changes can be scary. But not making those changes is worse. I would rather be scared and growing uncomfortable and stagnant and unhappy, unfulfilled any day. So as long as you're trying to get back to the way you used to be, you cannot move forward and create your best healthiest life. And we know as survivors of cancer, that the time limit for living is real. And that's not to say that you're destined for a relapse, but that life is short. And we never know how much time we had. So don't let it pass you by struggling to regain something that's long gone. Now I meet women all the time who are still trying to figure out why they had cancer. They want to know why did this happen to me? And you know what? They're asking the wrong question.

9:21
Tasha Urich, who is an organizational psychologist and the author of the book Insight has a TED talk that's titled increase your self awareness with one simple fix. In this talk, she discusses some detailed research that her company conducted on self awareness. And what they found was that people who ask themselves why about different life situations were more prone to feeling depressed, and as if they had less control over their lives. However, people who asked what, when contemplating their life situations, moved forward with their lives and were more able to to take action towards what mattered most of them. After I listened to this presentation, well, first of all, I stopped and immediately bought her book in sight. But I also thought about the differences I see in those who are dealing with cancer, and those who are rebuilding their life after cancer. And I realize she is so right. Because it's the women that I see who are stuck in why is this happening to me? Who feel disempowered and victimized by this disease? But for those I meet, who ask themselves questions, like, what can I do to enjoy my life during treatment? What are the things I want to accomplish in life that I haven't given priority to? Because, hey, I want to get to that. Or Best of all, what can I use from this experience to benefit my life or the life of someone else? They search for the silver lining, right? I see these women still glowing, still loving life, and living with and surviving after cancer in a completely different way than the other women who are stuck in the why, and why can't things go back to the way they used to be? They are resisting transformation. I remember being out on a walk with my husband shortly after wrapping up the final stages of my reconstruction. And I told him that I'd been feeling a very strong need to go back to college, I told him that I could see how all of my experience and yoga or your Veda and personal training would come together beautifully working as a healthy lifestyle coach for breast cancer survivors. And I had found a degree program that would add nutrition science, Exercise Science and behavior change to my background and tie everything together beautifully. And I just thought this is a fantastic launching pad for what I am so passionate about and the work that I want to do. Well, my husband is a great guy. And he's really good at thinking carefully before he speaks most of the time. But when he doesn't like an idea at all, he usually will just nod and not respond verbally. Well, I got the nod when I gave him that information. And I was really not expecting that because he's always so supportive. So I said, Of course, I can see you're not thrilled with this idea. And he told me that he just didn't feel comfortable with spending all the money on this degree, investing my time to earn it. And then starting a new business at this stage in our lives. He liked the job that I already had, the income is good, the benefits are great. And he felt very comfortable with our life the way that it was, again, not the response I was anticipating. And I did take the time to consider his feelings and mull over the conversation for a while. But I could not ignore that burning sensation within me in my heart in my chest. That was compelling me to move forward. I knew that I would not be happy and fulfilled continuing with my life, the way that it was after everything that I've been through. I knew, I knew that I needed to work with other survivors and empower them to heal from cancer and move forward with their lives. So I registered for classes. And for the next two years, I was up until 2am doing homework on a regular basis. I was parked in front of my computer from sunup to sundown every weekend, and I missed out on a lot of time with my family. I spent a lot of money on tuition and supplies. But I knew I had to do it. And I don't have a single regret. Because that's why you're listening to my voice right now. And I still believe because of this that that that was the right step on my path, my journey in this life. Going with that gut feeling that was literally pulling me towards something allowed me to do what I love now. And now I mean other women all the time, who've gone through this transformation of breast cancer, and connected what with what is truly meaningful for them, and created lives they love as a result of it. I also get emails and have consultations with women who tell me they want to change their lives. They feel compelled to do things like starting a business or creating an event. Some tell me they need help changing the way they eat. They need to figure out how to live a healthier life. Or some just want to learn how to communicate more effectively, how to stand up for themselves in their relationships, how to communicate more transparently and constructively to create the relationships that they really want in their lives. And oftentimes, even though the change they want feels like it's burning a hole in their heart They're reaching out to someone else saying, will you help me with this, I know I need this. They will not do the work to change. Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of Eat, Pray, Love and have big magic writes in her book, Big Magic, that if you love and want something enough, whatever it is, then you don't really mind eating the shit sandwich that comes with it. Now I think about that saying a lot from the time I first read it, because following your internal prompt to chain feels good. It feels like you're on the right track. But it also comes with its own set of challenges. Maybe it's financial, maybe it's time, maybe it's dealing with the needs and emotions and opinions of other people because they're not on board with what you need to do for yourself. And but it's up to you to decide how much of that shit sandwich you're willing to eat to live the way you love. So Lisa Nichols who is an incredible net motivational speaker, and she's the author of two books no matter what and abundance now. And she says that there's a door for each one of us to go through in life. But the problem is that that door is only big enough for one person. And we often won't go through it because we want to carry everyone else through it with us. And I'm going to add here my own two cents. That is, especially women want to do this. But she tells us that if you are willing to walk through that door alone, you will come back and be with the ones you love as a better, stronger, more confident person who will be so much more used to their loved ones. So why do we fight transformation so hard? Why even after facing death, to some of us fight the change we know we want or need in our lives? Well, first of all, our brain is programmed to keep us safe. So when we start thinking about change, like getting up early to go for a walk, clearing all the packaged processed food out of the pantry, filling the fridge with fresh veggies, sitting down with our significant other, this is the hard one, and telling them what you really need from your relationship or adding more work to your busy schedule. By starting some gig on the side that's really important to you, our brains literally freak out. And they will try to stop us. Whatever you've been doing up to this point is what has kept you safe and comfortable, to some extent at least, and alive. And so when you present a big change to your brain, it sends off this cascade of neurological reactions that result in thoughts like hold on, throwing out those hostess cupcakes is really not going to end well. You know, you're going to want them back. And then you're just going to have to go out and buy a whole new box, don't waste these, you know, at least eat them before you start this new healthcare thing you're on. Or you want to do what? You know how much work that will take? What if you make a fool out of yourself, or what no one would want to buy that no one want to listen to you, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, fill in all of the self doubt, self deprecating ideas and fears that pop up. All of this, all of these questions. That's all it is, is fear. We all have it. Our brains are full of it. And so I'm not going to tell you to fight it. But I'm going to tell you to do what you need to do. Even though you're scared. I mean, you've already done that. Because if you're a cancer survivor, I know you were scared when you were told you had to do chemotherapy, or radiation or surgery. Hell yes, you were. It's terrifying. And when I sat down for that first infusion of chemotherapy, oh my God, I feel sick right now just saying it.

19:00
It literally took everything I had in me not to jump out of that chair and run bolt from that office. And I mean, seriously everything. I never felt such an incredible sensation of don't do this. Don't put this needle in my arm. I didn't want it. But I did want to live and I had a cancer that was already spreading. And I believed that. That was what I had to do. That was one gigantic shit sandwich that I had to eat to live. That was my perspective. The very first podcast that I did, I was sitting on the floor in my closet, because I had read that the clothes in the closet make the sound better. I had no clue what I was doing. I only knew I wanted to reach more people. So I sat there sweating literally because my closet was really hot. I sweated through it. My hands were shaking. I Uploaded, I hit the publish button. And I thought, Oh God, what if someone leaves a horrible review? What if someone says, like, Who is this woman think she is, or oh my god, this is the worst podcast I've ever listened to. I mean, I had no idea what to expect. And then I got the first download. And I was so excited someone download on my blog post, and then the second, and then that turned into dozens, and then that turned into hundreds. And now there have been 1000s of downloads. I started getting emails, I started getting Facebook messages, and I knew I was reaching people, and helping them, even though it was still scary. As I started to get more clients, I thought, what if someone needs something that I can't give them? I mean, seriously, fear is constant, everything that comes up, it's exciting. And you're like, Yeah, this is what I want this is my dream coming true. And then followed by, oh, what if you screwed up? What if it doesn't work, but you just have to check in with yourself, you have to make sure that you're coming from an authentic place, whatever you're doing, I always try to make sure that the work I do is with the intention of lifting others and supporting them to be who they want to be not who I think they should be. And then I trust that the right words, and the right direction will be there for both of us. Because I know this is the work I was meant to do. And I don't overcome fear, I just kind of go along with it. So now I'm back to you. What is the transformation you're resisting? If you take fear by the hand, and you say, Come on with me little shit, because we're gonna go do this. What is the first step you need to take? Just one one step is all I'm saying. Maybe you want to travel the world. One of my dreams is to travel the United States in a super cool RV. And I mean, decked out the stuff that you look at like the yacht of RVs for at least three months with my husband and see everything cool and eat up all the diners, drive ins and dives that I see on TV, and just enjoy this amazingly gorgeous landscape that we live in. So the first step, maybe, is to set aside every $5 bill you receive as change for something, if you want to start a little fund to travel the world or travel the United States, or even just, I don't know, go to Hawaii, a very dear friend of mine does this. And even though she is a single mother of three kids and does not have a large salary, she travels more than anyone I know. I mean, it's literally amazing to see how she always has a travel fund. But that is the thing that is the priority for her. So she sets that intention. And she makes that commitment to do something to make her life be what she wants it to be. Now, it's important not to get caught up in this minutia of well, if I leave who will take care of the house, the dogs, what are the plans when I'm gone? How will I get that much time off of work on and on. All that thinking it just messes you up, just just take one step at a time. Just acknowledge the transformation you want and take one step. If you want to lose weight, don't say I need to lose 40 pounds, I'm going to stop eating all my favorite treats Cold Turkey right now. I mean, holy cow that will bring up fear that grows larger than a Harry Potter dementor. You have to sneak things past fear sometimes, and then doesn't get so bad. Don't sit your significant other down and say, Hey, listen, I expect to receive fresh flowers from you twice a month, because that's the way I've always dreamed of being treated and I'm not getting any younger. So get on it. You know, some of the conversation that's more on the lines of I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the way I like to express my love to you. And the way I'd like to be loved in return. I realized that when I cook for you, I'm showing you how much I care about you. And that when you bring me flowers, it really means a lot to me that you enter that trouble. Maybe we could do things like that more often for each other. What do you think? And then doesn't feel like an attack. These small steps will begin to transform your life without overwhelming you. This will allow change to begin to flow into your life and it releases the resistance that comes from creating the life you want all at once one big gigantic Big Bang. If you're feeling the need for change, and there's something in your heart and your gut even if it isn't completely clear to you what that change is. But still, you know, something needs to shift, here's five steps you can take to stop resisting. And to begin letting that change flow effortlessly into your life. Number one, start writing about it. Write down what the vision of your perfect day is. Don't attach any reality to that all the obstacles of life that we have right now into this vision, because that's not what we're trying to figure out at this point. It's just your story of your perfect day, and include what time you want to wake up. What do you eat? Where do you go? Who do you talk to in that perfect day? How do you feel about living your life in that day? In that structure? How do you look? How active Are you look at all of those details. And that starts to create and help you to get clarity on this idea of this feeling of something that's driving you forward. And you can just write it over and over and over. And it sounds easy, right? Because I remember the first time that I heard of this exercise, and I thought, Oh, that's easy. I want to be on a beach in Fiji sipping lemondrop with the body like Rachael mcclish. Done, boom. But when I actually really started to write it, that wasn't true. That wasn't my reality of a perfect day. Although that sounds like a great vacation fantasy. It's not a fulfilling way of living my life. So also, when you revisit this vision, frequently, it begins to gain clarity. And you find yourself tweaking it along the way. You might even hear people or read a book or hear an idea and go, Oh, yeah, yeah, that would be a neat thing to have in my perfect day. And so you just keep writing it and rewriting it. And eventually, it becomes very clear what you want your life to look like. Number two, treat your transformation with a sense of urgency. Don't say, I'll get around to it. It'll happen eventually. But decide on the very simplest first step that you need to take. And then do that today. Even if you're not completely clear, but you know, some direction just a little step. Writing is a step figuring it out. But do it every day until you know. Now we've already established that time is ticking away. And the best time to begin living the life you want is right now it's today. Step number three, decide on at least one person that will support you, in this endeavor in your transformation. Make sure you pick that one person in your life who will be real, who will be transparent really tells you what they think in a constructive way. And who will support you no matter what. If you don't have someone like that in your life, then make the investment in yourself and hire a coach to do this for you. Because you need support. You need a person who gets it in someone who understands your need to change, who will be your sounding board when that change gets tough. Because there will be times when it's going to get tough. You need someone that you can be accountable to so you don't slip right back into your comfort zone. Or get caught up in living in the past when this tough spot comes up.

28:33
Number four, plan for setbacks. Whether you want to have a baby, change a job, change your diet, start an exercise plan, take an art class, it doesn't matter what it is, conflicts and challenges will come up because that's how life works. So no, this No, these are in your future, these road bumps and instead of throwing up your hands and giving up when one of those things occurs, decide upfront what you're going to do when these things happen. Don't allow yourself to say, Oh, I can't do that. Because I travel I have kids, I'm busy. Fill in the blank of why you can't. And then toss out that piece of paper. rather say because I travel, I will need to do this to make this work. Because I have kids, I will need to do this to make this work when things get crazy. Because my life is so busy. I will need to do this in order to fulfill my transformation when things get too crazy. So we're going to be solution oriented. Stop throwing out I can't find the problems. If you want this you got to figure out how to make it happen. And you have to carve out the time and you have to create a plan to manage it. All right. Number five, be realistic and consistent. That's kind of five and six, but I'm only doing five steps. So in putting together, whatever it is that you desire for your life, you had to plug away at it every single day. Even if it's a new workout routine, and you're only going to be working out in the gym three days a week, look for ways to sit less on the other days, to weave more activity into your life on the other days, maybe to watch a little less TV to just walk around the block a little bit extra. In addition to those three times a week, you're at the gym. This just helps you to keep an awareness and an intention, and a focus on the change you're creating. You want a more active lifestyle, that doesn't mean the gym three hours out of the week, or if you go 30 minutes a day, an hour and a half out the week and the rest of the week sitting on your butt. So create that idea of activity with consistency. When I decided to start my coaching business, I hired a coach to help me clarify my goals and define my next steps. We met twice a month, and I had a list of deliverables for her, which forced me to work every day to get these things ready. Even if it was just for a few minutes, I had to make sure that when I went back to my meeting with her twice a month, I had my stuff ready to go. This helped me move forward by leaps and bounds compared to what I was doing when I was doing it on my own. Because I could always find a reason not to write there was always a reason I didn't have time, I had no accountability. So there's a lot of truth to the saying that energy grows, where energy goes. So consistency and intention is essential to change. Even if your change is just accepting where you are today. That's work. And there are steps you can take every single day to begin allowing that acceptance and creating more harmony in your life. If you're listening to this show, and you're still undergoing cancer treatment, you may be thinking, hey, you know what, Laura, the only goal I have right now is to stay alive. And girl I am with you, my heart is with you. And I completely understand because that is for real. And that's why it's even more important for you to check in with yourself and to connect to the thing or the things that are important for you to live for. What do you have to do every day, to be sure you stay around as long as you can, giving attention to what is important to you in this life. In November of 2017 Psycho oncology published a study of 283 breast cancer survivors, which was evaluating their happiness and quality of life two years after treatment. What this study found was that happy survivors reported better general health status, better quality of life, and fewer symptoms than unhappy survivors. Happy survivors were also more likely to feel certain about the future, have a strong purpose in life, and feel more hopeful than unhappy survivors. And having a purpose and hope in life, were found to be associated with this happiness. Elizabeth Gilbert again says that the universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them. And she poses the question, do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you? I believe that you do and that you can and that our entire community of breast cancer survivors are here to support you along the way. Because you know what, ladies, we are stronger together, always. I welcome your questions and comments. So please find me on Facebook as Laura Lummer on Instagram as a breast cancer recovery coach, and let me know your thoughts and put your ideas out there. Reach out to us and allow others to support you and become part of a community. Thank you again so much for taking the time to listen for downloading this episode. Have a wonderful day. Start your journey to transformation now and I'll talk to you again in two weeks. Until then, let your lifestyle be

34:41
courage to the test laid all your doubts to your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting more your futures given Oh you know you've been waiting on

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this

 

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