If I could delete a belief that limits change and happiness in people’s lives I think it would be all or nothing.
When we think we have to do it all, we often end up doing nothing, because it isn’t possible to do it all, especially all at once.
In this episode I‘ll share some insights on the results I have witnessed from all or none thinking and how both thoughts usually land us in the same place.
More importantly, I’ll offer you the one belief that will not only set you free from the vicious cycle of all or none thinking, but it will give you the support you need to transform your life.
Referred to in this episode:
Read the full transcript below:
Laura Lummer 0:00
You're listening to the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. I'm a Certified Life health and nutrition coach, and I'm also a breast cancer thriver. If you're trying to figure out how to move past the trauma and the emotional toll of breast cancer, you've come to the right place. In this podcast, I will give you the tools and the insights to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer. Well, let's get started.
Laura Lummer 0:32
Hello, friends, welcome to another episode of Better than before breast cancer with me, Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach, I want to start off this show by sharing some very exciting things with you, and to ask you to participate in a big goal for me, because I can't do it without your support. So first of all, something exciting that two weeks ago, for the first time, this podcast surpassed 10,000 downloads a month. You know, I can remember when I first started this show, and I would be so excited to get like a download. You know, this, somebody found the podcast, somebody heard the podcast. And actually, when I first started the podcast, it was a completely different name. And it's interesting because it's kind of grown with me and grown with my business. So it's changed names a couple of times, right from let your lifestyle be your medicine to the breast cancer recovery coach, and now to better than before breast cancer with the breast cancer recovery coach. Because as I evolve, and as my business evolves, the podcast evolves. So it's been a really cool journey. But I remember at one point, so in the beginning, I only did the podcast every other week, I was working a full time job. I was doing the podcast, I was coaching, I was trying to figure out how to build an online business. And so I did the podcast every other week, which is so fascinating, because now I'm doing two podcasts a week. And when I did every other week, and there'll be a download here to download there. And it'd be super, super exciting for me. And then after a few months, I was like, this is a lot of work. There's a lot a lot goes into the back end when you're producing a podcast. So I thought this is just oh, is it really making a difference? Does anybody even care is even worth it. And it was coming up on the holidays. And I just remember thinking, You know what, I'm just not going to do a podcast over the holidays, because there's already so much going on. And I don't want to put anything else on my plate. I don't think anybody's really any cares. Anybody really cares. Anyway, I was stumbled over that I don't think anybody really cares to begin with. And so I didn't put a show out. And then I got an email. And I think about this email often, I don't remember who sent me the email. But if you're still listening, you really touched my heart. And I got this email from someone who said she loved the podcast, I feel teary eyed, just saying it. She loved the podcast. And it had meant so much to her. And I hadn't put word out in a couple of months. And she just wanted to be sure that I was okay. And I thought, You know what, if I only ever hear from her, it's worth it. And I'm going to keep doing this podcast. And it just turned into something amazing, right? Something so amazing. The now over 10,000 downloads a month, all the people out there that are coming to the podcast. And to me that means that the service I wanted to put out into the world is working. And it's worth it. And so for me for 2024 My goal next year is to double the downloads. I want to see this podcast hit 20,000 downloads a month, because that just means that more of the women in our community who need support, who don't want to feel alone, who don't want to struggle through this and who want some help and understanding how you get back to creating life after breast cancer, more of those women will have access and support. And so here's where you come in. If you could take the time to leave a review, or a rating or both for the podcast, just scroll down to the bottom wherever you listen to this. And whatever platform if you're on Apple if you're on Spotify, if you're on Google, like review, leave stars follow or share your favorite episodes. If you hear an episode that's really meaningful to you share it, share it, send it to a friend share it on social media, you can kind of click the little three dots. Usually I'm thinking of Apple podcasts because that's usually what I use. And there's three little dots up in the right hand corner and you can click those and it says share episode or share show. And if you can do that then it's just going to help so many people so much faster. And I just want to tell you that I so appreciate that song very, very much that I would appreciate that support. And that it's you being a part of this service too, right? Each of us going through it, we're going through. And by sharing, writing, reviewing, making the show easier to find, you are also doing a service for someone else who's out there, who's going through breast cancer, who's living with breast cancer, who may be coming up on a dude new diagnosis. And you're just looking for support. All right. So I want to thank you ahead of time for that. Super exciting news. And another actually two more pieces of very exciting news. So this month, I've been very focused on metabolic health. In my life coaching memberships, we've been working on metabolic health, we've been going through the train 10 assessment, we've been coaching on our mindset around what to do for ourselves, what not to do for ourselves how to make change, why change is so difficult. And we are going to wrap up this month with something very exciting, and you are invited to join, I'm going to bring back one of my most popular challengers that I've renamed because I've kind of beefed it up a little bit. And it's now called the five day sugar reset, it was initially called the five day sugar challenge. But this is the five day sugar reset. And we're going to wrap up the month of October by doing the five day sugar reset. Now, this is an awesome program. And I think that is a great time right now because not only is looking at how we nourish our body, so important to our metabolic health, but working on our mindset around sugary foods, high sugar foods, processed foods, foods that really don't serve or support our health. It's so important right now, because we're coming into the holidays. And this is the time of year when so many people just let the wheels come off the wagon. And I hope that by doing the five day sugar reset by inviting you to join me in the five day sugar reset, you will see that you can enjoy life and take good care of yourself, then we can start to look at thoughts about what's happening. And actually my thinking about and working on the five days sugar reset and, and doing all the work I've been doing in metabolic health coaching over this last month has led to what I'm going to talk about on this show, coming back to looking at what we think about sugary foods, how we view treats how we view ourselves, what we tell ourselves, we can do, we can't do what's okay to do what's not okay to do that. It's all or nothing. All of these mindset shifts are so important to dig into, in order to support yourself through a holiday season. That's rooted in happiness, tradition, fun, baked goods, gifts, right homemade things. And it's okay. But where it becomes a problem is if we completely let go of taking care of ourselves. And we adopt the mindset, it's okay for me to do this because it's a holiday, right? It's okay for me to do this. Or sometimes I hear people who just say, I'm not even gonna bother trying, from Thanksgiving to New Year's, I'm just gonna do whatever I want to do. And it's not that there's anything wrong with that. But I just want to offer that it doesn't have to be all or nothing. That it can be both. It can be fun and self care. And I hope that you'll join me in the five day sugar reset to discover how to do that for yourself, how to support yourself through the holiday season, through the time wherever you go to somebody's house or you go to work and people have fudge out. I'm a fudge maker I am famous from I make good fudge people. And I give it away because it doesn't serve my house anymore to eat fudge. But for people who can and they can eat it in moderation. I love to make fun for them. So when we come up on this season where people give food as gifts of love, and let's just face it, I think of food is love. I cook for people because I love them. I love to cook, it's a heartfelt thing for people who are connected to food and traditions in that way. So during this season, when that's going to be all around us, how do we embrace it, love it, enjoy it and love and take care of our bodies through it. So join me in the five day sugar reset, which you'll find at the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash sugar. All right, I will see you there. And one last final exciting kind of just coming soon. Recently I graduated I completed a year actually I got off kind of the graduation call just before recording this podcast and completed a year of study in the terrain advocate program created by Naisha winters the author of the metabolic approach to cancer and I am a certified terrain advocate which I am So excited. But I think this means more to me than the degree that I put so much time and money into earning about health coaching. Because I cannot tell you, the powerful mind shifts how it's affected me in supporting my body's ability to heal and how I support my body through this process of canceling and healing from canceling. And just the literally like, my heart is just wanting to explode with sharing this news to the world, and sharing with everybody how they can support themselves how much power we have to support ourselves through this process of cancer. But not only that, through the process of supporting our healthy body, even if it doesn't have cancer, right, just taking responsibility and stepping into power over our health and keeping our bodies working the way we want them to work and their optimal level of functioning. So taking all that into consideration, you can look forward to some metabolic health coaching packages that I am currently working on. So I will be taking a trip to Italy the first couple of weeks of November. And so I'm planning on having these metabolic health coaching packages ready by the end of November. So keep that in mind. And people might think well, why would you come out with metabolic health coaching package in the middle of the holidays, and this is why it Life is too short to put off taking care of ourselves. And we can take care of ourselves and enjoy all the things enjoy life, there's no need to think I'll start focusing on my health January 1, we have to learn how to love life as a whole experience. It is not all or none. And that's exactly what we're going to talk about here today. So there is a phrase that my husband used to say to me, I'll share a story with you. When I met my husband when we started dating. Alcohol was never a part of my life. It was I didn't go out and order a drink. It was just nothing I ever did. I had children very young. Alcohol was never a part of our family's household when I was growing up. Once in a great while I'd see wine, or a beer, you know, a six pack of beer in our in our refrigerator and I went I would see that sometimes I oh my goodness, this is scandalous dad, but beer, something I never saw. So.
Laura Lummer 12:27
And then as an adult, I had children very young. And alcohol was just never a part of that. Um, it was busy raising kids working doing all the things you do. So when I met my husband, he was very much like he was an executive at a big company. And he had wine and dine people in order cocktails and this and that. And he introduced me to the Martini. I honestly I really maybe a handful of times had a martini in my life. But he introduced me to a dirty martini. And I love to dirty martini. And when I first had them, I didn't know how to drink alcohol really, because I've never drank alcohol. So I would have a couple martinis. And I would feel horrible. And my husband would say to me, here's the thing with martinis. Well, he was at that time not my husband, he would say here's the thing with martinis. One is never enough. And three is too many. And he was totally right. Now martinis are a once in a great while thing that I indulge in now and then. But that phrase, one's never enough. And three is too many is something I've been giving a lot of thought about, especially in this last month, as I work with my clients on metabolic health. And in addition to that, it's interesting because I'm working with my youngest son on a business that he and I have launched and he's really kind of taking the lead and I'm in a support role with him. And this one is not enough, three is too many keeps coming up. Not with respect to martinis, okay. But I see this happening from him viewing a business perspective, I see this happening with my clients and their life perspective. And here's what it means. So there's two concepts that I talk about often in my life coaching. One is scarcity. One is overwhelm, because scarcity, thinking, being rooted in fear, I think is kind of the natural way our brain works. Our brain has a negative bias. The human brain has a negative bias. It's always looking for warning signs. It's always looking for danger, right to protect us. It was designed to protect us. But as life has evolved, and if we don't learn how to take control of those thoughts and how to notice well, those thoughts are going to come up because that's the way the organ inside my skull works is it detects danger and it says to me that can be dangerous, and I have to make a conscious decision to think differently or change the villain And that I look at those thoughts with. So scarcity to me, is just rooted in fearfulness. Right scarcity is, there's not enough, there's not enough time, there's not enough money, there is enough, maybe there won't be maybe I'll run out. There's my health isn't good enough, it could be better, it should be better. I'm feeling good right now. But waiting for the other shoe to drop. These are scarcity types of thinking, right? It is the absence of the stepping into abundance, the absence of stepping into the belief that I always have everything I need, right? There's always more than enough for me in the universe, more than enough love more than enough money, more than enough health, more than enough everything. There's always more than enough for me. And I truly believe that that is the truth. But our human brain doesn't go there. I wish it did. If our human brains work that way, automatically, we will all be living much happier lives. But where it works is there's not enough. It's not enough. It's not enough, it's not enough. Or it works way on the other side of the spectrum, which says I have to do all the things. Okay, so let me come back and relate this to both of the examples that I gave you of my son and my clients. So with my clients, oftentimes, I hear this belief, I have to do all these things, right. So if I want to start a workout program, many people have the belief I've got to work out five days a week, for an hour at a time. I've got to flip tractor, try tractor tires across the gym, right, I've got to do CrossFit, I've got to lose lift heavy weights, I've got to do it all. And when we think that it is way too overwhelming, and so we do nothing, overwhelm, always results in inaction. Always, always always, because there's too many thoughts in our head, there's no space to make a decision or see through them. Overwhelm will freeze you overwhelm will cause you to turn to buffers, because overwhelmed, doesn't feel good. Overwhelm feels uncomfortable. So we'll eat, we'll drink, we'll scroll social media, we'll do anything we can to get out of that discomfort. And so when we consider a lifestyle, change, a relationship, we approach relationships, I'll coach people on their relationships. And we'll talk about something, maybe a feeling that they really want to express to their partner or to a sibling to a family member. But their mind goes to if I shared this with my person, I'll get divorced, they'll never speak to me again. They'll hate me forever. That's a scarcity thought, right? If I say this little thing, they won't love me enough to stick around, our relationship isn't solid enough that they'll hang in there with me, they'll go away. And that's not what I want. I want to make it better. Don't lose it. And I'll tell you what, that's never the truth. It's never a truthful thought. When we start to share what we need, what we want, what our thoughts are from a compassionate place, not from a place of trying to control someone else, but from a place of our needs. It doesn't go from let me tell you what I need to divorce court, right? It does. And if it does go from let me tell you what I need. And then that person never speaks to you again, then is that person, really someone you wanted in your life to begin with? Right? That's a whole nother podcast. So there's an example of scarcity with my son, we're starting this new business, right? He's trying to get a following. He's trying to get a customer base, going and learning how to do that. And as I guide him, he goes into scarcity, thinking, I've got to make money, I've got to create all this stuff, I've got to do this fast. And whenever we're in scarcity, we're in fear. And so when we're in fear, we tend to do two things. We either don't do anything, or we do too many things. And so he started to throw all kinds of spaghetti against the wall. And I saw what he was doing this business and I had to call them up and say, Honey, you got to dial this back. We've got to keep it simple. Don't throw everything out there at once is too much. And people get overwhelmed. And when people get overwhelmed when they do they don't make a decision. Right. So he wants to sell something, he overwhelms his customers, they're going to go away. So it's really interesting to see how doing too little doing too much being in scarcity being an overwhelm, they often result in the same thing, which is nothing doing nothing. And then even if we go to the do too much, the result is nothing because we've done too much or too scattered. And we create a tremendous amount of stress for ourselves. And then we go into more scarcity because the reason why worrying too much is because we're afraid, okay? This happens with our life. When we think in order to adopt a healthy lifestyle, I have to do all the things, you either will not do anything, or you'll start doing all the things and it will be too much. And you will stop. When you want to start something, a passion, a craft a adventure, I don't know, whatever it is, you want to create something new in your life. And then you think I've got to do it. All right, now, instead of take a baby step. I'll give you an example. I know somebody who is super creative, the super creative person.
Laura Lummer 20:45
And if I were to say, Oh, my goodness, you are so creative. Could you create this? Okay, I'll give you an example. There's a board that I saw. And it's like, it can be used as a charcuterie board, it can be used as a cutting board. And it actually goes over the burners on a stove. So even expand the amount of counter space that you have, right? So this thing is super cool. And I walk on from my house. And so if I were to take that to this person and say, Hey, I could you create this for me, because I know this person could create it for me, could you make this for me? This person would look at that and say, Well, first I have to find the right forest, then I have to hire the trees from her figure out which trees are the best trees in that forest, then I'm gonna have to have someone to cut them down and just as specific way so that the grain on that board goes a certain way, right? He goes way, way, way, way beyond the simple action that needs to be taken. And as a result, nothing will happen. When we think about adopting a healthy lifestyle, we think I gotta give up sugar, I gotta give up flour, I've got to eat more vegetables, I've got to go to the gym five days a week, and nothing happens. So one, we tell ourselves, it's not enough. Let's talk about it's not enough. If I were to say to you, could you go from eating a croissant every day to eating croissants on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. And some would say to me, well, that's not enough. That's not going to make any difference. Why would I even bother. But it does make a difference. Because it's a change. It's a step forward. It's a small thing that your brain won't resist, that will create a powerful change going forward. And when we tell ourselves, it's not enough, we still have the croissant five days a week. So we have no change happening in our life. Right? We have to learn to embrace small steps. We have to learn to do small things and give ourselves credit for that. So if I said to a client, could you go from eating croissants every day to doing it on Monday, Wednesday and Friday? And they said yes, I'll try that. The following week. If they say to me, I did it, Laura, I was able to not eat a croissant on Tuesday and Thursday, I will celebrate the hell out of that. That is a huge accomplishment. That is a behavior change. And when we celebrate even the smallest behavior change, we are building in our mind, our self efficacy, we're we're reinforcing the fact that we can create change. And when we realize recognize and celebrate that we can create change, then we create more change. Okay? When we look at small changes, and we say that's not enough, we make no change. Okay, let's remember that. When I say to a client, hey, what do you think is something you need to do to support your happiness right now? Like if you look at your life as a total overall everything, what would you tell me you need for yourself in your life right now. And they will say to me, I need to practice meditation, exercise, change my diet, and speak up for myself. Holy moly. That's a lot. My next question is going to be do you have the capacity to do all that right now? Can you go from where you are in your life, which is telling yourself you're not worthy? You're not good enough. You're not trying hard enough. You're not doing enough to changing everything all at the same time? No way. There's no way it doesn't happen. Three is too many. There's a happy space right in the middle of one is not enough. And three is too many. And it's just taking the next small step and celebrating that success. Whatever it is. Okay. I often deal with clients who have a tremendous amount of fatigue, we know that we understand that chemotherapy, radiation, holy crap, I cannot think I had no idea how tired radiation would make me it was shocking to me how exhausted I was when I went through radiation. We can't look at that and say to ourselves, oh, I'm a horrible human being. Because I don't get up and do the things I used to do. People must think I'm lazy, because I'm not doing enough, right? We can't look at ourselves, and judge ourselves, and then force ourselves to get up and do all the things that our brain, human brains have this wild way of working, telling us all the things you have to do, you can't go from complete exhaustion and fatigue, to training for a 10k. Okay, we've got to take small steps. So when you're tired, whether it's because you're intrigued with radiation, whether it's because of just what is happening in your life, that you're undergoing many stressors in life, and it's emotionally and mentally taxing on you. Give yourself grace, when we notice that I can't do all three things. We can tell ourselves, one thing is enough, I don't have to do too many. And here's one thing, here's a big change. If you say to me, I am so tired, I can't do the things I used to do, here's one change I would offer. Give yourself the grace to take a nap.
Laura Lummer 26:36
I bet you thought I wasn't gonna say that. I was gonna tell you get up and go do something right. Now, a positive change, which is more than enough is to take better care of yourself. Okay. So that's not enough. That's not enough. Telling myself Oh, I can just take a nap when I want to. That's not enough. That's not going to be good enough. That's not going to get me to three. It is enough. Because it's a switch in the way that you look at yourself. And you think of yourself and it's giving yourself love, and the foundation of changing everything. Everything in your life is learning how to love yourself, truly love yourself. I teach my clients this all the time, I say look at your body. Look at yourself, like it is the person you love the most in the world. I've talked about this on the podcast before, would you go to the person you love the most in the world? And berate them, call them names? Tell them they're not doing enough when they feel exhausted? Would you tell them you got to do more? You've got to do more. This isn't enough? You wouldn't. So why do we do that to ourselves. And if we're not experiencing the life we want to live? These are two ways of thinking that I highly encourage you to explore for yourself. Are you telling yourself that the next step you could take towards improving your relationship? pursuing your dream, changing your health, anything at all, that the next step that you're thinking I'm taking just isn't enough? And if so, I want you to remind yourself, it's the first step towards change. And that's enough, okay, if you're telling yourself, I can't do this, because I can't do all the things. I can't make you a cutting board, because I don't have the tools to harvest the entire forest. If you're telling yourself that you've got to come back and remind yourself nothing happens all at the same time. Nothing happens all at the same time. The Eiffel Tower wasn't built in a day, right? Nothing wonderful transformation is a step by step process. Creation is a step by step process. And in between the concept of what we want to create the concept of what we want to change the awareness that we maybe want to shift something in life between the idea or the awareness. And the manifestation is a tremendous amount of small steps and lots of thoughts that you have to work through. Okay. So one is not enough. And three is too many, is a philosophy that we need to become aware of, and that we need to tell ourselves, oh, this is not entirely true. This is not the way things work. One is actually more than enough, right? And three, still may be too many. But I don't have to take on too many. I could just start with one. And then I can celebrate that one small step that we get to give ourselves the grace and permission to do what we feel we have The capacity to do in this moment, and that my friends is enough. It is enough. I've coached so many women who are in treatment for breast cancer, whether it's going through IV treatment surgeries, an initial diagnosis, whatever it is, we're living with metastatic cancer, who just are so rooted in it's not enough. And keep telling themselves, they've got to do more. This is just, it is a thought that undermines happiness, right? Let's just not even talk about the impact that it has on our health, but it undermines happiness. So if we could replace one is not enough. And three is too many, with one is all I need to do. Because three actually is too many. So explore that for yourself, what area in your life, are you telling yourself? One is not enough? I am not enough, I'm not doing enough. I'm not producing enough. And were you telling yourself I have to do all the things therefore I'm not doing anything at all. And come back to the belief that understanding the embracing of the idea, this is a fantastic positive affirmation that you can use every day. One is more than enough. Okay? And take that next small step towards taking better care of yourself. Loving yourself. In stepping into the life, you actually want to live with the capacity that you have today. That's all you gotta do. All right, friends, if you need help with that, come and find me at the breast cancer recovery coach.com and join me in the better than before breast cancer life coaching membership, because what stands in between you and the Life You Want To Live is all that stuff in between your ears, all those thoughts. They impact every single aspect of your life. And I can support you and help you to find those thoughts that move you to the life you want to be living. All right. So come to the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash life coaching and I'll see you in the membership. I'll talk to you soon.
Speaker 2 32:09
You've put your courage to the test laid all your doubts your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting more your futures Give it all you know you've been waiting on