#246 Is This What Life Should Be?

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Let’s dive into the topic of emotional processing and its significance in the healing journey. 

Exploring emotions, stories, and the stress we create for ourselves is powerful but uncomfortable work.  

In today’s episode of the Breast Cancer Recovery Coach Podcast I hope to encourage you to embrace vulnerability, let go of personas, and find self-compassion and growth. 

Whatever you're going through right now or what might lie ahead, I’ll invite you to embrace and explore a powerful question that just might lead you to profound self-discovery and personal growth.  

Life is imperfect for all of us, but by approaching it with curiosity and open hearts, I believe we can create lives that are even better than before breast cancer. 

Referred to in this episode: 

Better Than Before Breast Cancer Life Coaching Membership 

Humans are Good Foundation -Liber8 




Read the full transcript below:

Laura Lummer  00:00

You're listening to the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. I'm a Certified Life health and nutrition coach, and I'm also a breast cancer thriver. If you're trying to figure out how to move past the trauma and the emotional toll of breast cancer, you've come to the right place. In this podcast, I will give you the tools and the insights to create a life that's even better than before breast cancer. Well, let's get started.


Laura Lummer  00:33

Hey, friends, welcome to episode 246. Of better than before breast cancer with the breast cancer recovery coach. And that's me, Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm thrilled to be here with you today. And I want to start off this show with a big thank you I've been meaning to do this for the last few episodes. And I'm going to do it today. I want to thank sister Laura T. and P Jane 27. I think it is yes, P Jain. 27. Both of you love to beautiful reviews for the podcast. And I just thank you so much. That means so much to me. And it's so important for the show. And I just want you to know that I really appreciate you and when I read your review, and that it warms my heart. And you know, when I get reviews like that, it is just something that makes everything I do worthwhile. I hear that. And I like to think that on a week to week basis that there are people out there benefiting from the podcast, I get feedback from my members and from my clients. And so it's lovely to hear back from people who are listening to the podcast and getting something out of it. And if you are a podcast listener, if you are a regular listener to the show, or even if you're new to the show, and this is the first time you're hearing it and you like it, and you get some benefit from it, it would mean everything if you could take the time to leave a rating and review. And it's easy to do, I think on Google Play you just like it or follow it or something on Spotify, you can like it. And on iTunes on Apple podcasts, you can rate it and leave a review. And every little bit helps the more reviews and ratings a show gets, the more it's shown to other people who might be able to benefit from it also. So you're not only helping me by making my day, but you're helping another person out there who may be going through cancer or recovering from breast cancer in need to hear the show as well. All right. So thank you so much for that. All right, let's just jump right into the show today. So I want to share with you a process that I have been going through part of what I talked about here on the show, part of the process I go through as I work to support my body and its ability to heal and become healthier, is not only just you know food and nutrition and working with a nutritionist and supplements and all that. And to me, the more I get into health and healing, the more superficial that feels not that it's easy, because there are lots of thoughts around it. And there lots of challenges that come with it. But on the other side, you know, as we go deeper as we move from looking at food, and looking at supplements, and getting our lifestyle straight, and looking at our sleep and all that type of stuff, we've got to dig into emotions, like the soft side of this, the soft side of humanity, the emotions, the emotions that we store, the emotions that we hold on to the stories that we tell ourselves, the stress that we create for ourselves. It is powerful, and it's uncomfortable. You know, it's friggin uncomfortable work to do. And I think about how for so many years of my life, and I've shared that on the show before like my go to emotion was anger if I heard something if someone said something that I didn't like, and I would first put on the defenses, right, put up the shield. And a lot of times those kinds of behaviors, if we go to anger, if we go to victimization, if we go to these other emotions that are just kind of like a smokescreen, they're kind of a surface emotion for deeper things. So like, I feel very comfortable in my own experience sharing like anger, it just kind of covers up hurt, right? And vulnerability. And so anger is kind of like we think of that as this is the stronger this is like me standing up like I'm a fighter and nobody messes with me. But in truth when in reality when we drop that reaction, that heated reaction, where are we left? It's like a turtle without a shell right or here going, Oh, I'm turtling but I'm not pulling into my shell. I'm sitting here vulnerable and having to experience what I'm really feeling which may be hurt or maybe sad. had or maybe vulnerable or anything else, that's a lot more uncomfortable to process than just a surface emotion like anger, right? So we share all that with you, because part of the experience that I go through and part of the work I do is really digging in deep to the emotional aspects of what's going on with me and what's been going on with me and learning more about the emotional processing so that I can also help my clients with that, because it's so critical. So recently, I have gone through it's called Emotional mapping, and it's through an organization called humans are good. And I'll put a link to that in the show notes for this podcast episode, you can find those at the breast cancer recovery coach.com, forward slash 246. And anyway, so I went through this emotional mapping. And what that consists of is you make the appointment kind of a few weeks out, and you get the app, and you go through the app. And it asks you to track things that you notice trigger you, or insights that you may have on anything in your life, just as you're going through your life and going through your days and working up to going to this mapping session. And you notice, oh, I got triggered, and you go ahead and document that in the app. But then it asks specific questions about what you're documenting. And I don't want to give it away because you know, that's their protocol. But I want to share with you one question that is asked in this process. And it's this one question that is just like, ah, ah, this is the tough one, you know, this question, because you're documenting a trigger. So what does it trigger mean, and brought up a negative emotion, right. And I would say over the last couple of months, there's been a lot of drama, a lot of heated emotions in my family about a situation that's kind of an old wound that's never really been dealt with, or healed on many different levels. And so there were some triggers in there, that I was documenting for myself as things came up. And then at the end of the process, and answering all the questions, there's this one question, and it says, Why is this happening for you? Oh, do you just hate questions like that? You're I am the life coach, right? Saying, Oh, Don't you just hate him? The answer was real questions. And he got to dig into him. But it's like, we want to feel justified in feeling triggered, right? We want to feel like, yeah, so and so said that, and it pissed me off. And yeah, I've right to be pissed off. And then you get a question that says, How could this be happening for you? And then you have to shift, you got to shift that whole mentality and just go. Okay, I got to think differently here. How could that be happening for me? Because when I'm in life, and life is what it is, and if we can be present in the moment, and accept life for what it is, which is really challenging, right? We want to fix life. We want to say this isn't right. We want to say they should behave differently. Of course, they should be differently according to our rulebook, right? If everybody behaved the way we behave, then wouldn't the world be a better place. But sometimes we just have to look at life and say, and this is a go to saying that I have that's just like, everything is exactly as it should be. If everything is exactly as it should be. What can I learn from where I'm at right now? What can I grow? How can I grow? What can I understand? How can I be more empathetic? Is there a different way of looking at this? And then there's that question. How is this happening for you right now? And sometimes that's rough, right? Because when emotions are rough and difficult, and our ego says no, right? And I'm not talking about just healthy boundaries, sometimes I think that that's a very blurred line between what is a healthy boundary, and where's my ego stepping in here and blocking me from knowing myself? And from stepping into my authentic version of myself from dropping my shell as the turtle and not pulling into my shell and hiding and turtling but just allowing myself to be there. Soft, open, vulnerable, no hard shell. So if this is what life is supposed to be right now, and it is what life is supposed to be because it is what life is, right. I mean, we can't argue with that logic. It's like it's not supposed to be like those Well, it actually is because it is like this, right? So when we have that story even, it's not supposed to be this way. And you know how many times in my life I thought that, or I'll have those questions. My husband probably hates these questions, I'll say,


Laura Lummer  10:16

did you think your life would be like this when you turn 65? What else did you think you will be doing? You know, what else did you think you would have? Where would you live? How did you think when you were 30, your life would be different than it is now. When you're 65, right. It's our own rulebook. It's our own stories is our own imagination. And then we cling to that. And we say, this is how it should be. This is this is the way life goes, this is the flow of it. I mean, I'm sure as hell in my 30s wouldn't have said, Oh, yeah, you know, I think maybe by the time I'm 59, I'll have stage four cancer. No, not part of the plan. Right? So I can sit here and I can say, this is not right. This is not the way it's supposed to be. This is not okay. There shouldn't be drama in my family. This is not okay. Like, I shouldn't have intermittent pain. So I can't go do the exercise class that I like, this isn't okay with me. It doesn't help me. It doesn't serve me. And it's based on a belief that I made up for myself, that didn't align with what life had planned for me. Right. So where we are in our life, is where we are. And you may hear me say that go like, Duh, what do you mean? Of course it is. But no, I mean, really, on a very deep level. And so it just a moment ago said, like, I'm in pain, I have to cancel a class. And the last few days, that my hip has really flared up, I've had a lot of inflammation in my hip, it has made it very difficult. It's made it impossible for me to do the spin classes and the yoga classes that I love to do. And so today, here, I was thinking, I can't go another day, not walking on the beach. Like I love my walk on the beach. And it's cold, and it's windy, and it's gray outside, but I just need to be in nature, and I need to be at the beach. And as I'm heading over there, I'm thinking and I drove which is literally across the street, because I'm supposed to be giving my hip arrest. And you know, on the way there, I was just thinking like, this isn't cool. Like this isn't right, that I can't just go from my walk. And as I, I brought a blanket and I just put out my blanket, I brought my cup of coffee, and I sat there taking in the ocean by myself because it was friggin freezing. And Californians don't go to the ocean. It's freezing outside. And I was all bundled up and I sat there was my cup of coffee. And I just thought, you know, just like be here in this moment. And stop fighting the fact that you can't walk down the beach, that you're not going to close the rings on your Fitbit today. You're just gonna sit here and ask yourself, How is this happening for you today? And I did, you know, I sat there and I just kind of allowed myself to be with myself. I feel like emotions coming up thinking about it, and just allowed myself to be there with no judgment and no fight against what wasn't going the way that I wanted it to go. And just saying, How is this happening for me today. And for me, it was just, maybe I just need this moment, to be a little more meditative. Maybe I've just been stressing myself out a little too much with thoughts of how things should be versus how things are. And maybe this is just a moment that I need to check back in and remind myself, this is how things are right now. In some of it isn't what you want it to be. A lot of it is great. But it just is what it is, you know, this is your life today. And so when I think about that question, and I was asked through that workup to the emotional mapping experience, how is this happening for you? I think that that can be so valuable. And I think it can be really difficult. So depending where you are at in your journey of life, whether you are in treatment for cancer, whether you are newly diagnosed, you might hear that question, and it might bring up anger for you. Because you're just not ready to answer that question. You're not ready to hear that question. But it doesn't just apply to cancer and cancer diagnoses as it applies to life. Right? My family drama has nothing to do with cancer, and yet it's uncomfortable. And I don't like it. And I don't think it's necessary. But it is right and it is happening. And so when I take that question, say how is it happening for me? Well, actually have some ideas. And I find that when I apply that question to my life That idea is, well, it's giving you another opportunity to drop some anger, it's giving you another opportunity to see where you're judging. It's giving me another opportunity to see where I'm allowing my thoughts to affect relationships in a way that I don't want them to be affected. Right. And those are easy things to admit, those aren't easy things to say. And God knows they're not easy things to say on the podcast, we're on telling you as your life coach, like, yeah, this job is hard sometimes, right? People come to me, they're like, oh, yeah, well, you know, I want to be like you and I grew up. And I'm like, really sure about that. Right? Life is imperfect for anybody. Life is easy for anybody. But when we can be really aware of our thoughts, and we can ask ourselves that question in the toughest times, instead of like, I just had a flashback to a few podcasts ago, instead of as F words, instead of forcing life or trying to fix everything, and trying to control everyone and make them be who you want them to be acting in the way you want them to act. You can ask yourself, How is this happening for me? And explore that a little bit? And see what comes up for you? And see, I don't, I don't want to think about that. Or you may have to allow some resistance to drop when you're thinking about that. And we just may have to allow some ego to drop. And I think that noticing our ego and where ego steps in what is ego? Ego? Is this idea, right? This is me. This is who I am. Right? You know how many times I hear people say I'm the rock of the family. I'm the strong one. I'm the one people go to. I'm the one that's supposed to know everything. This is ego. Right? This is, this is who I am. This is why I've decided this is how I've conditioned everyone else to think of me and see me and expect of me. And dropping that. And letting that fall to the side is like a turtle without a shell. It feels a little scary sometimes. But do you know how many times that people have said those things to me. And I can see in them what they need more than anything is to drop that idea is to drop that persona, that underneath that person, what they're screaming for, is some self care, and some self compassion, and someone to give them a break at someone to help them out. Right. And we have to get to this point. And I think that when we dig in and start doing work on emotions, and we see where we build our shell, and how big and how hard, and how thick, and how old and how crusty, our shell has become that it's a beautiful space to say, hmm, I can really ask myself a lot of questions here, I can really get curious about why I'm saying the things I'm saying and why I'm not allowing myself the space to be the person I truly want to be. And when I say that, I don't mean, be the person that I want to pretend to be right. Be the person that everybody likes to be the person that everybody thinks is this. So everybody thinks is that, that be the person you are



with your softness, with your sadness,


Laura Lummer  18:28

with your emotions, with your confusion, with your ideas, with your brilliance with your creativity, right, so many people are afraid even to show those beautiful parts of themselves that are wonderful and creative and free spirited and risk taking because they're afraid of judgment. And so I feel like we get ourselves, we see the situations that we're in in our life, and they're uncomfortable. And if we can ask ourselves, why is this happening for us? How is this happening for you? Right? Not to you, not against you? Not at you, but how is it happening for you? That little three letter word makes a big difference. And maybe it's happening for you. Because this is a time in your life where you really need some change. And change seems very frightening. And change seems like a really big risk. And maybe it's a time where you need to honor how you really feel you need to step into the arena get a little dusty, get a little dirty, right? And we need to step past the fear and sometimes things in life are happening for us so that we can get to know ourselves a little bit better. So whatever it is that you have going on today, or whatever it is might be coming down the pipeline because we don't know what life is going to offer us. And it may be little T traumas and it may be B 80 traumas that I think sometimes the best way for us to kind of pull our head out of the dark rabbit hole and be able to process really process, not hide things, not shove things back under the rug, not tell ourselves a bunch of stories about why we're not allowed to feel the way that we feel. But when we can allow ourselves to explore what is happening, and ask ourselves, How is this happening for me? write that question down. Remember it? You may not need it today. But you may need it tomorrow. You may need it next week. And I find that that one question will open you up, as it has me to tremendous amount of opportunity, you know, opportunity to get to know yourself opportunity get to see where you have barriers even within you. You know, this is about knowing yourself so that you can love and appreciate yourself. And it's hard to do that, if we externalize everything and we blame people and cancer and shitty bosses and entitled children are anything else for what we're going through in life. And when we can look at things as our teachers and ask ourselves, how's this happening? For me, I think we can open our eyes to many, many lessons, and lots of powerful growth. So I welcome you to step into the arena with me friends, because we're all going through this life. And there are times for all of us when it's not easy. But in those times, maybe something truly is happening for us. All right, I'll leave that for you to consider. I will talk to you again next week. And until then, you know where to find me the breast cancer recovery coach.com Come find me on Facebook, Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach, come and join me in the better than before breast cancer life coaching membership, where we dig into stuff like this, and we talk about here on this podcast and so much more to truly help you create a life that is better than before breast cancer. I'll talk to you soon.


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