#129 What is Normal and How is That Helping You Now

How many times have you caught yourself yearning for the "good old days" or the familiar "normal"? This sentiment isn't just exclusive to the world adapting post-pandemic, but it's also a recurring theme post-breast cancer treatment.

There's a comfort in nostalgia, a desire to feel like our past selves without confronting the challenging present. But clinging to the past doesn't always aid our journey forward.

In this episode, I'll reflect on the evolution of my perspective from my initial breast cancer diagnosis to a decade later. Join me as I share the transformative power of envisioning a brighter future and using it as a beacon during challenging times.

Resources:

Grab your seat in the Better than Before Breast Cancer Workshop

Read the full transcript below:

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This is Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm a healthy lifestyle coach, a clinical Ayurveda specialist, a personal trainer, and I'm also a breast cancer survivor. In this podcast, we talk about healthy thinking and mindfulness practices, eating well, moving your body for health and longevity. And we'll also hear from other breast cancer survivors who have reengaged with life, and have incredible stories to share. This podcast is your go to resource for getting back to life after breast cancer. Has Hello, hello, welcome to another episode of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. I am your host, Laura Lummer. Thank you so much for listening to the show today, I have one update to give you and I'm gonna jump right into this. And that is I want to remind you that I am doing a workshop, march 19 20th and 21st. The workshop happens for one hour a day over all three days. And we're going to be digging into some really great stuff, three of the, I'd say most common areas that I see women struggle with that I coach, and that is dealing with an overcoming fear. It is the practice of self compassion and treating yourself well and with gentleness and kindness, and the relationship that your body has with food. And we're not just going to be talking about this, but we're actually going to be doing some coaching. So when you sign up for the workshop, you'll go to a page that has some introductory videos that teach you about some of the tools that I use when I coach. And we'll I'll give a little summary of those tools as we start the workshop. And then you'll have the opportunity to ask questions, get them answered your personal questions about what you struggle with and what you're going through in these different areas. You can come on camera live to be coached. And we're just going to have a great, great, great, great time. I'm really looking forward to this, you can sign up for the workshop at the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash A B as in boy T as in Tom B as in boy. Or you can just go to my website, the breast cancer recovery coach.com. And you'll see it right there on the homepage under coaching and support. So check it out, it's only 20 bucks for all three hours for all three days. And it's going to be a great time you're going to learn so, so so much. And I really look forward to meeting you and seeing some new faces and getting to coach you and help you and support you through some areas that you might be struggling in. Alright, so once again, just go to the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash b2b Or just check out the homepage. All right. So let's talk about today's topic. So this has been a really interesting week. Last week on the podcast, I talked about how I wasn't feeling well. And the show was late and I talked about why it was late. And I got an email from an amazing member of mine. She's an empowering member. She's an incredible woman who's always so positive and so thoughtful. And she just sends me these emails that literally have tears streaming down my face because of how heartwarming and just authentic and sincere they are. So I got this email. And she just said how much she appreciated. You know, me walking the walk, like talking on the podcast about what I was struggling with, and why I took that extra time for myself. And I started thinking about, you know, I share some stories, but there's a lot of things that I go through that I just don't make a habit of talking about talking about living with cancer. And I thought, well, it's kind of silly, being a breast cancer recovery coach, not really talking about some of the things that I'm experiencing. And I had to look at my own thoughts behind that. Why do I think that way? And why do I do that? And I think that I, I was telling myself this story of you know, no one wants to hear you talk about this, like it's complaining and you're being a cancer victim and that type of thing. But sharing the story isn't about being a victim or coming from a place of victimization. It's really now I see just sharing that struggle so that like everything else I do you know that you're not alone in the struggles you may be experiencing. And I can also help give some insight on what I do to recover from these difficult times, and how I tried to view them. And in my life, there's 100% Since the first diagnosis of breast cancer to the second diagnosis just been a complete transformation in the way that I think about this disease and the way that I think about my body and in the way that I experience or view or witness or however you want to say that the the things that I have to go through the struggles, the challenges that come along with going through breast cancer treatment again in living with medicine. Daddy disease. So I decided that it might be a good idea to share a little bit more, giving you a little bit more insight into what goes on behind the scenes here. And I want to share with you an experience or maybe it's just an observation that I had this week, because even after last week's podcast, it was a rough week, I had a rough week, I was not feeling well. And it was a little bit of a difficult recovery, just a combination of having the cold being worn out from the trip, I have a completely different perspective of RVs. Now and and receiving Zometa treatment, while you know being dehydrated, being tired, having a little bit of cold being in pain, all that. And so you know, just created the perfect storm. And there were a few days that I pretty much just didn't get out of bed. Now because I didn't want to but because I physically could not get out of bed, I didn't have the energy to do that. And I was laying in bed this one day, and I was thinking, I am literally just staring at the ceiling. And laying here. There's no TV on there's not scrolling through social media. I am just laying here in the middle of the day, staring at the ceiling. And I'm perfectly okay with that. Because it's all I can do right now. It's really all I can do. I don't have the energy to talk, I was kind of wishing that I could find a way to make peeing stop, but still keep my body hydrated, so I wouldn't have to get out of bed, walk to the bathroom. I just was physically drained. And as I laid there, I really thought about and I was reminded of how many times I felt like that when I was going through IV chemotherapy in 2011. But there was a very big difference between having that experience this week. And having that experience 10 years ago, because 10 years ago, when I went through that it was really hard. I absolutely hated what was happening to me, I was angry, I was obsessed with getting back to normal to the person I used to be. And if you listen to this show, you know that getting back to normal is a big area that I coach on our unrealistic fight to get back to what we call normal to get back to before breast cancer. But this time, 10 years later, I laid in bed and I thought, you know, I'm so blessed to be able to be laying in this bed today. And so blessed have I have a really comfortable bed to have this really comfortable bed. And this cozy comforter, and this beautiful duvet cover and the sun coming in my window. And my husband two works in the office across the hall all day and intermittently peeks in to make sure I'm okay. And if I'm awake asks, is there anything that you need. And I really started to just feel like I was being the observer of this experience that I was noticing everything that was happening. But instead of allowing my emotions to be caught up in the physical experience, which the physical experience was really shitty, but I could choose because I was looking at the situation and I was observing what was happening, I could choose how I want to feel. And in addition to feeling physically ill I didn't want to feel emotionally upset or angry. Now, my mindset has changed hugely, tremendously over the course of that 10 years. And it's changed because I've invested a lot of time and energy and work into examining my own thoughts into coaching myself into being coached by an amazing life coach. And by using really valuable tools, really powerful tools to get clarity on the way I think, and how my thoughts are affecting my emotions, and then how those emotions affect my life, my actions and the results I get. And I'm so grateful that I invested that time in myself because that is what gave me the ability to just observe this experience, to be in the experience to be okay with it. And to give myself what I needed. There was no resistance coming up. I

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wasn't fighting the fact that I didn't feel well. I was noticing I didn't feel well. And then asking myself, what can I do here in this moment? You know, I could recognize this as what my body needs in the moment. And I'm doing the right thing by giving this to myself. And I'm also able to feel feel gratitude and joy in my heart at the same time. Now, I've been doing that consistently for so long now that I've learned, really a new way to think, you know, that whole idea of neuroplasticity, my brain literally works differently than it used to. And something super important that I have learned to accept and to be present with is the idea that life changes every day. My body changes every day, in normal as whatever normal is for me today. So I'm sitting here in the bed, and laying there in the bed and I'm noticing my peloton across the room and I can remember thoughts coming up saying, you know, you know, that's, that's the person you are like, you're the person who gets up early and rides the peloton and walks for an hour before you get your workday started. And as I was observing those thoughts, just thinking, okay, yeah, on Sundays, that is me. But today, that is not me. And that's okay. It doesn't have to be me today. So I really started thinking about this concept of normal, right? What is normal? And why do we allow this battle for normal to create so much suffering for us so much pain for us? Now, you know, me. And so of course, I looked up what is normal, and I started reading about it in the Webster dictionary. And it says, In the Webster's Dictionary, that normal implies lack of deviation from what has been discovered or established as the most usual or expected. And then the synonym for normal typical, implies showing all important traits of a type class or group, and may suggest a lack of strong individuality. Yeah, great. I don't think any of us want to be described that way. Life is always evolving. But this normalcy is just something we tell ourselves is this story. Because something has changed that we didn't want to change. And so it's not really that we want to go back to normal because nothing in life stays the same, you know, the same person now that you were when you were eight, or 30? Or what, however old you are, you're not the same person as you were 10 years ago. So is it really the fight to be normal? Or is it that we're just not willing to be in the moment and experience that often discomforting thoughts and emotions that come with being in the space we're in now, the space where something uninvited has come into our lives, changed our lives, like flipped our loves upside down, changed our bodies dramatically, without our invitation without our permission. And now, we have to sit here, and we have to really allow the feelings and the thoughts around what happened to come to the surface. That's the tough work. Because in that work, of sitting with the uncomfortable emotions of what's happened, we have to let go of who we used to be. And that's hard to do, do you want to let go of the belief that you're holding on to, even if that belief, that belief that I want to go back to being something else creates a tremendous amount of suffering for you. So one of the thought patterns that we get stuck in that I think is also a problem here is that we look to our past self, for answers improve, rather than looking to our future self for a new way to think and a new way to believe. And so let me explain what that means. So if I were in the position, I was over this last week, and remembering how this felt 10 years ago, when I went through similar experience, then I could have told myself, this sucks. Because what this means is that I am looking at years of suffering to try to recover from this pain that I'm experiencing now. This is the damage that it's going to do to my body. Look at what I went through before. This is what's going to happen to me again. Now I could choose to think that I could look back at the past, see what happened and say, This is my destiny. I'm doomed. This is what's going to happen to me again. Or I could choose to look at my future self which my future self for me my own story is that my future self is a woman who has healed from metastatic breast cancer and live a healthy, vibrant, fulfilling life coaching and speaking to other survivors and encouraging them to do the same. That's my future vision. So I can find myself in a state today that I prefer not to stay in, and I can reflect back on my past self. Or I could look at that future self. And I can ask myself, what would that woman believe right now? What would that woman choose to think right now in this situation that I'm at today, because if I can adopt those beliefs and those thoughts, then I move closer to being the person I want to become. But if I stay in the suffering now, and I don't allow myself to really experience it, but instead, I distract my mind, and I fight with myself. And I resist it with this notion of changing and going back to becoming a person I was before, chemotherapy was pumped through my veins, and my breasts were surgically removed. And that doesn't even make sense, you will never go back to the same physical body you had before going through toxic and extreme treatments for breast cancer, right? So sitting in that space, noticing when you're feeling sad, feeling angry, feeling hopeless, whatever the feelings are. And just witnessing them being the observer, like I talked about, observing what those thoughts are, as they come up, noticing how those thoughts are making you feel? And then asking yourself, Is this how I want to feel? And if not, what would the future version of myself, the woman that I say, you know, I'll coach people sometimes. And we'll talk about how they want to think or how they want to feel. And they'll say back to me, I only wish I could become that person. You can become that person. All you have to do is start asking yourself, how would that person think? How would that person choose to think in this moment? And what would she believe that's different from what I'm believing right now, that's keeping me in a place. That doesn't feel good. Right, so now here I am, 10 years later, going through breast cancer treatment, feeling sick, not having the energy to do anything, but stare at the ceiling. But I get to choose to observe this situation, into make a decision, and how I want to feel and what I have to think in order to feel that way. So I wanted to share that with you. Because obviously, this doesn't only apply to when you're not feeling well. But I know that as survivors, there are lots of times when you don't feel physically well. And I see all the time women who get very stuck in that. And we get very stuck in the giving attention to and speaking about and thinking about and being concerned about the pain and or the discomfort. So this applies, of course to when we're in physical discomfort, still, how do we want to think how do we want to feel how do we want to live our life, but it applies to so many other areas of life. So becoming aware of those labels, and those limits that you put on yourself, the things that sound like, I've always been a negative person, I've never been able to do that. I always react to that way when this comes up. These kinds of very definitive labels and ways you describe yourself are not serving you. They're not serving anybody. And they're based on actions, thoughts and beliefs of someone in the past, but you've learned so much so much has changed for you in your life, that there's no reason to look back to a woman in the past and ask her how to live your life. Now. The key to moving forward in this life now is being that observer of what is happening in the moment, and whether or not it's what you want to be happening, what you want to be thinking what you want to be feeling. And if it isn't working on creating that idea, that vision, that future self that you want to be and then checking in with that woman. That is the woman who has all the experience all the know how that's the woman who's the everything you want to be in the everything you want to have. And whatever it is that you're experiencing now. She has a spin on that perspective, a better spin, a spin that's going to help you move forward in your life and move closer to that vision.

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Doesn't that sound like a much better place to be? It does for me, and I know that having the ability to think that way is something that keeps me going that keeps me hopeful and keeps me moving forward and believing that I can achieve that future vision of myself. And I believe that you can achieve it also. So I hope that gives you a little bit of insight to work on getting to work and digging into those thoughts that you're having and seeing how they're working for you and if they're really still thoughts of someone in the past, or if they're thoughts that are working towards building that awesome future version of yourself. All right, so if you want help working on those thoughts, getting some coaching, come and take advantage of the opportunity to ask your questions and get coached at the better than before breast cancer workshop March 19 20th, and 21st. And again, you can sign up grab a seat at the breast cancer recovery coach.com forward slash Bu T. V. I would love to see you there. So excited about this. All right. I will talk to you again next week and until then be good to yourself and expect other people to be good to you as well. Take care.

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You've put your courage to the test laid all your doubts. Your mind is clearer than before your hardest, wanting more. Your futures Give it all you know has you been waiting on yours this is your