#119 The Stories We Tell Ourselves

One of my cherished quotes from author, motivational speaker, and business dynamo, Marie Forleo, is, “The most powerful words in the Universe are the ones we say to ourselves.”

In this episode, we delve into the narratives we craft from these words—narratives that can either elevate our lives to new heights or hold us rooted in place.

Often, we accept these internal stories as mere reflections of "who we are" or "how things just are." But what if they're not? What if they're merely conditioned narratives or unchecked thought patterns that don't serve us?

Imagine the transformative power of recognizing and reshaping these stories. Join us as we explore how changing your narrative might just change your entire trajectory in the coming year.

Read the full transcript below:

0:00
This is Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm a healthy lifestyle coach, a clinical Ayurveda specialist, a personal trainer, and I'm also a breast cancer survivor. In this podcast, we talk about healthy thinking and mindfulness practices, eating well, moving your body for health and longevity. And we'll also hear from other breast cancer survivors who have reengaged with life, and have incredible stories to share. This podcast is your go to resource for getting back to life after breast cancer. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the breast cancer recovery coach podcast. Happy New Year. It is finally here 2021. I'm your host, Laura Lummer. If you're new to this show, and I love the new year, I mean, who doesn't love the new year? Right? It's actually no different than any other day, right? It's just another day, but it feels like a fresh start. How many times have you heard people for the last couple of months actually, gonna wait till 2020 is over again wait for 2021. So there's something about the new year that just renews hope in acid, it carries with it all the possibilities and all the mysteries, all the unknowns, all the things I love. But it also carries our own stories, we bring our stories into this new year, our stories of the last year, our stories of the past our stories and expectations of what is to come. And those stories can be really impactful on our lives. Now, last week, I told you about my story of receiving a new diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer. And I have to tell you, that outpouring of support, the kindness, the love, the positivity, the hope, it has been unbelievable. I've been, I've been receiving just love and hope and support your emails and Facebook posts and messages. And first of all, thank you all so so very, very much who have taken the time to reach out and to express your support for me, I appreciate it more than you know. And it's just been more gracious and more wonderful than I could have ever expected. And that in itself is one of the things that led me to wanting to do this show today. That is about the stories we tell ourselves. Because there's no better time than now than the beginning of a new year, to spend some time on regrouping, to ask yourself, What do I like in my life? What would I like to start making better in my life? And what am I telling myself that might be stopping me from doing those things that will make my life better? Because I promise you, what you're telling yourself is what's holding you back. It will always come back to your thoughts and what you're telling yourself. When I first heard my diagnosis, I had to work through a lot of stories that were in my head. You know, I think I talked about some of them on last week's show. But I had big plans for 2021 You know, things were going great in 2020. And I was just connecting with so many women and I actually launched an x ray vivify, I created the Empower membership. It was all like this dream I've had for so long manifesting, and then bam, a diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer. And I start telling myself, well said, Here goes my dream, right? No one's even gonna listen to the podcast, let alone work with me. I started telling myself that my own circumstances would scare the hell out of other survivors and even my own members, and that people wouldn't feel comfortable working with me because of the whole mentality of her situation is worse than mine, you know, the comparison that we make. So I don't want to share what's burdening me because Oh, my God, this poor person, hers is so much worse than mine, which is not true suffering is suffering. But those were my thoughts. And, you know, I went to my own coach who, thank God I have, and I, you know, I shared those thoughts. And I shared those stories. I was telling myself, and she said to me, what if that's not true? What if none of that is true? Why are you choosing that story? And what other story could you be choosing instead? And questions like that they're so simple, but they're like a splash of cold water in your face. You know, you hear it, and it stops you for a second and you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, what if that isn't true? Why am I telling myself that? Why am I choosing to believe something that makes my life not become what I want it to become? That's undermining me. Right? What if the truth is that because of this new thing that's happening with me? What if the truth is because of my new healing journey I have even more to offer? And what if that's a better way to think? So this is the question I want to offer you on this New Year's Day. What is the story you're telling yourself about 2020? Is it a story of what the world did to you? Or what happened to the world? Or could you see it and retell it in a way that serves you in a way of looking at what was most important to you, in 2020? And what did you decide to intentionally do for yourself in your life in that year? Because that story is what sets the scene for this year? 2021? And are you going to wait to see what happens in 2021? Or are you going to write your own story? Are you going to be intentional and deliberate about the way you treat yourself, about the relationships that you invest your energy in, and about the ways in which you want to heal and grow and learn in this upcoming year of your life? Now, life will continue to throw things at you, that will throw things at us that we don't expect, I did not want to sugarcoat that it will happen for sure, we know that you can plan on things you don't expect popping up. But so what? What will you make those things mean to you? Now, I coach women all the time, who tell me that it's hard for them to change their thoughts, that it's difficult to think in more positive ways, because they just have a natural tendency to think the worst. And that's not uncommon, right? We our brains are wired to protect us. We protect us by identifying things that are dangerous things that may pose a risk or a threat. And that even may mean to you a risk of failure. So if you feel like it's challenging for you to tell yourself a more positive story, there's two things that I want you to think about. One is right off the bat. Why do you choose to tell yourself that story already? The story of it's hard for me to think positive? Because I just naturally think negative? And what if you think that way, because you just haven't trained your mind to think differently. And so you keep telling yourself that you are naturally negative thinker. So it's this vicious cycle? So number two is, what if you do naturally think that way? What if it is true? What if I just naturally have a tendency to be more cynical? Well, what if you could embrace that way of thinking? And what if you were to say, Yeah, I'm pretty sure a bunch of shit is gonna go down this year, just like it did last year. But even though that will happen, and you can be certain of it, you get to also say I choose to respond to it in a way that brings me as much possible peace and calm and joy in my life as I can create.

8:01
So the most common question I get when I talk about this, about changing your thoughts, and about changing the story you tell yourself about your life is isn't that denial? And it is absolutely not denial. So denial is when you refuse to accept or believe something's happening. Denial would be saying, we're not living in a global pandemic right now. Denial would be more me saying, Oh, I refuse to accept my diagnosis a minute metastatic cancer? Nope, not me. No way. I don't have it. But when I'm talking about is not denying circumstances, but understanding and accepting the circumstances. And even acknowledging that circumstances may suck. And that you don't want to do it. Right. I don't want to do this, I don't want to go through cancer treatment. Again. I don't want this in my life, but it is in my life. So I get to choose how to respond to it. I get to decide if I'm going to start giving away my precious things and preparing for death. Or if I'm going to focus on healing and figure out what that means and how to go about it. I have to accept the fear that the worst thing could happen, and then choose to move forward anyway. And that applies to everyone. And it applies to everything. It applies to any project you want to do. any goal you want to achieve any behavior you want to change any relationship you want to grow or end or change. It applies to the job you want to have the money you want to make the certificate or the degree you want to earn the weight you want to lose. It literally applies to everything. You have to look at the circumstances. You have to accept that they're going to come with challenges every circumstance does, right. Sadly, there is no easy button. I really, really wish there was an easy button. But there isn't. So if you want to lose weight, you're going to have to change your habits. If you want to improve your relationship, you're going to have to confront painful things. So let's compare denial to storytelling, since I'm talking about storytelling. So if there's a situation in your life that you don't like, and let's say that you're in pain, this is very common one right? In breast cancer recovery, I'm in pain, from neuropathy, or radiation or aromatase inhibitors or surgeries. Denial is refusing to admit that pain is walking around telling yourself and others that you're not in pain, when you're clearly suffering. Storytelling from a point of limiting yourself in that same situation can be saying things to yourself like, this will never change. This is my life, my life will never be the same. Again, I'll never get to enjoy the things I want in my life. Storytelling from a point of empowerment, may look something like saying, Okay, this really sucks. I don't like being in pain. But I know other people have found solutions. And I'm going to be very intentional about managing my energy. Because I know my pain is worse, when I'm tired. That usually applies to all of us. And I'm going to deliberately search out people who have been able to reduce their pain to see if I can find things I haven't tried yet to make this better. So in all three of those, it's the same circumstance, its pain, and you can choose to deny it, you can choose to limit yourself by telling yourself a limiting story. Or you can choose to be open to the possibilities, by telling yourself a different story of the way you're going to approach this circumstance. So one of the most frustrating things about my experience, and my recovery from my initial diagnosis was the assumptions that medical professionals would make. There were just so few quality practitioners that I engaged with, that would think to ask questions like, What have you done? Or what are you currently doing to manage the situation? So I always like to ask that question. First, I want to assume that you're doing everything in your power to nourish your body to keep it moving, to manage stress to sleep well to improve relationships. So if you have a change you want to make or a goal you want to move towards in 2021, I want you to start with that question for yourself. What have you done? Or what are you currently doing to move yourself closer to accomplishing this thing. And I say that because I want you to give yourself credit for all that you already have done and are doing. Okay, that's an important part of your story. So I was on a coaching call with one of my awesome, beautiful vivacious, we've read the the five members. And she told me how she was working to manage her mind around a situation that she was dealing with. And I love the way she acknowledged her own growth in this area. Because she told me, she wasn't where she wanted to be yet as far as managing her mind and thoughts were and that was totally understandable. But what she said is, at least now she's able to see when she's hopping toward the rabbit hole, rather than jumping into it and trying to get out of it. And I love her even more for that for recognizing her own growth, because she's worked very, very hard to get there. And we women have this really deeply ingrained habit of not giving ourselves credit for the work we've put in towards change. But we're really good at beating ourselves up for what we haven't accomplished. So you won't lose 40 pounds, but you've only lost 10. So you tell yourself, you're a failure, and you'll never get there. But I want to ask you who you've lost 10 pounds. That's awesome. What did you do to get there? That's a great advancement towards your goal. And then as soon as I asked that question, and you're Yeah, but pops into your head. That's when you stop and ask yourself, whoa, why did I just tell myself that story? If I say, Ooh, you lost 10 pounds when you do? Well, I changed. But now I'm at a total standstill. And I just can't figure out how to move forward. Oh, stop. Why are you telling yourself that? That's your key right there. You have to discover those stories that limit you. And then look at them for whether or not they serve you. And whether or not they help you move closer to the future version of you that you want to become. And then you rewrite that story. If it's not moving you closer to who you want to be, then how do you need to restate it. So this is really the difference between going through life ping pong off all the crap that actually really does happen in life and going through life with awareness and being intentional about the way you choose to think about things and deliberately creating the life that you want. So as you move into this brand new year and all the potential that comes with it, you might want to take some time to decide the stories you want to bring with you into This year, in those you want to leave behind, think about how you will live an intentional life rather than a reactive life? How will you choose to respond to the inevitable challenges that will present themselves we can all acknowledge that? How will you choose to respond to them so you can continue to move closer to the result you want to achieve in your life. And that doesn't have to be some monumental life altering result, right? Well, I guess it's life altering. It's a change. But you know, I'm saying, it doesn't have to be I'm going to get two PhDs this year. A great intention to have is to live a joyful life with peace of mind. You know, that's a really simple statement. But it's a whole lot of work wrapped up in that statement, right? Living a joyful life with peace of mind can involve a lot of change, thinking different ways, working on relationships, working on jobs, careers, businesses, children, all these kinds of things can be involved in it. But you can start chipping away at that work. When you connect with that intention. And you catch yourself telling yourself stories that try to stop you from moving forward to moving towards living that life and becoming that version of yourself. Now, if you want more help with that, you just keep on listening to this podcast, and I'll keep coming back at you offering you all the support that I can. And you can also come and join us in the breast cancer recovery group that is a free Facebook group. And it is filled with hundreds of amazing women who are so positive and so supportive. And that's really important to me, for this group. This group is about how do we move forward after a diagnosis of breast cancer to live our best lives, okay. It's about offering that support and encouragement to each other. That's the whole reason it was created. So there's another place you can go for support when you think about connecting to people who get you and understand you and can help you move past those stories that may keep you stuck in suffering rather than moving forward. Now, I don't have an exact date for this yet, but I will be doing another revivify program in the spring. And you can always go to my website, the breast cancer recovery coach.com where you can get on the waitlist for you vivify. Or just go on my website and get on the email list so that you always get the inside scoop and the announcements as these things come up. Okay, so that's it for now. I will talk to you next week. Have the happiest, happiest, happiest of New Years and make it a practice to be good to yourself. And I'll talk to you soon.

17:48
You've put your courage to the test laid all your doubts your mind is clearer than before your heart is full and wanting to more your futures Give it all you know have you been waiting on

18:18
this is your