#115 How to Start Creating the Life You Want

Navigating the aftermath of a traumatic event, like a cancer diagnosis, can profoundly shift your life's lens, often leaving you feeling adrift and without a compass.

Emerging from this turmoil, many yearn for change but grapple with its blueprint. How do you chart a path or decipher the next steps?

In this episode, I'll share my personal journey through this maze and offer guidance on crafting incremental steps to reshape your life on your terms.

Read Full Transcript Below:

Laura Lummer 0:00
This is Laura Lummer, the breast cancer recovery coach. I'm a healthy lifestyle coach, a clinical Ayurveda specialist, a personal trainer, and I'm also a breast cancer survivor. In this podcast, we talk about healthy thinking and mindfulness practices, eating well, moving your body for health and longevity. And we'll also hear from other breast cancer survivors who have reengaged with life and have incredible stories to share. This podcast is your go-to resource for getting back to life after breast cancer.

Laura Lummer 0:37
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the breast cancer recovery coach Podcast. I am your host, Laura Lummer. And today is a very exciting show because this show will come out on November 26, which is a Thursday, which is Thanksgiving day here in the United States, and my birthday in everywhere.

Laura Lummer 0:58
So just a reminder, before I jump into this if you are a regular listener, and you haven't yet taken the time to leave a rating or review for the breast cancer recovery coach podcast, I would super appreciate you doing that. And it would be an awesome birthday gift to get a rating from you or a review from you today. So, so leaving a review is really easy. If you're listening on an iPhone especially, you can just scroll right down to the bottom where you're listening to the podcast, and it says rate the show, and you can hit the stars, or you can hit rating or review. And then you can just type your review right in there. And I'm not 100% sure if you're listening on Android, or you know through Google Play, but I'm pretty sure it's in the same area, and you can scroll down and just read it right there. So that's it; if you can take the time to do that and make the time to do that, I would really, really appreciate it. And it does so much for the show and helping other people to get to listen to it.

Laura Lummer 1:52
Alright, so let's jump into this. About a week or so ago, one of my Revivify members asked me if I would be willing to share how I came to do what I do, which is, you know, breast cancer recovery coaching. And although I talk about that in the very first episode of this podcast, I know a lot of people don't go all the way back to the beginning and listen. Also, my perspective on how I came to do what I do or how I continue to do what I do has evolved over the years.

Laura Lummer 2:25
I first started, gosh, I think my very first podcast was 2017. And then my coaching programs launched in the format that they are now the 10-week coaching Revivify in 2018. And then the Empower membership just this year in 2020.

Laura Lummer 2:42
So a lot of stuff has happened. And also, over that period of time, I have talked with so many breast cancer survivors. We've started the breast cancer recovery group, which is a free Facebook group that has hundreds of women in there, some in treatment, many recovering from treatment. And I've just learned so much through that process.

Laura Lummer 3:04
So I thought I would take the time to share my story with you, especially if you're a new listener, and you're just coming across this episode, but not just to share my story, but my insights on what I've learned from all of you during this period of time, and maybe inspire some of you to take that step or take that leap to really live the life that you love and the life that you want.

Laura Lummer 3:26
So I know I've shared the story. So I'll just summarize it here. When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2011, I was contacted by a woman who was a volunteer at a local hospital with an organization called Women Guiding Women. And you can Google that organization, they still are in existence, and I am a volunteer and mentor with them. And this woman just helped me so much she put my mind at ease. She helped me so much. And I decided then that when I got done with treatment, you have to be a year out of treatment to go through the hospital training to be a mentor for Women Guiding Women, that I would go back and do this because what she did was so meaningful to me. And I just knew that I needed to be that person if I could be for someone else who was in the same situation as me. I did go back when a training program opened a year later, and I became a mentor.

Laura Lummer 4:16
And it was through that experience of working with newly diagnosed women. But even more so through the experience of working with other mentors who were a year or more out of treatment that opened my eyes to this real struggle to get back to life with the long term side effects and consequences physically, emotionally, spiritually after breast cancer that my passion and my love for wellness for health and fitness and mindset practices and stress reduction practices and all the things that I really, really love to do would come together beautifully to support this specific group of women. Breast cancer survivors.

Laura Lummer 4:59
And Now in making that decision, and in creating programs for women who had completed breast cancer treatment, of course, other women were attracted to other women who are in treatment found that my programs and the podcast are helpful to them to help with their mindset, and help them get some peace and some change of perspective while they were going through treatment, which just makes that recovery period that much easier, right? It's the transparency of understanding what you have to look forward to, or maybe not necessarily look forward to it. But what you have come, you know, the, when I went through my treatment, I just didn't know. And I think it's something that just doesn't get talked about enough this space, after breast cancer treatment, and how we can support each other, and how much support survivors and their loved ones actually need.

Laura Lummer 5:52
So for me, it not only did that speak to me, and motivate me and inspire me to move towards that as a goal because I had no idea how to start. I had to just start investigating googling and saying, How do you... I knew a couple of things at one of my businesses to be virtual because another thing that was important in my personal life was freedom. I'd survived cancer, and I didn't want to be locked down for the rest of my life to a nine to five job. I knew that that was important. And so I knew that I had to do something to start changing it so that eventually I would have the freedom of having a virtual business and working my business the way I wanted to work it so balanced well with my life.

Laura Lummer 6:34
So I think that when you come to this space, sometimes it's really hard to go back to the life we had before breast cancer because we have a lot of conditioning and a lot of fear, a lot of need for security just as human beings. And so sometimes we're fortunate enough that we actually do the thing we love to do. But sometimes life kind of leads us down this path where we do the thing that made the most money provided the best benefits, and maybe we don't thoroughly enjoy it.

Laura Lummer 7:04
So in answer to the question, and to put it out there for the rest of you, how do you decide what you want to do? I think that it's a matter of really doing some internal examination on what things are important to you. You know, I've had this conversation with my daughter before. It's not like you need to put a label on it. It's not like you need to say I'm going to become a nurse, I'm going to become a mechanical engineer, but looking at the qualities of things that you enjoy.

Laura Lummer 7:32
For instance, I want to do something that inspires others to do blank, I want to do something that provides me more freedom with my time, you know, and look at the qualities and really think about what are the things that are important to you. And then once you have that list, and you've had that idea, it really helps you kind of move towards visual and more clarity. And the beautiful thing about the world we live in today is that you don't have to have a label; you know, we have the advantage of having access to the online world where you can create whatever it is that's important to you. I know when made who create amazing little door hangers. You know, that's what they love to do. And they have really successful businesses teaching other people how to create these bejeweled and decorative door hangers. I know a woman who has a super successful business teaching people how to make candy apples. Apparently, she's the master of making candy apples. And with all my dental work, unfortunately, I'll never be able to taste one of her candy apples. But she loved making candy apples. And now she has a full time very successful business at making candy apples.

Laura Lummer 8:42
And I think that all starts with really identifying what do I love to do. And if you can't put your finger on one thing, you can't say this is it. This is my passion, health and wellness is my passion or something, or making door hangers is my passion. You know, crafting is my passion. Again, to start with the qualities of it. Would your passion be something outdoors? Would it be something creative? Would it be something challenging? Would it be something that served other women that served women and men that serves children, and just really think of all the qualities of something that you would really enjoy?

Laura Lummer 9:18
So that would, I would say would be my first step. And then once you have a picture, an idea of what you'd like to move forward with how you want your life to look, that's when all the tough stuff comes up. So I want to talk a little bit about the tough stuff because I want you to know, and you may have already just been listening to this last few minutes and be telling yourself all the reasons why if changing and not just change your life, it may not necessarily be I want to leave my job or I have a business that I don't love, and I want to change it to another business. It may not be that at all. It may be, you know, I want to volunteer somewhere, or I want a side gig, and I love what I'm doing now. So I want to stay with what I'm doing now. But I need something that will fulfill something else in me that maybe has opened up or changed since my diagnosis of breast cancer. And so that's also space where the tough stuff comes up.

Laura Lummer 10:10
So let me give you some of the most common objections that come up as they did for me. And in the different mastermind groups that I've worked with as I developed this business, the breast cancer recovery coach, and my coaching programs. It does not matter what type of business these people decided to create for themselves, whether it was something in wellness, whether it was something in music, whether it was something in dance, I have seen across the board, these things come up.

Laura Lummer 10:36
And so when asking how did I decide and considering how do you decide what is really important to you, and how you want to structure your life, which fits not only into my regroup pillar of life but revive right we regroup by looking at our life examining it, and asking what is working for me, what isn't working for me, what's missing for me if anything, and then revive is to give those gifts back to the world.

Laura Lummer 11:04
So the woman who makes the best candy apples ever and now teaches 10s of thousands of people literally how to make these Candy Apple, she brings joy into their life, for whatever reason, they needed to know how to make that whether it was a party, whether they started their own business, whether they added a feature to an existing business, she teaches them something that brings them joy and happiness. And that's what's important to her.

Laura Lummer 11:28
So let's talk about some of those objections when you're trying to regroup your life and revive your life after breast cancer. And the number one, this guy, I tell you, this four-letter word is probably just the worst four-letter word in the world. And it's FEAR. It's fear of what will happen. How do I make the time? What if it's not good enough? Who will judge me? Nobody will want what I have to offer? What if I commit myself and decide I don't like it? What if I invest this money to learn how to do it, and then I don't like it. And even if it's not something on your own, but it's another job is the fear, the self-doubt, and the self-judgment of I'm not good enough, who will want me?

Laura Lummer 12:12
And some of these excuses can seem really legit, right? Totally legit. And you'd say to yourself, oh, I don't have the time. I talked to somebody recently, who's super talented, and she was talking to me about something she would love to do. And as I encouraged her to do it, she says, Yeah, it may be after my kids go off to college. Okay, your youngest kid is nine years old. That's a long time to wait to do something that you love. And it's not like you have to throw yourself in, you know, headfirst, both feet, but you can start something, you can begin it if you're really passionate about it. But we're so good at talking ourselves out of it. And, you know, on my birthday, as I look back, and I reflect on previous birthdays, and I reflect on how many years I've been here on this planet be 57 years, on the day this podcast comes out. And I have learned so many things. But I think that the one thing that I have learned most from cancer is make that shit happen.

Laura Lummer 13:14
You know, we say life is short, I know I say it on this podcast all the time, but it's true. And so when you allow that truth to really sink in, and you allow yourself to be open to the possibilities, then you can start to either create change or to really appreciate where you're at if it suits you, and it fulfills you, and it fulfills the life you want to live. And just changing your mindset from I have to do this. And I have to do that, too. I get to do this. Do you really feel that like I get to do this is what you do every day? Something you get to do? And it's a pleasure for you? Or is it something you have to do? And you can't wait to get home and say, Oh, I'm glad I'm done with that. So if you consider the space you occupy on this planet, in the life you lead on this planet, and you feel like there's something in this life that needs to shift a little bit. But your self doubts your fear, and your self-judgment or your fear of judgment from others stops you.

Laura Lummer 14:13
What do you do? Well, you create more awareness around it, you actually look at it, and you actually admit to yourself, I'm afraid, or I doubt myself, look at what is really holding you back. And then, from there, look at the evidence of what you're telling yourself. So if you're saying to yourself, no one's gonna want me I'm not good enough, then look at the evidence to support that. Has anybody ever wanted you? Have you been successful in any position? Have you been hired for a job before? If you have, then the evidence shows that nobody wanting you isn't true.

Laura Lummer 14:50
It's not a true statement.

Laura Lummer 14:52
Will other people judge you? If it's a business or if it's a job, if it's a position or if you want to change, will they say, oh, you're taking a really big risk. Well, they say, Who are you to do this thing? And the answer to that is probably, yeah, they probably will. But why would you let that stop you? Why would you allow someone's thoughts about your life to stop you from leading the life you want?

Laura Lummer 15:17
This is all about managing your mind. And we're really good at convincing ourselves that these excuses, like I said, these legit excuses are the perfect reason not to do something else. Not to follow the adventure, not to pursue the opportunity, but to stay safe, to stay comfortable to stay right there in that comfort zone. Because like, God forbid, we break out of it. What if, what if? Well, what if, is just based on fear, and sometimes you just have to do things scared, you just have to go for it, you have to throw caution to the wind, well, not all caution, be reasonable, weigh out the risks and the benefits. And this says it may work and it may not work. It may be fantastic. It may not be fantastic.

Laura Lummer 16:06
But as I move forward, I don't have to give it up. Either. Whatever it is, I'm deciding that I want to incorporate in my life or change my life or move in a different direction toward I can keep evolving that. I don't have to say, I'm going to start a business making candy apples, and then no Candy Apple sell. And I'm like, Wow, now I'm not a business. I can say okay, well, it wasn't candy apples, but I really love making creative desserts. Let me try smores. I don't know, try something else. Right, you evolve and change. When I first launched Revivify. I didn't know, I I knew what I had been through. And I packaged it in a way that I believed would serve other women. And it has evolved so much since then. Because I said to myself, listen, I'm going to try this. But I'm, I need to know how it lands for other people. And I need to hear their feedback. I need to hear what they actually need versus what I think that they need. So that I can create more of what people want and what they need to serve them and to move forward. And so I'm so so grateful every single day to my founding members who went through Revivify and gave me their feedback, and are still a part of my business, still a part of my coaching programs and near and dear to my heart because they've helped me build my dream. And it's because you stick to that, and you're consistent with it, and you move forward knowing that everything will evolve. It doesn't have to be one way.

Laura Lummer 17:40
Now, because these common hurdles, self-doubt, fear, judgment, insecurity, will all come up all the time, they just will just know they're going to be there. And it's going to be more intense for some people than others, but it's going to be there. And so a critical part of making a change in your life is making sure that you have someone or multiple someones who support you in that pursuit of happiness and fulfillment, which you can trust to give you honest feedback, whether this is a group, whether this is a single person in your life, whether it is a coach, whether it is a spouse, whether it's a best friend, you've got to have somebody in my programs, I call these your champions, you have to have your champions, who understand that this is important to you, this is written on your heart, and why it's written on your heart. And that those people, regardless of what they might think, I don't see how you're gonna make a living at this, or I don't know if it's gonna work out the way you think it's gonna work out. Regardless of that, they will be able to say, and I know it's important to you. And so I'm here to support you. And I'll give you honest feedback along the way. But I'll also hold you accountable for what you say you're going to do. And that's important.

Laura Lummer 19:02
So when you get that idea, that vision of the life you want to live, and you write it down, because you know, you got to write it down, right, you've got to journal about it. And when you put pen to paper or pencil to paper, and you start writing out those qualities of the life that is important to you, and how you want to live it, it's so important to put it on paper because a lot of times, you put something on paper and it just doesn't resonate with your heart.

Laura Lummer 19:25
And then you think, Oh, you know what, I'm gonna adjust that. When I look back two, three years ago at the goals that I wrote every morning, I see that some of them have dropped off the list that as I started to move forward with my business and with my life, it evolved, and some of the things that I thought were super important goals for me changed and they were no longer important.

Laura Lummer 19:45
So as you start to materialize this vision of the life you want to lead. It's important to talk to somebody about it and say this is what I want it to look like. This is what I want to do and have those goals. And those visions and say, you know, when am I going to do it? Well, I'm going to work an hour a week, 15 minutes a day, whatever it is that fits into your schedule. Because remember, one of those popular objections is going to be I don't have the time to do this, I don't have the time to fill out job applications, I don't have the time to research certifications that would help me move forward. I don't have the time to build a website. I don't have the knowledge to build a website. Trust me, when there's a will, there's away, and there are so many easy, easy tools to get you up and running if it is an online kind of business that you want. And there are so many opportunities in the world right now.

Laura Lummer 20:38
And I know it's a tough time, right now we're in a pandemic, we're locked down. But it's a good time to start planning. You may not be able to put yourself out right now. And in some cases, you still can, there are companies, and there are opportunities out there if it's a job you want to change to. But this is a great time, if there's something else you want to create, whether it's a craft, it's a hobby, it's a business, it's a volunteer opportunity, this is a great time to research it and see how it might fit into your life and start to create a plan for it.

Laura Lummer 21:06
You want to write a book, sign up for a master class where they have all kinds of famous authors who teach you how to write a book, set aside 15 minutes a day to start making notes. Do you want to learn to cook? I have a wonderful friend who was not a cook at all, and she's taking the opportunity during this pandemic to sign up for culinary classes through zoom, and some of the food she's making is absolutely amazing. So it doesn't have to be a big change in the world goal. It just has to be something that brings more happiness into your life, whatever that might be.

Laura Lummer 21:44
So, my friend, I know you know who you are, who asked me that question, how did you decide to do what you're doing now. And honestly, the bottom line is an evolution. But really being willing to follow your heart. And as your heart leads you towards something, write it down, manifest it, make it materialize from this thought to this real thing here on this earth, everything begins as a thought. But if you're willing to move past that fear and take that thought, and write it down and craft it and shape it, it will become something.

Laura Lummer 22:20
This podcast you're listening to started by me sitting as an attendee in a conference at a fitness convention and listening to the woman who would become my very first mentor, talking about how she started a podcast scared to death because her mentor told her this was important to do. That's how this podcast started. It was just a mention of a possibility. But it was because I was open to the possibility. And because I knew I would need someone to push my butt to make that happen. So I hired someone to do that, that now, the 10s of thousands of women who have downloaded the show had access to this information.

Laura Lummer 23:03
So don't go too far ahead. Just start where you are now. Take that thought and begin to manifest it into something that works here for you in this world, in your life. And then when the fear and the self-doubt and the judgment come up, turn to your champion, turn to your coach, turn to your group, join the breast cancer recovery group, post something in there, and I'll be right in there. Telling you here move past it. Here's the next goal. What's the next possibility?

Laura Lummer 23:32
You know, recovering from breast cancer isn't just about getting back your physical house, recovering from breast cancer; everything this show is about is about living your best life. It's about realizing how special, how important, and how tentative life is.

Laura Lummer 23:50
The most important thing that I've learned is don't wait. If something is important to you, do it. If it's important for you to see someone, see them. And I know that may just be on zoom right now. But then zoom them, text them make it happen, reach out. Having ideas and dreams and desires is beautiful, though without action behind them. They will fall flat every single time. And it's that action behind them that helps you learn your own value. It helps you learn to believe in yourself. It helps you learn that the gift that is within you and I know it's within you is important and needed in this world, or would it be there.

Laura Lummer 24:34
Alright, my friends, well, thank you so much for downloading the show and sharing my birthday with me, and I hope that my birthday insights help you in some way or offer something maybe you needed to hear today. Have a wonderful day and if you do celebrate Thanksgiving, have a blessed holiday, and I'll talk to you again next week.

Laura Lummer 24:53
Until then, be good to yourself and expect others to be good to you as well.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai